At what age should you sleep separately from your children? I\’ll really regret it if I know it\’s too late

A few days ago, Dan\’s mother returned to her hometown and took Dingdang to visit her husband\’s sister\’s house. She found that Dingdang\’s 9-year-old cousin was still sleeping squeezed in between her sister and her brother-in-law. She asked her sister why she didn\’t give the child a separate bed to sleep in? My sister said disapprovingly: \”He doesn\’t want to sleep alone. I\’m also worried about him kicking the quilt and catching cold at night. However, the child always likes to touch me when sleeping. Is this okay?\” My answer was firm: \”Of course it is.\” Because, If a child \”sleeps in the same bed\” with his parents at such an old age, it will really harm him: 1. He has a bad personality. At the age when it is time to separate, children who still sleep with their parents and do not have their own independent space will be more independent in the future. Sexual performance, self-care ability, and adaptability will be much worse. 2. Influence on the child’s future sexual psychology. When Dan’s mother was a child, her family built a new house. Before the third grade, the whole family slept in the same room although they had different beds. At that time, although she did not understand anything about men and women, she would occasionally wake up in the middle of the night and hear her father. Mom was whispering affectionately, and I felt an inexplicable embarrassment in my heart. For a while, I didn\’t dare to look directly at my parents during the day. Children today are much more mature than we were back then. In reality, I have indeed seen many people have psychological shadows about sex because they accidentally bumped into their parents having sex when they were young. 3. After talking about the needs of children, Dan’s mother would like to say that we adults need to sleep separately from our children. The needs of children are very important, and the needs of parents are equally important. The relationship between husband and wife is always the primary relationship in the family. A family should not make children feel that their parents should sacrifice themselves and revolve around them. If you want your children to become more sensible, just It should start with \”We should also try to discuss our needs with our children.\” Giving children their own bed and room is very important for regaining our personal space, as well as for our married life and relationship. At what age should you sleep separately from your children? 01. Sleeping in separate rooms before the age of 3 will damage the child\’s sense of security. The period before the age of 3 is an important period for the formation of a child\’s sense of security. Forcing children to sleep in separate rooms with their mothers will cause the children to feel abandoned by their mothers. This fear will Damage to the child\’s sleep quality and body, the child may lack self-confidence and security, be suspicious, and have no ability to trust others when they grow up. Before my little nephew was 3 years old, he would sleep with a bear cub in his arms every night. My mother thought this was a sign of fetishism. Later, I accidentally saw the case of psychological counselor Yu Jinlong\’s visit, and I realized that this is because children of this age have not yet formed a complete mother image in their minds. Therefore, in the child\’s subconscious mind, this doll or towel belongs to the mother. It symbolizes that if you sleep with it, you can ensure that your mother will not leave. So, even if it is old and dirty, it is difficult for us to take it away from our children. Therefore, it is very scary for children under the age of 3 to sleep in separate rooms with their parents. 02. If you sleep in separate rooms after elementary school, you may suffer from mental illness as an adult. Similarly, if you sleep in separate rooms with your children too late, your children may suffer from various anxiety disorders, neurosis, human psychological disorders and other psychological effects as adults. When sleeping in the same bed for a long time, children will inevitably come into contact with their parents\’ bodies. For a two or three-year-old child, this kind of contact may causeA safe and warm psychological feeling. But an eight or nine-year-old child may have natural physiological reactions. Another point is that sleeping with older children and parents\’ sex life will also have a negative impact on the children, causing them to be curious and imitate. In this case, if children do not get appropriate channels to seek normal explanations and help, they may satisfy their physiological desires through some means available to them (such as watching pornographic videos, peeping, puppy love, etc.), and may even Produce the crime of rape, or cause physical or psychological abnormalities, leading to neurosis. 03. Children aged 4-5 years old are gradually establishing their self-awareness. This is a good time to propose sleeping in separate rooms. Most children need to go through a period of anxiety before they accept sleeping in separate rooms. Children can be allowed to take longer to adapt, as long as this process is completed before elementary school. But this all depends on the actual situation of the child. A friend of Dan’s mother who had a second child said that her eldest son expressed his wish to sleep by himself when he was 2 years old. With their encouragement, the child adapted to sleeping in separate rooms before he was 3 years old. ;Both are born to the same mother, but the younger son is 5 years old, and it took him almost half a year to adapt. Therefore, there is no \”one size fits all\” when it comes to \”sleeping in separate rooms\”. The specific situation also varies from person to person and depends on factors such as the child\’s mental age, courage, independence, degree of attachment to parents, and the specific environment of the family. Dan’s mother has some tips for sleeping in separate rooms smoothly: 1. Sleep in separate rooms, starting with sleeping in separate beds: Except for special moments such as illness, Dan’s mother will try to let Dingdang sleep in her own small bed. Sometimes he falls asleep in our bed, and I I will also put him in a small bed to sleep, and he will have a clear sense of boundaries from an early age: \”This is mom and dad\’s bed, and that is your bed.\” This is because children who are used to separate beds will not be so painful in the future. 2. Before dividing rooms, use picture books to pave the way: reading these pictures to children in advance can help them better accept sleeping separately~: picture book stories that can help them face the darkness and show bravery and independence, such as: \”The Monster Under the Bed\” \”Picture book stories that can make him feel the love of his parents and feel more secure, such as: \”Guess How Much I Love You\”. My nephew happened to read a picture book when he was a child. It mentioned that the baby bear said good night to his mother and went back by himself. A few months later, his sister-in-law casually asked him: Do you want to have your own room and sleep by yourself like the baby bear? The nephew happily agreed. Although it took a little time to encourage him to adapt, because he agreed first, it went smoothly. 3. To put it another way: My best friend said that she tested her son several times before, but the children didn’t seem to want to sleep separately. Dan’s mother gave her a note: first take him to a friend’s house naturally and visit the wonderfully decorated room of the friend’s son. The private room, my son looked at it and his face was filled with envy. After a few months, I told my son: \”Baby, you will be 6 years old next year. Your parents think you have grown up and are a little man. They plan to give you a room and your own place to play in.\” , Go to sleep, you decide how to arrange it!\” The child was excited when he heard it. After the decoration was completed, with the encouragement of his parents, he half-pushed and half-moved in. 4. Don’t act too hastily, a little separation: ● Accompany your child before going to bed, hug your child, and put something familiar and safe for your child. ● Tell your child that your door is unlocked and that parents will come over at any time if he needs it. ● If the child is nervous about sleeping by himself for the first time, you can allow the child to do some things he likes before going to bed, or you can accompany the child to sleep before leaving to give the child a little buffer time. ● Don’t let your children do too exciting things before going to bed, such as watching TV or talking a lot. Don’t criticize or blame your children before going to bed. ● Allow your child to urinate before going to bed and reduce waking up at night. If your child comes to you when he gets up at night, try to carry him back to the children\’s room for comfort. ● When your child is sick, frustrated, or emotionally fragile, allow your child to sleep with you temporarily. ● If you are afraid that your child will catch a cold, you can let your child sleep in a sleeping bag. If you are really worried about your child at the beginning, you can install a camera in your child\’s room. If you want to watch your child, you can turn on the monitor in your room at any time, so you don\’t have to get up in the middle of the night to watch and disturb your child. But what Dan’s mother wants to remind everyone is that the premise of doing all this is to first see if the child needs it. Sometimes, the child is braver than we think. If we do too much, it will highlight our reluctance and make it more difficult for the child. To be independent, you must always maintain an attitude in front of your children: \”It is normal for you to sleep by yourself. Mom believes you can do it.\” Use gentleness and firmness to promote your children\’s independence.