At home, if your children ask for these three things from you, parents must refuse! If you give it to a relative and become an enemy

In the harbor of love – home, every gift carries deep emotions and expectations. However, in the heart-warming yet challenging journey of parenting, parents often face a dilemma: when to be generous and when to firmly say no. Let\’s explore together how to find a balance between love and principles and protect the purest family affection. 1. Unconditional doting: Rejecting \”unrestricted material satisfaction\” Psychological perspective: Behaviorist psychology believes that individual behavior is shaped through reward and punishment mechanisms. Oversatisfying children\’s material needs is tantamount to giving unconditional rewards. If things go on like this, children may form a psychological model of \”external locus of control\” and believe that all success and happiness come from external gifts rather than self-efforts. This psychological model can easily lead to children lacking intrinsic motivation, lack of sense of responsibility, and even being unable to bear setbacks in the future. Quotation from classic Chinese studies: \”It is easy to move from frugality to extravagance, but it is difficult to move from extravagance to frugality.\” – Sima Guang\’s \”Exercise frugality to show health\”. The ancients have long understood that excessive material enjoyment can easily erode people\’s will and make people lose their fighting spirit in comfort. As parents, we should lead by example and guide our children to understand the value of frugality and cherishment, rather than blindly indulging their material desires. Xiaojie is the only son in the family, and has lived in the endless love of his parents since he was a child. Whenever he made a request for new toys or electronic products, his parents always satisfied him without saying a word. Gradually, Xiaojie\’s appetite grew bigger and bigger, and his desire for material things almost became his entire life. Once, due to financial reasons, his parents were temporarily unable to satisfy his desire to buy the latest game console. Xiaojie became furious and said the hurtful words \”You don\’t love me at all\”, and the family atmosphere dropped to freezing point. \”Mom, I want the latest game console!\” Xiaojie\’s eyes flashed with desire. \”Baby, our budget is a bit tight this month. Can I buy it for you next month?\” Mom explained gently. \”No! I want it now! You always don\’t buy me what I want!\” Xiaojie\’s voice was full of dissatisfaction and anger. This scene shows the consequences of doting. Children fail to understand the hardships of life and the hard work of their parents. They only know how to take, but do not understand gratitude and consideration. Parents need to stand firm at this moment and let their children understand through communication that true happiness does not lie in the accumulation of material things, but in the wealth and growth of the soul. 2. Unprincipled concession: Reject \”unconditional obedience\” Psychological perspective: Developmental psychology points out that as children grow up, they will gradually form self-awareness and independent awareness. If parents blindly obey all the wishes of their children, it will not only hinder the development of their self-exploration and decision-making abilities, but may also cultivate a \”narcissistic personality\”, that is, excessive self-centeredness and difficulty in considering the feelings of others. Quote from the Classics of Chinese Studies: \”If you love someone without following the Tao, you will do harm to someone who loves you.\” – \”Zi Zhi Tong Jian\”. This sentence warns us that love must be done in a right way, and blind doting will actually harm the child. Parental love should lie in guiding children to distinguish right from wrong, rather than blindly obeying their unreasonable demands. Xiaoyu is a smart child, but has a somewhat willful personality. Whenever she wants to do something, no matter whether it is reasonable or not, her parents always try to satisfy her, for fear of wronging her. Once, the school organized a spring outing, and Xiaoyu insisted on wearing her own clothes.My favorite princess dress, even though the weather forecast said there was rain that day. Her parents were worried that she would catch a cold and persuaded her to change clothes, but Xiaoyu kept crying and finally gave in. As a result, on the day of the spring outing, Xiaoyu caught a cold due to being exposed to the rain and missed many interesting activities, which she regretted greatly. Dialogue and psychological analysis: \”Mom, I want to wear a princess dress for a spring outing!\” Xiaoyu said stubbornly. \”Xiao Yu, it will rain today and it will be cold if you wear a skirt. Can we change into another one?\” Mom persuaded patiently. \”No, I want to wear it!\” Xiao Yu started to cry. Parents tend to be soft-hearted when faced with their children\’s crying, but this time they chose to stick to their principles, patiently explain and help Xiaoyu understand the consequences. Although the process was difficult, Xiaoyu eventually learned to respect the rules and realized his parents\’ good intentions. 3. Borderless privacy invasion: Reject \”uncontrolled snooping\” Psychological perspective: Respecting children\’s right to privacy is an important cornerstone for building their self-esteem and self-confidence. Excessive prying into children\’s secrets will make children feel untrusted, which will lead to rebellious psychology and even affect the trusting relationship between parents and children. Quotation from Chinese classics: \”The friendship between gentlemen is as light as water, while the friendship between villains is as sweet as sweet wine.\” – Zhuangzi. Although this sentence talks about the way to make friends, it can also be extended to the wisdom of getting along with parents and children. Parents and children also need to maintain appropriate distance and respect to achieve long-term harmony. After Hao entered adolescence, he began to have his own little secrets. He often hid in his room writing diaries and chatting. Out of concern, her mother, Ms. Li, secretly checked Lin Hao\’s mobile phone and diary, trying to understand his life and thoughts. However, after this behavior was discovered by Lin Hao, the relationship between mother and son suddenly became tense, and Lin Hao even began to refuse to communicate with his mother. \”Mom, why are you reading my diary again!\” Lin Hao asked angrily. \”I…I\’m just worried about you and want to know how you are doing lately.\” Ms. Li\’s voice had a hint of panic. \”I don\’t need such care! What you do makes me feel like I have no privacy at all!\” Lin Hao\’s eyes were filled with disappointment and anger. In this case, although Ms. Li’s intentions were good, her approach was completely wrong. She ignored adolescent children\’s extreme sensitivity and need for privacy, which ultimately led to a rift in the parent-child relationship. The correct approach should be to establish open and honest communication channels with children and encourage children to take the initiative to share rather than satisfy their curiosity through prying. Conclusion: Guarding the boat of family affection and balancing love and principles On the road of parenting, parents are both guides and guardians. In the face of children\’s demands, we need to use the eyes of wisdom to discern what is true love and need, and what is doting and indulgence. Reject unlimited material satisfaction and cultivate children\’s sense of responsibility and gratitude; reject unprincipled obedience and guide children to learn independent thinking and decision-making; reject uncontrolled snooping and respect children\’s privacy rights and space for growth. As the Chinese classics say: \”Love that is not in the right way will cause harm.\” Let us use the correct love to hold up a blue sky for the growth of our children, so that the boat of family affection can move forward steadily in the ocean of love, and work together Reach the other side of happiness. In the days to come, I hope every parent can become an eternal beacon in the hearts of their children, illuminating their path forward and warming their hearts..