After watching the summer hit \”Catch a Baby\”, I understood the child\’s collapse for the first time

After watching this summer\’s hit movie \”Catch Me\”, I sat in the cinema and burst into tears. As netizens described it: \”The laughter in the cinema was like knives piercing the heart.\” In real life, too many parents are like Ma Chenggang in the movie – in order to raise a promising child The child who is a child will try his best: either self-righteously building a path that is most conducive to his growth; or using self-impressed love to emotionally kidnap the child again and again; or ignoring the most unflattering child. Children; cruelly cut off children\’s dreams, deprive children of freedom, and test children\’s humanity. Even if they have aroused children\’s resistance and tasted the bitter consequences, they still dare not admit that they have used the wrong education method… The movie uses each individual The seemingly funny plot satirizes Ma Chenggang\’s education, and also allows us to see how cruel these three favorite education methods of parents are to their children. Treating children as \”experimental subjects\” for education, Ma Chenggang used \”enrichment\” to raise his eldest son to death. After learning from the painful experience, he carefully created a \”utopia\” for his second son, Ma Jiye, to be raised in poverty. He moved his family from a luxurious villa to the narrow and cramped tube building where he had lived since childhood. The whole family pretended to be poor together, trying to use \”suffering education\” to hone Ma Jiye\’s ambition. He hired a whole team to appear in Ma Jiye\’s life in the form of role-playing: the eldest sister next door, the eldest brother downstairs, the market vendor, the book stall owner, and the foreigners he met by chance were all played by staff and senior teachers. Even the bedridden grandma was faked by an education expert. He also set up an education company specifically for Ma Jiye\’s growth in the secret room of his home. Every corner of the house was covered with cameras. Ma Jiye\’s diary was analyzed piece by piece, micro-expressions were analyzed one by one, the results of each subject were posted on the wall, and the progress and shortcomings of each stage were also clearly analyzed. . He regarded Ma Jiye as an experimental subject for his own education, monitoring and controlling everything about Ma Jiye. As a result, when Ma Jiye discovered that it was all a \”scam\”, his whole world collapsed. He couldn\’t tell what was real and what was fake, and even suspected that his parents were pretending to be teachers. He used the method of handing in blank papers in the college entrance examination to retaliate against his parents\’ manipulation of him. I remember that American psychologist Bruno Bettelheim once said: \”Raising children is a creative art rather than a science.\” We cannot shape our children like plasticine, because they have their own Thoughts have their own preferences and independent will. They are not puppets and will not be manipulated by others. Each of them is a unique existence. Using parents\’ will to forcefully control their lives is destined to be a disaster. Wang Meng, a top student at Peking University who has blacklisted his parents and has not been home for 12 years, wrote a 15,000-word article to accuse his parents of their ubiquitous desire for control and cut ties with them. After graduating from Sichuan, a girl from Sichuan was forced by her parents to take the civil service exam. She failed to pass the exam for five years and was forced to become mentally ill. All parents\’ planning and control \”for the good of their children\” eventually become the executioners that destroy the relationship between children and parent-child. Bruno BateErheim once wrote in his book \”Good Enough Parenting\”: \”Many parents use the method of assembling machines to understand and raise their children, hoping to make their children \”perform\” or \”function\” better through these methods. , this is exactly the problem. The real question is whether the child is living well, whether he feels happy, satisfied, and accomplished as he grows up, and whether he is satisfied with himself. \”Good education is never about designing children. not the life of a child, but the life of a child. Only by not treating children as \”guinea pigs\” for education, respecting children as independent individuals, and allowing children to develop their will freely can we truly allow children to grow up healthily and happily, and make education a wonderful encounter. Exploiting children\’s \”guilt\” A few days ago, I just came across a father\’s earnest words on the Internet to educate his daughter: \”Dad only sleeps four hours a day and only eats one meal a day. Drive to the factory, stop the car and put the air conditioner behind I couldn\’t bear to blow it, so I could only go to someone else\’s warehouse to sleep for a while, and then I woke up from the heat. I had a heat stroke at 36 degrees, and I was afraid that you would be like me in the future.\” The little girl listened with a sad face. After the father complained, netizens commented with distress: \”Please stop using guilt-based education on your children. Your suffering is not caused by her, but her suffering comes from you.\” \”Guilt-based education, this is how low self-esteem comes from childhood. \”In fact, Ma Chenggang in the movie is just like the father in the video, and he never tires of using this kind of \”guilt-based education\” to inspire his son\’s ambition. He deliberately wore shoes with the soles off in front of his son. The son said he wanted to save money to buy him a new pair of shoes. He said calmly: \”It\’s okay. How many years can these shoes last?\” He saw The son secretly hid in the toilet to play games, and the next day he deliberately drove a shabby donkey cart to deliver goods. When grandma handed him three eggs, he pretended to be affectionate and said, \”Leave them for my son to eat.\” In order to stimulate his son. After returning the iPad, he asked his grandma to pretend to be sick and cough up blood, and lied to his son that grandma wanted to sell his dowry to pay for his tuition. He firmly controlled his son with his crying poverty and sense of sacrifice, and watched with satisfaction as his son obeyed under the torment of guilt. I remember Luo Xiang once said: \”Guilt-based education will kill every grateful child. When parents complain to their children, they are essentially diverting pain. This is a very serious matter.