After watching the popular \”My Altay\”, I realized: If you want to raise your children well, you must keep these three bottom lines…

\”To love, to live, to get hurt.\” These touching words come from the recent hit drama \”My Altay\”. This drama tells the story of the protagonist Li Wenxiu, who is based on the writer Li Juan, who goes to the big city to pursue his literary dream, but after hitting a wall, returns to the grassland to depend on his mother. After watching the drama, I was deeply touched by the mother Zhang Fengxia played by Ma Yili. After her husband passed away, she opened a canteen on the grassland alone with her elderly and sick mother-in-law and daughter Li Wenxiu. Although he looks slovenly and talks rough, he is also careless with his daughter and does not care about big or small things. But it is such a mother who seems unreliable at first glance, but actually knows the best about education. Although life was difficult, she still lived a very good life. Not only does she live a very transparent life, but she also never involves her daughter. Family education is a kind of invisible education that can quietly influence children and make them more powerful. As a mother, I saw another kind of educational wisdom from Zhang Fengxia, and found that if you want to raise your children well, you must keep these three boundaries. Not to disappoint, but to give enough emotional value. Li Wenxiu, a nineteen-year-old girl, did not graduate from high school. She was fired from her job in Urumqi. She was very frustrated and had to go home to seek refuge with her mother. When she first came home, she was eager to prove her worth, so she volunteered to help her mother pay the bill. Zhang Fengxia knew that the result would be failure, but she did not stop it and let her daughter go through it. When her daughter had trouble getting her account, she didn\’t attack her. After hard work, Li Wenxiu finally got a camel back. When she fell into self-doubt, she said: \”Look, although I am clumsy, I am still a useful person, right?\” \”What does it mean to be useful, Li Wenxiu, you were not born to serve others. Look at the trees on the grassland. Grasses are considered useful if they are eaten and used; if no one uses them, they are fine just staying on the grassland and are free.\” Zhang Fengxia\’s few down-to-earth words dispelled her daughter\’s self-doubt. Let me see Zhang Fengxia’s different life wisdom. But in real life, some parents are exactly the opposite. When communicating with their children, they often pour cold water on them. A 14-year-old girl in Jiangxi made four dishes and one soup by herself in order to surprise her mother. When she excitedly called her mother to come for dinner, she was scolded by her mother, \”You cooked so much food for lunch, can the two of us finish it?\” Some people say: Every child who is not close to his parents has been disappointed 10,000 times. Has this mother ever thought that her disappointment would extinguish her children\’s enthusiasm and make the distance between parents and children become more and more distant? So what should we do to avoid becoming a \”disappointing parent\” and give our children better nourishment? You might as well learn from Zhang Fengxia. When her daughter fell into self-doubt, she did not blame her, but provided emotional resonance and comfort. She used a few simple words to let her daughter understand: The outside world\’s perspective does not determine the value of our own existence. The most important thing for people is to grow in the way they like. Wu Zhihong once said: \”Good parents will become containers for their children. Recognize their children when they do things well, support their children when they encounter setbacks, and let their emotions, energy and aggression flow in the relationship between their parents.\” .\” And Zhang FengxiaIt is by doing this and giving her daughter enough emotional value that she will generate a steady stream of psychological energy and have the confidence to move forward in difficulties. No matter how difficult life is, you can still stick to your original intention and carefully record the details of your life. Don\’t cross the line and give your children enough happiness. Zhang Fengxia\’s \”extensive raising\” of her daughter Li Wenxiu makes many people envious. Li Wenxiu wanted to work outside, so her mother let her go. Li Wenxiu loves writing, but her mother does not let her daughter earn a living, but supports her daughter to pursue the seemingly illusory dream of being a writer. When Li Wenxiu and Batai fell in love, her mother never interfered. Zhang Fengxia has a certain degree of advance and retreat, and can give her children just the right amount of maternal love. How can anyone not love such a \”dream mother\”. And this is precisely what many parents cannot do. There is a question on Zhihu: What is it like to have your parents change your choice for college entrance examination? There is a highly praised answer that touches people’s hearts: The Academy of Fine Arts was changed by my parents into a double-featured institution. The moment I received the notice, I felt that my whole life was ruined. To this day, I can’t help but cry when I hear about the Academy of Fine Arts. I hate my parents for depriving me of my right to choose. Many parents invade the boundaries of the parent-child relationship in the name of