As a parent, you must control your mouth

Let me tell you two short stories first: Last weekend, I took my son home from the park. Passing by the central flower bed of the community, a mother came over with a boy about 3 years old. The little boy was walking beside him, but his mother kept her distance, her face full of anger. He also scolded the child loudly: \”No one will like you. I don\’t even want a child like you.\” But the child glanced at his mother as if nothing had happened. At this time, the mother became even more anxious, \”Did you hear what I said? If you do this next time, don\’t go home.\” The little child must have been used to his mother\’s accusations, and he never reacted. In fact, how can we expect a reaction from such a young child? Ask him to keep nodding and say obediently, \”Mom, I was wrong. I won\’t dare to do it next time.\” Sensible girls may still do this. Or there will be footage like this on TV. The reality is: it is really impossible for the stunned little boy to nod and admit his mistake like this. Moms should be more understanding, communicate in different ways, and keep their mouths shut. Many mothers say that if their children disobey, they must be spanked. Is it really so? Opposite the house I rented before, there was a courier store. The landlady is forthright and resolute in her work. She is a capable person who takes charge of her own business. In addition, he has a loud voice, so when he lectures a child, people on the 6th floor opposite will stick their necks out to see what is going on. I always remember that she often took a broom and spanked the 4-year-old child\’s butt. He also stood at the door with his hands on his hips and told everyone, \”This is a disobedient creature, so you need to be spanked. Talking is useless.\” It\’s understandable for a child to be given a spanking and a warning. But she also pointed her finger at the tip of the child\’s nose to stop the child from crying. Only allow your own emotions to be vented, and children are not allowed to cry. I really don’t know what kind of mentality it is. Maybe she thought it was love. If you give birth to your own child, you can do whatever you want. If you don\’t do it, it won\’t work. But the child will eventually grow into a social person. I can form a family of my own and be a father and a mother. Therefore, as a parent, you must first take care of your own mouth. It is not easy to take care of your own mouth. Because the focus is on the inner emotions behind the mouth and the way it is communicated. There are too many parents who like to use their authority to order their children from a high position. So we often hear \”Because this is what I said, you must listen!\” But the more this is true, the more confrontational the child will feel. \”I\” is me, why should I listen to you? I remember seeing a sentence before, \”Mom, Dad, please don\’t eat me.\” It’s worth pondering, because powerful parents always like to replace their children’s ideas with their own. In the movie \”The Kite Runner\”, there is a line that is very touching: \”A child is not a drawing exercise book. You can\’t just paint the colors you like.\” \”He is not like you, my friend. Never will be.\” He will be like you. But just watch, he will become very good in the future. \”This is what people who understand children would say. I found that every parent who can handle their children easily is a master of communication, and they can always make their children feel respected. So when communicating, I squat down and look into the child\’s eyes. Rather than using authority to intimidate and coerce children into submission. So, don’t be that person who doesn’t allow children to cry, only allows them to laugh.\’s parents. Some parents don\’t want to see their children crying, especially when they are educating their children with emotions. It seems that when a child cries, he escapes and disagrees with his own words. In fact, many times, it is just a kind of psychological protection for children and an expression of emotions. When you point at your child\’s nose and shout, \”Don\’t cry.\” How does the child feel inside? There is a very famous German picture book \”The Mother Who Yells When Angry\”, in which a cute baby penguin tells us about the extraordinary experience between it and its mother. \”This morning, my mother lost her temper and yelled angrily at me. As a result, I was so scared that I scattered all over and ran away… My head flew into the universe, my belly fell into the sea, and my My mouth was stuck on the mountain. In the end, my mother, who lost her temper and yelled, took me back and patched me up. My mother said \”I\’m sorry\” to me, and I forgave my mother. Children who are hurt by their parents\’ yelling are full of heart Fearful, even trembling, they rely on unconstrained wanderings to escape the frightening real world. Children\’s emotions are changeable, with good and bad emotions. When children are depressed or irritable, Parents need more guidance to tell their children how to face and manage their emotions. Squatting down and holding a crying child with empathy is far more effective than irritably ordering the child not to cry, especially in public, in full view of how bad the child feels. Ah! At this time, we need a gentle hug and a look that understands us. Slowly, the child\’s mood will become more and more stable, and his heart will become more and more stable. Many parents, and even teachers, like to label their children. . I remember that when I was in elementary school, I was the deputy monitor of my class. My task was to give the little red flowers in the class to the children who were rated as outstanding by the teacher every Monday, and then write down the list of naughty children at the back of the classroom. Even though I did this, I didn\’t find that any of the children on the \”blacklist\” became better. On the contrary, they became more naughty! A friend who played well with me secretly told me: \”Actually, I really like the teacher\’s My name is written on the blackboard! If I study seriously, no one will notice me. \”Now that I think about it, I feel really sad. Isn\’t that how we treat our children? We label them when we find they make mistakes. In the end, the children become more and more what the labels describe. In the picture book \”Edward·The Scariest Boy in the World\” In the book, the little boy Edward is a boy who is affected by labels as he grows up. Do not label children at will, especially negative labels, because if you say that a child is naughty and disobedient, he will really be \”naughty and disobedient\”. Give Positive and uplifting comments about children will help them develop in the direction you want. There is also a kind of parents who always talk about other people’s children’s good qualities and often hurt their children with their mouths. “Look at other people’s children, why do they always Being able to get high scores in the exam is nothing like you! \”It\’s better to change the way: \”Don\’t be discouraged, there is still a lot of room for hard work, come on, I believe in you. \”Parents who often compare their children with other people\’s children must change their behavior!If you compare other people\’s advantages to your own shortcomings, it may not necessarily make you change your shortcomings. Sometimes you feel that you have to be like this. Especially for rebellious children, your negative hints sometimes push them further. Far. No matter how much you talk, it’s better to do it. Teaching by precept and deed is also a kind of language, but this language is expressed in another way. When it comes to raising children, the biggest fear is \”parents who can\’t do what they say\”. They set a lot of rules and preach endlessly, but it doesn\’t taste like it in practice. I often hear the roar of thunder and even flashes of lightning. But there was not a drop of rain. When raising children, they must have a sense of rules. Some of the rules you set for your children cannot be broken. You cannot satisfy your children just because they cry, otherwise it will be easy for your children to control you with their crying. For example, when my son was more than 3 years old, he would say to me when he passed by a canteen, \”Dad, I haven\’t had ice cream in a long time.\” I would tell him, \”I know! But it\’s not the season yet!\” He would rock in place and hum, and I knew he wanted to eat it. I would tell him, I know the ice cream is delicious. But it’s not the season to eat. You have to know that I won’t buy it now, no matter if you cry or not. Then we stood there, not beating or scolding, just accompanying him. Let him think about it calmly. Even if I am very anxious and have a lot of work at home, I must not let go first. After that, I will understand that it is not that my father does not buy it, but it is not suitable yet. I also understand that crying cannot control adults to achieve the goal of success. And if you stick to your principles and help your children develop a sense of obeying the rules, you won\’t be so anxious and irritable. We should squat down often to bring our hearts closer to our children, and control our mouths. Say, do more!