Are good kids born out of \”habit\”?

When we went out to play, our 3-year-old son didn\’t want to leave, so he waved his little hand and asked for a hug. As soon as I picked him up, his father said next to him: \”Let him go on his own! You will spoil him…\” \”You can\’t spoil a child by hugging him.\” I responded with a smile. Because I was wearing too much bulky clothes, I was so tired that I gasped after not walking very far. My son sensed my tiredness and proactively asked, \”Mom, are you tired? I\’ll come down and walk by myself.\” We often worry about spoiling our children, and sometimes we don\’t even dare to hold our children more. In fact, children cannot be spoiled, but sometimes they need to be pampered by us. Why should we \”get used to\” children? Ma Yili felt deeply about this. That night, her little daughter insisted on sleeping next to her and quickly fell asleep in her arms. Ma Yili was reluctant to carry her back to her crib. From this, she thought of her previous cruelty towards her eldest daughter\’s horse: when Ma Yili was one year old, she used \”cry immunity training\” to make her sleep through the night. No matter how much her daughter cried and begged for a hug in the middle of the night, she ignored him and made her cry for two nights, successfully forcing her to sleep all night. But six months later, the situation happened again. Ma Yili regretted it so much that she let her beloved horse sleep next to her. At night, when her beloved horse woke up and cried, she would pat and soothe her, and her beloved horse fell asleep peacefully again. As Hugo said: \”A loving mother\’s arms are made of love, how can it not be sweet for a child to sleep in them?\” Having learned from the past experience of loving horses, Ma Yili implemented the \”pampering\” mode when it came to her younger sister. When her sister cried, she comforted her immediately; when her sister was hungry, she immediately fed her; when her sister asked for a hug, she held her in her arms; when her sister wanted to sleep with her mother, she satisfied her dependence. In this way, the younger sister is easy to take care of, and the mother and daughter become closer. Why should we \”spoil\” our children? Ma Yili said: \”In childhood, parents give the satisfaction of love, which will make a child feel safe.\” What happens to the child who is \”spoiled\”? Ma Yili\’s little daughter was \”spoiled\” to the point where her mother was pleased – – \”My current sister, without any training, can be hugged when she cries, cuddled when she sleeps, fed when she is hungry, and when she turns one year old, she naturally sleeps through the entire night without taking any night feeds.\” I also like to \”get used to\” my children. For example, it was snowing heavily that day, and my son had to go out to play in the snow. Dad refused, so I told him as usual: \”Let\’s go, Mom will take you.\” We were fully equipped with raincoats and rain boots and played in the heavy snow. The son stretched out his hand to catch the snowflakes and observed them carefully. He suddenly felt like he had discovered a new world: \”Mom, snowflakes are really hexagonal!\” That day, the son not only reaped the joy of snow, but also drew the shapes of the snowflakes he observed. , made a handwritten newspaper, which was well received by the teacher. \”Pampering\” means to properly raise a child in the way he likes, rather than restraining him in the way the parent likes. \”Pampered raising\” means to properly raise a child in accordance with his growth pattern, rather than blindly going against the child\’s nature and going against him. Good children are all \”used to\” properly! Children who are \”used\” with love will not only not become bad, but will become more well-behaved and less troublesome as they get used to them. Of course, children of different ages have different growth characteristics and psychological needs. Therefore, the content of our \”habituation\” is also different. You have to get used to something and don\’t get used to something. Rules for parenting before the age of 3 Professor Liu Lianghua has done a lot of surveys. He believes that \”children before the age of 3 need love and a sense of security the most.