Are you really competent as a parent? An article teaches you how to be a smart mother and cultivate good character in your children

Have you ever wondered: Why is this child becoming more and more disobedient? You have read countless parenting books for this purpose and tried every means to make your children submit to you. However, it seems that those dry words cannot always give you the magic power to control your children. The reason is that the methods of experts may be suitable for other children, but not for your child. The key to educating your own children well is whether you have a true understanding of yourself and your children, whether you are respectful, and whether you listen and share. Emotions, as well as the ability to self-reflect and think, educating children requires wisdom, rather than blindly following the instructions. After all, children are not objects, they are smart people with their own thoughts and vitality. When a child is born, he or she is like a blank piece of paper, allowing parents to draw on it. Gradually, the child becomes self-aware and tries to control some things on its own. For example, if she wants to eat cookies, and you give her other food, she will refuse to eat it. 3-6 years old is a critical period for the formation of a child\’s personality. People often say, \”Three years old looks older, and seven years old looks older.\” This is also what it means. Of course, personality can also be changed after adulthood, but it is much more difficult than for children. The formation of a child\’s character depends on the development of daily habits, and habits depend on the guardian. Generally speaking, parents\’ education plays a decisive role. As a parent, you must first educate your children to achieve self-discipline. Only by controlling your own emotions can you be able to accept your children\’s various emotions. Let’s take myself as an example: Once, something unpleasant happened at work, and I was in a panic. When I got home, my child urged me to play with her over and over again, which made me feel very irritable. At this time, the child took the initiative to help me beat the eggs. Because I was in a hurry to cook, I did not disagree with her help, but the child finally beat the eggs and dropped them on the ground. At this time, my emotions were touched to the breaking point, and I suddenly lost control and got angry at the child, who was so frightened that he cried. I quickly explained to the child that it was the mother\’s fault and she shouldn\’t be angry with you. In fact, the child\’s intentions are good. Firstly, she is curious about beating eggs, and secondly, she wants to try to help me with things, but she is not skilled in the technique of beating eggs. However, I was affected by my bad mood and lost my normal judgment and rationality. Instead of teaching my children how to crack eggs, I blamed my children for hindering me from doing things. Assuming that I am a mother with mature self-control, when faced with this behavior of my child, I will first see that the child\’s motives are good, and while encouraging the child\’s behavior, I will teach the child how to crack eggs. After the child has experienced the successful experience of beating eggs, give her appropriate praise. In this way, the child will have more recognition from his mother and more self-confidence. Obviously, in this education process, as a mother, I have failed in my duty. In my reflection on myself, I found that a good parent can provide a supportive environment for their children. Praise your children when they do something well; support them when they are frustrated. An article I once read mentioned: It is impossible to praise children before the age of 3 too much, because the young mind of a child needs all the protection and love of the parents in order to grow up soundly. Otherwise, the child will be easilyIt is easy to produce frustration and inferiority complex. To a certain extent, it is not an exaggeration to say that parents are the culprits of children’s psychological frailty. On the contrary, we Chinese parents tell their children not to be proud when they do something well; when their children are frustrated, they blame them and say it is all their own fault. We may use fear of pride or embarrassment as a reason not to praise our children. However, as children, they are still unable to understand the deeper meaning behind their parents\’ implicit expressions. You criticize her and say it is for her own good so that she can correct her bad habits, but the child will feel that she will always be the worst in the eyes of her parents. The child does things perfectly, and you end all the child\’s efforts with a \”yes\”. The praise she wants can never be obtained from her parents. This will make the child try her best to please her parents, or she will never do anything because her parents will act like they are dissatisfied with her. In addition to giving necessary praise to children, it is also important to show moderate love to children. The so-called moderate love refers to love that is not too much for children. There are many manifestations of excessive love. Let me give you three examples: Arranging everything for your children. Children aged five or six can dress, eat and wash themselves. However, parents take over and take full responsibility for things that their children can do by themselves, depriving their children of the independence they must have when growing up. At this point I am very relieved that my daughter has never given me any trouble. Sometimes I was in a hurry at work and watched her buttoning up her clothes bit by bit, and I impulsively wanted to help her, but she would refuse and wouldn\’t give up until she finished it herself. Don\’t see your child crying and obey all your child\’s wishes, regardless of whether the request is reasonable or not. The most lethal thing for parents is their children\’s crying. Children are born with the ability to cry, especially for parents who pay high attention to their children. Crying has become a unique weapon for children to threaten their parents. Of course, I don\’t mean to ignore the child\’s crying, but as a parent, you must be able to rationally identify the real appeal of the child\’s crying. Is she crying for a reason, or is she taking advantage of your sympathy to fulfill her unreasonable demands? To truly be able to judge whether it should be a serious rejection or a reasonable satisfaction. This is indeed a test of a parent\’s mind, an ability that requires long-term communication and interaction with children to develop. Develop the habit of giving special treatment to your children, who only treats you as your own. This is especially true in only-child families. It was reported online that a girl named Yang Lijuan was a fan of Andy Lau. In order to meet Andy Lau, the shocking incident led her father to sell his house, sell his kidney and eventually committed suicide, which aroused widespread social attention. The reason is largely due to his father\’s excessive doting on his daughter. Children who are accustomed to enjoying all privileges only have eyes for themselves. This may be due to human instinct, but to prevent children from being too selfish, to a certain extent, parents have to play the role of another child of the same age. In my family, my father acts as such a \”child\”. The father will deliberately compete with his children to eat the food he buys. At first, the children will be emotional or slightly aggrieved. But over time, the children gradually realized that eating could be shared by the whole family, which would make them happier, and they developed the habit of not eating alone.habit. As a mother, you must be good at listening to your children. Allow children to evaluate their parents, rather than simply using their parents\’ power to control their children. I couldn\’t do it before, but in the past two years, through study, practice and reflection, I have gradually mastered this skill. A few days ago, my five-year-old daughter said to me: \”Mom, don\’t get angry anymore. When you get angry, you look very fierce, like a tiger, like a lion, and like a witch.\” I said, \”It\’s so scary, then I should be like What\’s the same?\” She said: \”Be like a cat that never hurts people, or be like a bear, such as the Unlucky Bear, but don\’t be as stupid as the Unlucky Bear.\” Faced with children describing my image with characters from cartoons, I both I was surprised by the children\’s imagination, and felt ashamed of my own ignorance and anger. Although the child may be small, she has bright eyes, a pure heart and a smart mind. I said, \”I will work hard to correct my bad temper and be a gentle and happy mother. Can you supervise me every day, okay?\” She said, \”Mom, you are simply my idol.\” I asked, \”Why Yeah?\” She said: \”Because you know how to correct your own mistakes.\” This communication with my daughter made me clearly understand: asking your children to evaluate you regularly will make you have a certain understanding of your own behavior. Reviewing can also strengthen the child\’s language expression ability and bring the parent-child relationship closer. Being an open-minded parent will definitely promote your children\’s spiritual growth more than being arbitrary and domineering. The most difficult thing for people is to admit their own shortcomings, and often their own shortcomings are revealed when facing innocent and kind children. The problem at this time is not that the child is rebellious, but that he cannot face his own ugliness, so he turns to And attack children. You can choose to do it once and for all according to the traditional methods of the elders, but the result is that as the children grow up, they will run into obstacles everywhere, the children will be rebellious, and you will get sulky. The process of educating children is actually a process that allows a parent to gain spiritual growth and transformation and maturity. If every parent can admit his own shortcomings, listen to his children\’s voices, accept all kinds of negative emotions, and use wisdom rationally, there will be no difficult children to raise.