As soon as the child learns, the mother will start roaring mode! Why talk about waiting for the flowers to bloom?

A mother of a child in middle school sent me a message asking me to give her some advice. His child has poor attention span, and asking him to read and write every day is like killing him. The words taught today will be forgotten tomorrow. The children still don\’t recognize the word \”left and right\” after recognizing it over and over for more than a week. My mother said that the child was the most upset in the whole family when he was writing. He would have to drink water, pee, or just be in a daze with a pencil and eraser. It would take more than an hour to finish writing while his mother was watching him. If you don\’t keep an eye on it, you won\’t be able to finish two lines of words for several hours. The mother was so anxious that she didn’t know how to teach her children to fall in love with learning. The mother said that now her child has a headache when she sees her studying. She also has a headache every day when she gets off work and thinks about going home to study with her child. Don\’t talk about studying, a mother is kind and her son is filial, but when it comes to studying, all the chattering will happen, and it will automatically switch to the roaring channel. She has spanked and punished her children: they were not allowed to sleep until they finished writing, and they were not allowed to watch TV until they recognized the words correctly, but it had no effect at all. Every time it ends with yelling. She herself was very sad, especially when she had to face not only her inner guilt but also her husband\’s ridicule after yelling. When she yelled at the beginning, her husband didn\’t say anything and just looked on with cold eyes. Then he told her that she had a bad temper, which was not good for the children\’s spiritual growth. Later, every time after yelling, my husband would act as the peacemaker. After being ridiculed again, she firmly handed over the responsibility of supervising the study to her husband, hoping to see how he could patiently guide her. My husband was really patient and personable at first, but after going back and forth for almost half an hour, my husband suddenly exploded! He yelled and almost tore the child\’s book. She finally understood her husband\’s mood at this moment, and she couldn\’t help but sneered at her husband. In the end, both of them were painful and regretful, and they determined to be patient with their son in the future. But the next time she was given guidance on learning, she still couldn\’t help yelling. Now she was particularly confused and didn\’t know what to do. I told her that I deeply understand her pain, because my family is also a member of the primary school learning army. However, her child has just started yelling every day in middle school. How will she survive in elementary school? Do parents have to yell at their own bodies to find problems before they can let go of their obsession with their children’s grades? Speaking of which, I couldn\’t help but send her a picture that has been trending in the circle of friends these days. I told her that her son had only entered the middle class of kindergarten. If she continued in this situation, her son would not need to go to fifth grade, and she would probably suffer from heart disease and high blood pressure! She sighed and said she didn\’t want to do this, but she was particularly worried about her child\’s future. What if you already have this kind of virtue, can\’t concentrate, don\’t like to study, and go to school? In the future, I will definitely be unable to keep up, become a poor student, and be discriminated against. There are many parents like this mother who worry that her child will not be able to keep up with her in the future, that he will become a poor student, that he will grow up to be worthless, and that he will not even be able to find a job because of some minor condition of his child. I can understand the anxiety of parents. The current overall environment is very confusing, so many parents are trying their best to get their children to learn when they are young. I feel that as long as I work hardIf forced, children will learn. This is a typical example of pushing back a young child to encourage growth. Children\’s learning abilities develop gradually. For a 4-year-old child, his attention span is very short. If he is asked to spend 1-2 hours doing boring reading and writing, he can\’t do it. At this time, parents\’ pressure will undoubtedly aggravate the child\’s dislike of learning. When a child enters elementary school, his abilities become much stronger, and with the guidance of school teachers and classmates, he will naturally start to pay attention to learning. No need to rush. If we take a longer view and look back at the present from the perspective of 20-30 years later, we will find that all the problems now are not problems. My mother hesitated at first and said that if we take a longer-term view, this question really seems to be meaningless. But what should I do if she still can\’t be so calm? Seeing that she was still anxious, I showed her some photos. My mother said that these two notebooks looked tattered, even though they were densely written, and the handwriting was not neat. She didn\’t understand why I sent this to her. I told her the story of the notebook owner. He is the son of a distant sister of mine, who is born in the 1990s. These two notebooks are the notes he took when he recently worked hard to learn video editing and post-production synthesis. Because he is very busy at work, he often doesn\’t get home until 11 o\’clock in the evening. But no matter how busy or tired he is when he gets home, he has to listen to the day\’s lessons, take notes carefully, and finish the day\’s study tasks before going to bed. He has three large volumes of such dense notes. He said that he never thought that one day he would study so seriously. Because he used to be a proper academic scumbag. When he was in school, he was always at the bottom of the list. For a period of time, he was addicted to online games. He skipped classes countless times to go to Internet cafes to surf the Internet. Even when his parents caught him and beat him up, he still refused to