\” forFor children under 3 years old, mother\’s hugs, kisses, caresses, and coaxing to sleep are the most basic love they deserve. ◎Adult love hugs the child more and gives the child enough warmth; kisses the child more and gives the child intimate physical contact; verbally expresses love more often, \”Mom loves my baby\” and \”I will never leave you\”…our love for them Love should not be subtle, it should be this kind of naked love. Make it easy for children to feel it personally; hear it with their ears; see it with their eyes. ◎Don’t fall into bad habits. I had dinner at my cousin’s house once. The cousin placed one-and-a-half-year-old Yaoyao on a dining chair and asked her to sit at the dining table to eat. Give her a small spoon and a small bowl, put some chopped vegetables in it. Yaoyao made her own arrangements to eat. During this period, Yaoyao asked her mother to hug her, but her mother refused: \”I will hug her after eating.\” Yaoyao shouted and went down to watch TV, but her mother did not follow her. The little guy really stayed on the dining chair the whole time and didn\’t leave the table until he finished eating. My cousin said: \”We have to let her develop good eating habits from an early age. I never chase after feeding, and I can\’t get into this bad habit.\” 4-7-year-old parenting rules 4-7-year-old children are full of exploratory spirit , we must \”get used\” to him to try more, and we must \”get used\” to the child\’s nature appropriately. ◎Accustomed to trying Xie Nan is always accustomed to what Wu calls trying various things. A few days ago, she posted on Weibo: Wu’s so-called Xi improves his wine-pouring skills. Next, it’s time to learn how to perm! head! Got it! She also encouraged her son to cook delicious food: a boy who can make desserts should be able to get married. Children\’s attempts can improve their hands-on ability. We should not be too troublesome and afraid to clean up the mess, so we should easily reject their attempts and dampen the children\’s enthusiasm for exploration. ◎My son is very timid and always asks someone to accompany him when he goes to the toilet during the day, so I obediently accompany him. His dad thinks I spoil his son and says that boys must be trained to be bold. In fact, I particularly understand my son\’s timidity and helplessness, and believe that he will gradually become bolder as he grows up. Instead of forcing him to be bold now. ◎Not accustomed to wrong behavior Last night, Qiqi’s mother and son came to my house to apologize. When Qiqi came to play in the afternoon, he pretended to take away a terracotta warrior toy, and he even lied to his mother and said he picked it up. I said it was just a gadget. But Qiqi\’s mother said, \”That won\’t work! You have to let your children understand that they can\’t take other people\’s things. Besides, they lie. These behaviors must not be tolerated…\” Lying, stealing, hitting, and other wrong behaviors cannot be tolerated by children. This will allow children to test the limits of error little by little and hover on the edge of making mistakes. Some experts say that this age group is the \”spiritual weaning period\” for children. I have stronger self-awareness and no longer like to obey my parents in everything. We need to let go slowly, listen more to our children\’s ideas, and respect their wishes. ◎The day I met Tiantian was my usual choice. She wore a military green cotton-padded jacket, black pants, and short hair. She was very neutral. I smiled and said, \”What a cool outfit!\” Sweetie\’s mom said, \”She chooses her own clothes. Whatever she thinks looks good. Her idol is Dou Jingtong.\” Sweetie\’s personality doesn\’t quite match her name. Stubborn and rebellious. But mother and daughter have always gotten along well. Maybe this is because her mother always respects her and gives her the right to choose and make decisions. In fact, such children are more assertive. ◎My colleague Sister Chen, who is not used to bad habits, has not come to work recently because her 12-year-old son is addicted to online games., seriously affecting academic performance. Sister Chen knew that her son would be useless if he continued like this, so she put down her work and helped her son get rid of his gaming addiction. Bad habits acquired by adolescent children must not be allowed to develop, otherwise it will ruin the child\’s life. Let me ask, besides us parents, who would pamper our children like this? If we cannot give our children enough love, where will they get love? Children who grow up in a loving environment cannot be \”bad\”. On the contrary, children who grow up in an environment of oppression and lack of love will become \”bad\” if their parents are indifferent, harsh, and excessively set rules. Children gain a rich sense of dependence from a young age, and gain a sense of security when they grow up; they receive a full emotional response from a young age, and learn to love when they grow up. A child who is moderately \”used\” by adults will not be \”used\” to do whatever he wants.