All great education is not worth a competent father

Painter Liu Yong discovered that in many children\’s paintings, their fathers had no hands. At first, he didn\’t understand why this happened. Later, he gradually realized that it was because in the child\’s memory, his father was like a blurry shadow that could not be grasped. For director Zhang Han, his father is like this. He is silent and busy, and has grown up before he has time to participate in his children\’s education and growth. With such regret, Zhang Han and his team researched more than 100 families, went to Beijing, Guangzhou, Hangzhou and other cities, met various fathers, and made their stories into a documentary: \”Bad Dad, Good Dad\” Among these fathers, some are traditional, some are pioneers, some are strict, some are gentle, some are rich, and some are in poverty. But without exception, they were deeply involved in the growth of their children and achieved gratifying gains. As the famous psychologist Gerdi said: \”Father is a unique existence and has a special power in cultivating children.\” In life, there must be many fathers who think that raising children is the mother\’s business, and they only need to be responsible It is enough to make money to support the family. But after watching this documentary, I believe they will understand: No matter how capable the mother is, she cannot replace the role of the father. All great education is not worth a competent father. 0-3 years old: Dad’s loving company provides a healthy and stable living environment for children. There is a question on Zhihu: What is the greatest misfortune for a woman? One highly praised answer read: Mother-style mate selection, nanny-style wife selection, widowhood-style marriage, but the most unfortunate thing is widow-style parenting. After watching \”Bad Dad, Good Dad\”, I was filled with emotions and agreed with this answer even more. Jingjing and Chopsticks were originally a model couple living in the city. However, when their son Qi Liu Haier was born, this originally happy little family once faced collapse and disintegration. As a first-time mother, she was so busy that she suffered from postpartum depression. It took Jingjing, his father, a full nine months to develop the feeling of fatherly love. He said: \”It\’s not my role to take care of the children during the day, and I only quarrel with them when they sleep with them at night. The three of us sleep together, and the main energy is spent on ( I had a quarrel with my wife.\” After realizing the seriousness of the problem, the new father decided to move his family to the mountains of Dali. Here, the mother is responsible for coordinating and directing, while the father takes on most of the childcare work. After a while, my mother\’s mood became much more stable. The son also grew up rapidly with his father\’s company. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Unlike her mother who is cautious when raising her baby, Jing Jing prefers to watch her son grow wildly: letting her son, who is wobbly when walking, \”run wild\” on the hillside. Anyway, there are grass and dirt everywhere, so even if he falls, he will not be broken. , when he was tired from playing, he would let his son sleep on his chest; when his son pooped, he would wash it with mountain spring water. Later, in order to facilitate washing, he would not even put pants on his son… When the interest came, Zeng Jing Jing, who runs an English school in Chengdu, can also play musical instruments and sing English songs to her son. As soon as my son heard the music, he couldn\’t stop giggling.Looking at his son bathing in the sun, Jingjing himself was happy. At this moment, he finally realized: \”She (wife) is much better, so I can be much better, and the baby will be much better.\” He once heard this sentence: \”God gives you an absent father, and he will give you an anxious father.\” Mother and an out-of-control child.\” In the family, the father\’s inaction will really drive the mother crazy step by step. But sadly, it is often the innocent children who pay for the mistakes made by parents. Not long ago, a mother in Hong Kong threw her 16-day-old daughter off an overpass due to postpartum depression. The daughter died after being rescued. It is understood that her daughter has been underweight since she was born and cannot drink milk, which makes her mother anxious. She had expressed to her husband many times before that she wanted to commit suicide or kill her children, but she was never taken seriously. Psychologist Zeng Qifeng believes that there is no magic formula for children\’s growth, only responsible parents who provide stable and healthy soil. In this soil, there is father\’s company and mother\’s calmness. Only when the father actively participates in the growth of the child, the mother will not go to a dead end in isolation, and the land of the family can breed vitality. 3-12 years old: Dad\’s bottom-line education gives children a decisive shot in life. What impressed me most in \”Bad Dad, Good Dad\” is a pair of \”punk father and son\”: Dad Wang Kaihong is a freelance photographer, and his son KK was born After that, he took the initiative to become a full-time dad. After the variety show \”Summer of the Band\” was broadcast, the father and son were inspired to form a band called \”Robot Pirates\” and started their rock and roll career. KK on the stage always has his hair standing straight up, his expression is wild and uninhibited, and he is full of rock and roll style. When the episode director asked him if he was tired from touring, the little guy coolly replied: \”Tired, what are you afraid of? Punk, just hold on!