After watching the Pixar animated movie, I finally understood: the child’s perfect childhood is over

Last week, I gave my daughter a scolding because I caught her reading comic books without finishing her homework. Why is Pixar\’s Soul animated film, which has a reputation of 9.6, a god? She gets obsessed every time she reads comics or novels, and doesn\’t do any homework. She often ends up having to make up one or two points, which is both physically and mentally damaging. I banned her comics, but who knows, she can secretly buy them with her pocket money, or borrow them from classmates to read. For this reason, we have argued many times. I thought she was still \”losing her mind by playing with things\” after she was in junior high school. She complained that I didn\’t respect her hobbies and freedom. Intensified emotions often end with us both crying and remaining silent. Looking at my dissatisfied, angry, and aggrieved daughter in front of me, I felt deeply powerless and sad. When did my daughter, who was once obedient and obedient to me, start to become like a little beast covered with thorns, always trying to oppose me? This confusion lasted until two days ago. On the recommendation of a friend, I clicked on Pixar\’s latest animated film \”Transformation.\” The movie was cheerful, cute, and bright, but I burst into tears watching it. The protagonist of the movie is Meimei, an outstanding, independent and confident 13-year-old girl. She is A+ in every subject, is proficient in singing and dancing, and takes the initiative to help her parents with housework and cleaning the ancestral hall. Behind such a well-behaved \”perfect girl\”, there is also a \”perfect mother\”. Her mother took great care of Meimei, managed her every word and deed gently but firmly, and even planned her life path early. Everything was so perfect and harmonious until Meimei awakened her family\’s talent: whenever she gets too excited, she will turn into a red panda. In the process of going from disgust to acceptance of red pandas, Meimei gradually gained her own opinions and consciousness. She began to be rebellious and willful, and had sharp conflicts with her mother. In the end, she almost became a enemy of mother and daughter. After watching this movie, I suddenly understood: The biggest conflict between my daughter and I is not that she has become bad, but that she has grown up and I have not. I thought that by meeting the \”high requirements\”, I could correct her \”perfect childhood\”, but I never thought that it would ruin her life. Meimei lives a perfect life, but also very depressed. She was only 13 and had already learned to hide her desires well. During the school holidays, even if her friends invited her to play together again and again, she would stick to the promise she made with her mother and go home early. When I see a celebrity I like on TV, I will change my mind and say that it is someone else’s preference because of my mother’s disdain. She has to strive for first place in everything, even making a dumpling and striving for a \”perfect\” evaluation… just because her mother can only accept the beautiful and outstanding side, but cannot tolerate her shortcomings. Living in a \”highly demanding\” atmosphere every day, Meimei has habitually reflected on her words and deeds for fear of disappointing her mother. But Meimei\’s sensibleness not only failed to gain her mother\’s tolerance and understanding, but instead fueled her mother\’s desire for control. Not only did he enter and exit his daughter\’s bedroom at will, he also forced himself to read her diary. When she discovers that Meimei is drawing portraits of other boys, her mother will completely ignore her explanation and unilaterally believe that Meimei has been deceived. On the spot, I took Meimei all the way.Found the boy and warned him not to have any wishful thinking. As a result, Meimei made a fool of herself in public and directly \”died\”. When she discovered that Meimei had sneaked out to party with friends in the middle of the night, her mother would scold her friends indiscriminately. Force Meimei to admit that it was her friends who led her astray. She even secretly went to the school to monitor Meimei\’s class, but was eventually chased away by the security guards, which made everyone famous. Meimei doesn\’t understand why her mother is always so unreasonable. But her tutoring since childhood prevented her from complaining about her mother, and could only complain about her own \”incompetence\”. The violent mood swings caused her to trigger her family\’s talent and transform into a red panda. She was scared, frightened, panicked. However, her mother\’s response was to move her to another empty room without furniture after simple comfort. Let her practice self-control alone, and tell her that the only solution is to wait until the day of the red moon to seal the red panda\’s soul: \”You have only one chance to expel it, and you cannot fail.\” Ironically, Meimei turned into a monster because of her mother\’s pressure, but her mother believed that her love was her only antidote. Meimei, who was imprisoned, kept hitting the wall, falling down, and abandoning herself in the failures over and over again. I am reminded of what teacher Yin Jianli said: \”When a person is always required to be perfect, how can she get along with her imperfect self? She has been domesticated to live only for \’excellence\’ and \’success\’. The praise she gets outside her home and her return home After closing the door, my feelings cannot be unified into one body, which is a kind of pain of separation.