change. Five years ago, he came to Shanghai, and I introduced him to a job that required him to use Excel to make statistics. This young man, who was very good at playing online games, could not learn Excel after learning it for a month. His company leaders, my son\’s father, and I all almost vomited blood. Because he didn\’t know Excel, he left in despair before the probation period was over. But this young man who didn’t even learn Excel suddenly became obsessed with photography one day and suddenly found his interest. Then he worked very hard. He started as a photography assistant 5 years ago and now he is engaged in portrait photography. He is well-known in the industry, and many Internet celebrities have asked him to help take photos. Half a year ago, he started learning video editing and production. He studied while working, and every second counts on his way to and from get off work every day, without wasting any time. To be honest, I admire this explosive enthusiasm for learning! Feeling ashamed. There are many, many children around me who had poor academic performance when they were young and then suddenly turned around when they grew up. Many times, it\’s not that children don\’t work hard, but that their minds are immature, they don\’t have mature learning abilities, and they haven\’t found something they are willing to devote all their enthusiasm to. At this time, all parents need to do is: wait! The growth of a child itself is a long waiting process. No child is born knowing everything. From the time they are babies, they begin a long journey of learning. they wantLearn to eat, learn to speak, learn to roll over, learn to walk… all the abilities needed for growth must be acquired through a long period of study. In the learning process, you will find that children\’s abilities themselves are different. Some children can roll over very early, but only learn to walk when they are more than one year old. Some children have never been able to crawl, but they talk very early. Some children are still slow to speak, but their teeth have grown in all the time. No matter how different children\’s abilities are, they will eventually learn basic survival skills. Some children develop early and mature mentally earlier, while some children develop later and are mentally immature. However, immaturity does not mean that they will not mature, but they will mature later. It is like the four seasons of the year. Different flowers bloom, and colorful flowers are the most prosperous in spring. However, just because most flowers bloom in spring, we should not deny the elegance of lotus in summer, the colorfulness of chrysanthemums in autumn, and the fragrance of winter plums. The flowers bloom differently, but those that bloom later are more impressive. Since we all have such patience with flowers, why can’t we always wait for children and always hope to use the same standard to measure the “goodness” and “promise” of children? A person\’s life is very long, and whether he or she is successful cannot be measured solely by his or her grades as a child. My sister used to be a primary school teacher. Last winter, she conducted a survey on some students she had taught. She found that although the children in the same class had different jobs and had good and bad careers, everyone was doing well in their own lives. Running hard on the track. Some children had outstanding achievements and abilities when they were young, and now they are still outstanding at work when they grow up. There is a girl who has been outstanding since childhood and is now the CEO of a multinational company. Her year-end award is a Porsche. Some children had outstanding achievements when they were young, but their performance was mediocre when they grew up. Now they have a stable job and have no worries about food and clothing. Some children were very naughty when they were young and their grades were terrible. Now they are running their own small companies and doing well. There are also children who were poor academics when they were young. Their parents used countless methods to find teachers to make up lessons every day, but their grades were still messed up. But when he was in middle school, one day the child suddenly enlightened and began to work hard. Now he is a top student in a prestigious university! So when educating your children, as a parent, you must be patient and be able to wait! This does not mean to let go, but to guide appropriately in a way that is consistent with the child\’s growth pattern. Provide children with the nutrients they need for growth, how to absorb them, how to grow, and let them take their time according to their own needs. Every child’s performance is different. They have their own way of absorption and growth rules. When we feel that we can’t teach our children well, maybe the child is absorbing in his own way. If we wait patiently, we can provide Enough nutrients and soil, give him enough space. Don’t rush or force, give your children time and space to grow. As long as they take root in the soil, one day, your children will naturally grow lush. If our urging and coercion destroy the inner motivation of children, their absorptive ability will be weakened. When the inner motivation of children is destroyed, they may not be able to learn no matter how we instill it. Many children nowAfter entering middle school or college, the child suddenly becomes tired of studying and loses interest and courage in life. The main reason is that the child\’s inner growth motivation has been destroyed. The reason why nature makes human childhood so long is because it hopes that children will be like children before they become adults, fully playing, fully exploring the world, and growing up slowly. Children already have unlimited possibilities to achieve their own goals. All parents can do is to believe in their children, let them grow up slowly, and allow them time and space to experience, experience, and comprehend. When they are physically and mentally capable of what they should be at their actual age, When the child\’s level is reached, the child will bloom gorgeous flowers. Three points teach, seven points and so on. Every child has unlimited possibilities. As a parent, do you have the courage and wisdom to wait for the flowers to bloom? !