doing good for their children, which will only make the children lose themselves and make them lose their way on the road of life. Children who do not have the right to choose are like puppets with strings. Their souls have been taken away, and it will be difficult for them to be happy in their future lives. It is true that it is the instinct of parents to take care of their children. It is the parents who make the decision, but it is the children who bear the responsibility. As for Zhang Fengxia, she understands this truth well. She does not interfere in her daughter\’s life and feelings in every detail. She dares to let her daughter try and make mistakes. Mother\’s letting go gave Li Wenxiu more space to explore. A child\’s life is a complete process, and she should experience it. Parents with a sense of boundaries know how to let go and let their children take their own path in life. The essence of education lies in these two words: watch. Parents who know how to be vigilant give their children the right to choose within a reasonable range. Children can gain inner motivation from free choices and are more likely to move towards happiness. Love is nourishment, not bondage. Only by letting go, withdrawing from the child\’s life, letting the child experience his own life, and shouldering his own responsibilities will the child\’s life be more joyful. No internal friction, giving children a sense of security. Many netizens commented on Zhang Fengxia, saying: It is like a clear stream in the desert, which has cured the mental internal friction of countless people. I deeply agree. Because Zhang Fengxia in the play is an alternative mother, she never gets internally conflicted about trivial matters. When Li Wenxiu went to an Internet cafe to submit articles online, she lost her grandmother suffering from Alzheimer\’s disease on the street. After Zhang Fengxia found out, although she was very anxious, she did not blame her daughter. Instead, she comforted her daughter: Grandma is old and can\’t walk far. She lost her many times. It would be nice to find her again after she lost her. Her calm and calm attitude made her daughter calm down instantly, and she and her mother found her grandma. Zhang Fengxia, who had been widowed for many years, met love again. Although she devoted her whole heart, she was deceived by the scumbag and kidnapped all her goods. She didn\’t cry or make a fuss. Instead, she said calmly: \”If a man ran away, he ran away. What\’s the big deal? The worst thing is to find another one.\” Zhang Fengxia didn\’t feel internal at all. She could pick it up and put it down.In her eyes, nothing other than life and death is a big deal. However, many parents continue to inflict internal friction on their children because of trivial matters, which affects their children\’s growth. I came across a topic on Weibo: What kind of family is the most painful to live in? There is a family whose answer is straight to the heart. The fault tolerance rate is too low. Families with a low fault tolerance rate will cause huge quarrels at home because of small mistakes. In a value atmosphere with low fault tolerance, anxious parents will cause their children to fall into a whirlpool of internal friction and become extremely insecure. On the other hand, Zhang Fengxia, whether it is dealing with difficulties encountered in life or emotional problems, she is not sloppy at all. No matter how big the obstacle is, she can overcome it brilliantly; no matter how bad the experience is, she will not dwell on it. Children grow up absorbing their parents\’ emotions. Only when their parents\’ emotions relax and no longer suffer from internal friction, can the home be a warm and relaxing haven for children. When children are accepted, they will feel safe inside and can be themselves with peace of mind. In today\’s era of educational involution, more and more children are being pushed forward by anxious parents, and the pressure on children is immeasurable. Zhang Fengxia provided us with an educational model. She always maintains a clear mind and knows how to decompress herself and keep herself away from emotional internal friction. A child\’s life is a marathon, and it requires endurance. Only when parents put down their anxiety, refuse involution with a stable attitude, and accompany their children to grow up with a long-term perspective can they achieve healthy children in both physical and mental health. Only when parents put down their anxiety can their children travel lightly and be wrapped in a sense of security, which is the best for their children. With help; if parents allow their children to make mistakes and allow their children to grow slower, their future path will be more stable. After becoming parents, we often think about a question, how to be a good parent? As psychologist Zeng Qifeng said: \”There is no magic formula for children\’s growth. Some are just responsible parents who provide stable and healthy soil.\” The quality of parents’ education determines their children’s future. Wise parents do not create anxiety for their children, but become a container for their children\’s emotions. Light up \”Like\”, I hope every parent can keep these three bottom lines: not disappointing, not crossing the line, and not causing internal friction. Provide a relaxing environment for children so that they can face the sunshine, take root deeply and flourish.