\” Meimei, who became a red panda, almost collapsed amidst such self-doubt and frustration. Mom Li Ming is actually not a stereotypical strong mother. She loves Mei Mei deeply. She would be worried because Meimei got home 10 minutes late. He will also keep an eye on his daughter\’s daily life and prepare for every stage of her growth. But there are many details that can be seen. Mom is actually another Meimei. She is also a girl who grew up under her mother\’s \”high demands\”. As perfect as she is, even if she has been married and established a business for many years, she will still be trembling because of a phone call from her grandma, for fear that something will go wrong. Even though she was fully prepared, grandma still didn\’t think her mother could help Meimei overcome the disaster, so she called her three aunts and six aunts for help without saying hello. When Meimei finally broke out and ran away, the first person her grandmother blamed was her mother. However, Meimei is still fighting for her right to speak, but her mother has already compromised under her grandmother\’s control. That\’s why my mother always lives in anxiety, feeling that she will never be good enough, will always disappoint grandma, and will never be as perfect as grandma requires. In the end, all hopes and dreams can only be pinned on the children. In the movie, the superpower of transforming into a red panda is \”passed down from female to male.\” The ancestor who first had this ability was her husband who went out to fight. In order to have the power to protect himself and his children, he signed a contract with the panda god. If it is well-intentioned, why are the parents of future generations so afraid? Because the awakening of pandas is like a child gaining strength on the way to growth and beginning to have his own opinions.Be strong and brave. Such power is dangerous and uncontrollable in the eyes of parents. Therefore, even the women in the entire family have the soul of a red panda. But for the sake of their families, they all chose to hide their irritable, willful, and true-hearted sides. Then pass on the pressure and responsibility that has nowhere to go to the next generation. In the illusion of magic, he decided to keep the red panda Meimei and met his mother when he was young. It turns out that Li Ming when she was a child was exactly the same as Meimei who was afraid of disappointing her mother at first. She was no longer meticulously dignified, but cried into a ball, shouting out her true feelings without concealment: \”I am so tired of pursuing perfection!\” \”I will never be good enough for her (grandma)!\” \”I can never be what people expect!\” A mother who appears to be perfect is actually tortured by \”imperfections.\” On the one hand, she is afraid of disappointing her grandmother and not protecting her daughter well enough; on the other hand, she cannot expose her vulnerability or vent her emotions, because rebellion and vulnerability are the prerogatives of children. My mother can only pretend that everything is fine while suppressing herself countless times. I once heard this saying: \”The mental pressure that excessive expectations and perfectionism bring to children will do more harm to personal health and parent-child relationships than good.\” After becoming mothers, we all want to teach the best to them. child. But the more we devote ourselves to our children and think about them wholeheartedly, the easier it is for our children to have their wings broken and become unable to fly; the more strict we are on ourselves, the easier it is for us to have an emotional breakdown, which will backfire on our children. Many times, a \”perfect\” mother will not only fail to achieve success for her children, but will also destroy her children. At the end of the movie, Meimei decides to break the family rules and coexist with her own panda. She bravely accepted her imperfect self and yelled out to her mother the words that every sensible child suppresses in their deepest heart: \”If I am not perfect, will you still love me?\” And The mother finally respected her daughter\’s decision after reconciling with herself. Although she knew that accepting the red panda meant that her daughter had to leave her and pursue a broader world, she still encouraged her daughter: \”Don\’t stop for anyone. The farther you go, the more proud I am of you.\” I suddenly My nose is sore. Thinking of my daughter, she is also my extremely precious baby. I can risk my life for her, or I can fight the whole world for her. But I made her entire youthful memory filled with my scolding her for all kinds of trivial things. Will she also feel that my love is \”conditional\” and that she \”will not be loved if she is not perfect enough\”, and then she will grow up carefully and live with fear? Like Li Ming, and like myself who is anxious. Think about it carefully, one day we will have to face separation, and she will have to face this imperfect world alone. And I also have my own limitations, and I can\’t be a perfect mother either. Blindly demanding high standards for ourselves and our daughters will only make us exhausted and bruised by the pulls and arguments between each other. Maybe my daughter can only have an ordinary life in the end, then I would rather she be brave enough to make mistakes.Don’t be kidnapped by perfection either. A free and happy childhood is the source of strength that will support a child to face difficulties in life when she grows up in the future. When I picked my daughter up from school that day, I could see her walking out with the team from a distance. When she saw me, she immediately pounced on me, completely forgetting her previous unhappiness. The child\’s self-healing ability is so powerful. He always forgives me so easily. But I know that every time I get angry or say something that goes too far, it will leave a mark on her heart. I hugged her hard and said, \”Baby, mommy got angry with you before. I\’m really sorry.\” My daughter didn\’t speak, but she hugged me a little harder. At this moment, I finally understood: none of us can be a perfect person, and our children cannot meet all our expectations. Well, before I make my child \”better,\” I want her to \”love herself\” more. Acceptance and blessing are the best gifts a mother can give to her children. Click \”Like\” and hope our children can have an imperfect but happy enough childhood.