\” The dilemma of parents has never been caused by children. Forcing pressure and pain that does not belong to the child on the child makes the child become compliant due to guilt. The parents feel comfortable for a while, but the child will suffer for a lifetime. There is a girl online. After graduating from college, she had less and less contact with her family. Her mother always complained to her: \”My wings are really hard. I don\’t listen to anything my parents say. What\’s the use of raising a child? It\’s like raising a white-eyed wolf.\” She felt aggrieved: her parents have always been there for her since she was a child. She whispered in her ear: \”We have worked so hard all because of you. If you don\’t study hard, who will you deserve?\” She understands her parents\’ hard work and dedication, so she has never been willful. However, the guilt and inferiority complex that had been accumulated in her heart for a long time made her feel that as an adult: when she faced a little kindness from others, she felt it was a great honor; when faced with the opportunities that were right in front of her, she did not have the courage to fight for them.I always feel that I am not worthy; I have no opinion on everything, I always give in to my own feelings, and try to cater to and please others, leading to a miserable and painful life. She hates her extremely internalized character and resents the \”guilt education\” her parents gave her. As He Lingfeng said: \”As a parent, you always have to bear some pressure for your children.\” Children who grow up in relaxation will always be more confident and calm than children who grow up in internal friction. Therefore, we must control our sense of dedication and sacrifice, carry the difficulties of life on our shoulders, and bear our own pressure. Only by giving from the heart to our children can our love become the warmth in their hearts and a firm support in their lives. Ignoring the fact that children are not worthy of love, the writer Liu Jirong once wrote in \”With You, I\’m Not Afraid of Growing Old\”: \”Being a mother, I finally know: the cute little angel will roll around in the street and make trouble without reason; he will not eat all day long. I would try to stuff my little finger into the power socket to recharge my batteries…I would turn into a rescue team member, fighting for my life. I didn\’t understand: a diamond only has 58 facets, so why would a young child do this? There are a thousand inexplicable behaviors?\” Liu Jirong also called his mother, recounted his daughter\’s misdeeds, and asked his mother with a choked voice: \”As a mother, why do you meet roses and I meet thorns?\” His mother\’s answer? , completely awakened Liu Jirong: \”When you were four years old, you played with fire and almost burned down the whole house; when you were five years old, you hid on the roof and slept, making people cry and search for you all night; when you were seven or eight years old, you refused to listen to any opinions from adults… You You know, thorns are also part of the rose. \”Many times, like Liu Jirong, we want a \”rose without thorns\”, but we ignore that the rose with thorns is the real rose. The thorn of a rose is a kind of protection, but the thorn of a child is a calling. Their disobedience and disobedience cannot satisfy you, and they just want to get more acceptance and recognition. Just like Ma Dashun in the movie. He doesn\’t know a single word, idles around all day, does not do his job properly, and looks like a waste. Ma Chenggang didn\’t want to see him, and he didn\’t even want to make their father-son relationship public. He lived in trepidation and walking on thin ice under Ma Chenggang\’s disgust and contempt. It wasn\’t until he overcame all difficulties and climbed to the top of Mount Everest that he finally had the confidence to shout: \”Ma Chenggang, I don\’t need your approval anymore!\” The way he shouted to his father made countless netizens feel heartbroken. . Children who grow up in denial spend their entire lives seeking approval from their parents. Children who have not been loved well will long for their parents\’ love and attention throughout their lives. Psychologist Herbart once said: \”Children need love, especially when the child is not worthy of love.\” Therefore, never forget: the more unlovable a child is, the more ruthlessly he must be loved. In this world, only love overcomes all difficulties. Only by allowing children to make mistakes and allow children to be imperfect can children be taught to view themselves positively, children\’s deviations can be effectively corrected, and children can develop a suit of armor in love and tolerance. Many netizens are interpreting why the movie is called \”Catch a Baby\”. Some people say: To train successors, you must start from childhood. I prefer another interpretation: thisIt is telling us that humans are different from dolls and we cannot raise children in a claw machine. really. There is never a one-size-fits-all template for educating children. Children\’s growth is never reversible, and we cannot use children as guinea pigs for our own education just to satisfy our own selfishness and vanity. Manipulating and designing a child\’s life regardless of the child\’s free will is both a constraint and a harm to the child – it constrains the child\’s innate love and talent, and hurts the child\’s absolute trust and unconditional love for their parents. In addition, a good education is not about wishful giving, nor is it about purposeful emotional solicitation. A good education is tolerant of children\’s differences, accepting their shortcomings, and allowing children to become the best version of themselves with a respectful, relaxed, gentle and powerful attitude. Just like Gibran wrote in \”For Children\”: What you can give them is your love, but not your thoughts. You can try your best to be like them, but you can\’t make them become like you. , because life will not retreat, nor will it stay in the past. We cannot control our children\’s lives, but we can be their high-quality companions, peaceful and relaxed watchmen, give them enough energy, and allow them to go further, more firmly, and more wonderfully in their lives.