Are versatile children more confident? Maybe you have some misunderstandings about self-confidence

Last weekend, an acquaintance sent me a \”bargaining link\” with the following message: \”My child is going to attend a summer interest class. Please negotiate for a price!\” During this summer vacation, this is not the first time that I have been to a friend. I’ve seen such “bargain links” in my circle. Many friends are sharing discount links, hoping to send their children to summer classes so that they can develop new interests and hobbies. I went in skillfully, clicked \”Bargain\”, and then exited. I replied: \”It\’s off.\” The acquaintance saw my reply and expressed his gratitude to me. She seemed to be free, so she started chatting with me and asked if my daughter had taken any interest classes. I told her that not long ago, the girl gave up her art studies for three years. Some acquaintances are a little surprised, thinking that I don’t pay attention to my children’s education. She told me that letting children learn talents does not necessarily mean that they will become famous masters, but a child without talents will definitely lack self-confidence compared with a child with talents. Children who are versatile can get more praise from people. And those children who don\’t have talents and don\’t get so much recognition, how can they become confident? However, can children gain real confidence if they attend more interest classes and learn more talents? I couldn\’t help but think of my distant cousin. My cousin, her mother has always believed that persisting in learning talents can help children build their self-confidence by showing their skills in front of others. My cousin started learning to play piano when she was four years old and took 7 or 8 interest classes one after another. Every Spring Festival, when visiting her cousin\’s house for New Year greetings, her mother would always call her cousin enthusiastically and show off her skills in front of everyone. My cousin dances very well and plays the piano very well. Every time my cousin performs a talent show, both adults and children will be amazed by her talent and can\’t help but applaud and praise her. From elementary school to college, my cousin has always been the center of attention. As a result, we have always felt that our cousin is a particularly confident person. But it wasn\’t until we heard our cousin\’s complaint that we were shocked to realize that she was not what we imagined. When my cousin was in college, she competed with others for class president. She and a boy were tied in votes, and they were chasing each other. Gradually, the boy\’s votes came in ahead, and her heart was in her throat. Every time the classmates cast a vote, she felt like a hammer hitting her heart hard. In the end, the cousin lost the election. She suppressed her disappointment and embarrassment, pretending not to care and continued joking with her classmates. For the entire semester after that, she kept thinking about why her classmates didn\’t choose her. Her cousin has good grades, is humble and friendly, and is versatile, but she doesn’t know why she wasn’t the final candidate. I told my cousin, since you wanted to be the squad leader, why didn\’t you take the initiative to ask and collect some feedback from everyone. Even if you don\’t become the squad leader this time, you can continue to work hard next time. My cousin told me she was scared. She fears hearing negative feedback from others. Even if she knows that actively receiving negative comments is good for her. \”When I was a child, every time I danced, sang, or played the piano, I would be very happy to get everyone\’s praise. However, when everyone competed with me on things I couldn\’t do, I would feel worthless and worthless.\” Recently, hallMy sister has graduated from graduate school. Under the incomprehension of everyone, she gave up her favorite offer from a multinational company and joined an ordinary company as a clerk. Many times, we base our confidence on the evaluation of others. I can dance, but others can\’t; I can sing, but others can\’t; I can program, but others can\’t; It seems that only if I can get more than others and get more praise, my existence will be valuable. . However, how can a person be perfect in everything? It is simply impossible to win in all competitions. Mr. Lin Qingxuan once wrote an article. He and his son saw a noodle vendor cooking noodles on the street. The vendor was very skilled in cooking noodles. He put the oily noodles into the bamboo basket used for hot noodles and stuffed them into the noodles. One, but he stuffed more than a dozen handfuls in an instant, and then he put the long strings of bamboo laozi into the pot and boiled them. His child was stunned and said to him: \”Dad, I guess if you compete with the noodle seller in selling noodles, you will definitely lose!\” Faced with the child\’s sudden question, Mr. Lin Qingxuan laughed and admitted frankly , when it comes to cooking noodles, I will definitely lose to the noodle seller. \”Not only will I lose, but I will lose miserably.\” Mr. Lin Qingxuan not only admitted that he would lose to the noodle seller when it came to cooking noodles, but also told his son that he would lose to the noodle seller when it came to frying noodles. When it comes to making fried dough sticks, I will lose to the people who sell fried dough sticks, and when it comes to cooking dumplings, I will not be able to compete with the people in the dumpling shop. Except for writing articles, he is inferior to others in most things in this world. But he didn\’t feel anything was wrong. On the contrary, he found that he was inferior to others in many aspects, which was a very meaningful thing. Because \”If we are self-centered, we are likely to think that we are the top people. Once we rest our madness and look at it with a pure heart, we will find how small we are. Among the crowd, if there is no such thing as the whole market, Support, we can’t even eat a set of sesame seed fried dough sticks! This is why even the sages lamented: “I am not as good as an old farmer, I am not as good as an old farmer.” When will we be able to see clearly where we are inferior to others, then That’s when you have real confidence in life.” When a person bases all his confidence on external evaluation and feels that he must be better than others, then once he is not recognized, it is easy to lose self-confidence and feel inferior and inferior. helpless. On the contrary, truly confident people tend not to care so much about the evaluation of the outside world. They are convinced that even if they are inferior to others, they are worthy of recognition and love. Therefore, those who are truly confident are more likely to focus their main energy on what they are really interested in, and are less likely to fall into self-attack and consume a lot of energy in worry, anxiety, tension, etc. I think that enrolling children in interest classes with the idea of ​​making them more confident is probably not going to work out as expected. Therefore, when it comes to enrolling in interest classes, can we let go of some anxiety and be less utilitarian, and let interest classes return to their own meaning and make them truly become children\’s interests? After all, the way to make children more confident is not to let them only win but never lose in all comparisons, but to let them accept their imperfect selves. So, how can we make children more confident? Below, here are our tips:1. As a mother, please allow yourself to fail. After I became a mother, I found that everyone thinks that raising children is a woman’s bounden duty. In addition to my mother-in-law, even my mother believes that as a mother, you must take good care of your children. But we are all first-time mothers, right? When faced with a crying and ignorant child, there will always be times when we feel restless and at a loss, right? So, dear, why can’t you be more tolerant of yourself? When we can tolerate our mistakes and be inferior to others, perhaps children can better accept themselves and view failures and successes honestly. So to hell with the belief that you have to be a good decathlon mom! In fact, you don\’t have to be a very good mother. Take H’s mother as an example. As a middle-aged woman who is confused and often makes mistakes, when it comes to being a mother, I feel that I can only pass at best. But I feel that my life is quite enjoyable. My little girl has not become an uneducated scumbag, nor does she have any shameful character problems. Although she is a bit naughty sometimes, she has always been a good child who loves life. 2. Allow children to feel frustration. Many times, we don’t see our children being wronged. When children are wronged, it is easy to arouse our anxiety. So I yell at my child, hoping that the child will get rid of the negative emotions as soon as possible. However, these methods cannot help children get rid of negative emotions. When a child is frustrated because of denial, you might as well give the child a hug and tell him: \”I love you\” so that he can experience that we still love him who is frustrated at this time. After accompanying our children to recover from setbacks, we can think together with our children. What have we learned through this experience? Not everything has to be perfect. But we can strive to do things better one day at a time. Do you think that\’s the case?