\” All kinds of performances make people wonder: this kid is tired at a young age. If you don\’t do your job properly, your studies must be wasted, right? But what is surprising is that KK has been a top student since he was a child, and all kinds of certificates are plastered all over the wall of his home. And all of this is inseparable from his father\’s silent support: when facing KK, Wang Kaihong will not care about everything, but he will draw the bottom line for his son. Above the bottom line, KK enjoys absolute freedom to be himself; but once the boundary is crossed, Wang Kaihong will never condone his son. Once, the father and son went to listen to a rock concert. When the director asked KK about his feelings, he bluntly said that he hated \”post-rock\” and wanted to beat \”post-rock\” to death. But he didn\’t dare to say these words in front of his father. Because he knows that dad\’s bottom line is to respect others and respect every kind of music. Although kk still couldn\’t fully understand his father\’s words, he knew very well that his father insisted on principles. A survey found that children whose fathers are involved in early development tend to be mentally stronger, willing to express themselves, and have the courage to challenge and explore, but at the same time, they are able to abide by the rules. Because of this, such children are more confident in school and are twice as likely to achieve high grades as other children. Zhang Wuling, a famous educator in the Republic of China, had four daughters, but he never restricted them with cumbersome etiquette. Instead, he took his daughter to listen to KunmingHe plays music, reads poetry and books, runs magazines, and encourages children to go out to see the world and make friends boldly. All his requirements for children only add up to 10 words: independent thought and free personality. The four daughters who grew up in such an environment were free and easy, but did not violate the rules. Not only are they well-educated, but they have also made great achievements in their careers. Dad is like the anchor of stability in a child\’s life. He will not restrict children everywhere, but he will tell them what the rules are and what the bottom line is, so that they can not only have the courage to try, but also clearly know what can and cannot be done. This father\’s love gives wings to children, allowing them to fly freely within safe boundaries. 12-18 years old: Dad’s role model education gives children a sense of value. Professor Li Meijin, who has long been engaged in research on adolescent psychological issues, once said: “Before the age of 6, the object of attachment for children should be their mother. When the child reaches adolescence and enters the society, More needs the influence of the father.\” I couldn\’t help but think of the experience of the well-known educator Jia Rongtao: In the early years, as an entrepreneur, Jia Rongtao was only focused on making money, and once left his son\’s education to his teacher and his wife. As a result, when my son entered adolescence, he not only had poor grades, but was also addicted to online games, participated in group fights many times, and was almost expelled from the school. At this moment, Jia Rongtao suddenly realized: \”You can still work hard in your career, but your children\’s growth cannot be repeated. No matter how much money you make, you can\’t make up for the failure of your children\’s education.\” So, he decided to close the factory and start a new business. Days spent with full-time escorts. In the past few years, he read more than 200 educational books, wrote more than 800,000 words of reading notes and teaching experiences, and insisted on evaluating his words and deeds every day. When his son is addicted to games, he no longer beats or lectures, but guides his son to develop other interests and hobbies; when his son makes mistakes, he does not just scold him, but looks at the problem from his son\’s perspective and guides his son to reflect; when his son is dissatisfied, When it comes to discipline, he no longer fights head-on, but works hard to improve the parent-child relationship… His hard work pays off. Jia Rongtao\’s change was noticed by his son, who was deeply moved and began to pick up the homework he had missed. In the end, he counterattacked and was admitted to a key university. Later, he followed his father\’s footsteps and devoted himself to education. Writer Mark Twain once said: \”When a boy is about 12 years old, he will find a man to worship him, imitate him, and regard him as a role model for his life. Nine times out of ten, this man is his father.\” For an adolescent child, his father is his declaration of independence, a textbook for his growth, and his guide to the world. With a father by his side, children have a source of strength. \”Bad Dad, Good Dad\” also records a special child, Xuan Xuan. As soon as he was born, he suffered from cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and autism. But fortunately, he has a good and competent father. Dad Qianqiang\’s biggest wish in his life was to help his son live independently. Even though it took him eight years to teach his son to brush his teeth and ten years to teach him to use the toilet, he never gave up. Over the years, he has continued to learn about autism and recorded the changes in his son by writing a diary every day.change. Under his father\’s guidance, Xuanxuan also got better little by little: he learned to wash himself, discovered his talent for playing the piano, learned that leftovers were kitchen waste, and even gave his exhausted father a massage, saying, \” \”Thank you, Dad\”, \”Daddy is great\”… At the end of the documentary, this little boy was able to go to school independently. Alver, a famous British psychologist, said: \”The father has a huge influence on the child, which will penetrate into the child\’s blood and embed in the child\’s soul bit by bit.\” Especially for adolescent children, every move of the father determines It determined the direction of his life and shaped his future. Excellent fathers know how to use their own example to support their children\’s lives. In \”Qi Pa Shuo\”, contestant Yan Rujing once said something that is deeply memorable: \”Parents are the only audience for their children in the first half of their lives, and their children are the only audience for their parents in the second half of their lives.\” The companionship that a father can provide his children actually means \”Deadline\”. Stop using the excuse that you are busy at work, and stop complaining that you are tired of spending time with your children. Otherwise, it won’t take long for you to find that: when you want to hug your children, you find that you can’t reach them; when you want to be friends with them, you find that you have lost the qualification; when you want to be a father again , only to realize that there was no chance. While the child is still young and you still have time, don\’t let the role of father become a vague figure in the child\’s memory. Click \”Like\” to encourage all fathers.