Babies are not confident and like to lose their temper. These 8 words will help them have a growth mindset.

When he first entered the kindergarten, classmate Zhe had a behavior. In coloring class, the teacher would praise other children for their good drawings. Student Zhe would often ask: \”Teacher, am I good at painting?\” . Seeing that most of his classmates had notified him, he was in a low mood and even had a little tantrum. When he saw me after school, he said, \”I\’m not happy.\” This child, who was very emotional, had everything on his face and on his lips that was clearly on his mind. I explained to him for a long time why others sent notices but he didn\’t, but his bad mood continued for nearly an hour. Once, three children went to the zoo to play together. I only brought two cheeses, and he ate one, and a friend ate one. The last friend got yogurt – something different from what others got, and she became unhappy. The reason why children feel disappointed because they are not praised, and feel sad because they don’t get something or what they get is different, the hidden psychology is mostly: not being taken seriously and not being accepted. This kind of perception will not cause much psychological harm once in a while, but if it is too frequent, it will make the child sensitive, suspicious, unconfident and even give up on himself. There are three reasons for this perception: – It is the nature of children to express their emotions directly; – Being overly concerned at home, more than 90% of their needs will be met; – There are good things at home. , only given to children, so that children feel that \”all good things should be mine\”; – excessive praise, but little encouragement. When children show similar emotions, we\’d better pay attention to cultivating children\’s frustration quotient and growth mindset. If the baby becomes angry, loses his temper, cries, or acts out because of excessive attention, the mother and family members should pay attention to avoid spoiling – not spoiling does not mean getting angry, yelling, or threatening, but When necessary, try to say \”no\” to your child calmly. For example, one time I picked up my classmate Zhe after school and he insisted on buying a ball. I explained to him that I had no budget and we already had four or five balls at home. But he only focused on the present, the present, and kept stubbornly squatting there and asking the aunt selling things: \”Can I touch it?\” The aunt was kind and said yes. I just kept squatting there with him to play with the ball. All the kindergarten children were gone. I asked him again: \”Shall we leave? Or should you tell us a time and let\’s leave in five or ten minutes?\” Student Zhe started crying when he saw it. It really didn\’t work, so he followed me and left angrily. If a child enjoys privileges at home and often feels frustrated at school because others receive rewards or praise, many families do not do well in this regard. reason? Mostly because young people are under great pressure, the children are taken care of by the elderly and their parents. When the parents are strict, the elderly will stand up to protect them; when the parents want to share good things with everyone, the elderly are often reluctant to part with them, and even say: \” All good things belong to the baby.\” Over time, under the pampering of grandparents or grandparents, children think that they deserve more: what is mine is mine, and what others have, I want more. Grandparents and grandparents often give valuable things to their children. I can’t say clearly that this is not good, but I would suggest everyone share it. Grandma often says:\”I stopped eating when I was a long time ago. Just eat Zhezhe.\” When children enter kindergarten, teachers treat all children equally. If children perform well, they will be encouraged and praised; if children perform poorly, they will be criticized and educated. It is common for people to be surrounded by stars at home, but not to be noticed at school, and there is naturally a big psychological gap. When it comes to excessive praise and little encouragement, it may not be easy to tell the difference. Before we explain the difference between the two, let us first share two concepts – Frustration Quotient A person\’s ability to resolve and overcome setbacks. When a growth mindset encounters difficulties, it does not get angry, frustrated, or give up. Instead, it uses all resources, actively analyzes mistakes, and constantly tries new ways to solve problems. (The corresponding fixed mindset: when encountering difficulties, choose to retreat and give up on yourself.) The lower a child\’s frustration quotient is, the farther away he or she is from a growth mindset; and children are unwilling to face failure. The fundamental reason is that they receive too much praise. , there is too little encouragement, and second, the parents\’ goal orientation is too clear, and they ignore the guidance of letting the children enjoy the process of doing things. Think back, when are our parents the happiest when it comes to learning? My dad is more open-minded and doesn\’t care much about my scores, but my mom is extremely sensitive to my scores. If my ranking drops or I don\’t get a double hundred, she will get angry and say, \”You only got so little, are you worthy of me working so hard for you to go to school?\” \”Look at this person, no one in the family is a teacher, and he got 100 in math! Why didn\’t you ask your dad if you don\’t understand?\” The result is good, the adults are happy, and we are happy because the adults are happy. The correct cause and effect relationship should be that children learn happily and parents are happy. Affected by the social environment, we take gains and losses, success and failure, good and bad results too seriously. When classmate Zhe was about 2 years old, a friend came to my house and I was playing poker with him. I \”lost\” and pretended to cry. Subconsciously, I felt that losing was a disgraceful and bad outcome. When my friend saw my performance, he picked up Mr. Zhe and said to him and me: \”It doesn\’t matter if we lose, right? Anyway, we can try again, maybe we will win next time! We, Zhe Zhe, are talented Don’t cry!” I began to reflect on my daily guidance methods and the difference between praise and encouragement; and classmate Zhe remembered one sentence: it doesn’t matter whether he wins or loses. When building blocks, if Mr. Zhe builds the building well, I will say, \”This time the building is higher than last time.\” Instead of saying, \”Baby, you are so good, the building is so high!\” as before, he gets angry because he cannot build the building well. For temper, I would say \”Look, there is an extra door this time, let\’s think about how we can build it higher\” instead of \”It\’s okay, baby, don\’t be in a hurry\”; for coloring, because fine motor development is late, Other children can paint inside the circle but when they keep painting out the edge, they will think about giving up: \”Mom, paint it for me, I can\’t do it.\” In the past, I would say: \”I believe baby can do it!\” Now I will say: \” Let’s try to paint only the middle part first, will it stop coming out?” When he gets the accuracy of painting only the center part, guide him to expand outward, and help him rebuild his confidence little by little. Take shooting for example. Every time he made a basket in the past, I would say: \”Wow, that\’s great, he made another one.\” Now I will say: \”I\’ve improved again. Last time I made one goal in five attempts, this time I only made one.\” Scored three times.\” For example, every time I tried on new clothes, I would always say how beautiful they look! And he also has a habit of asking me if I look good. If I tell him bad things, he will feel depressed. Now, I will first ask: \”Do you think it looks good? The clothes are from Zhezhe, and they look good if Zhezhe thinks they look good; just like you think your mother\’s clothes don\’t look good, but the mother thinks they look good.\” In babies, it\’s similar to There are many things. To put it simply, praise tends to be more about affirmation of results, while encouragement is more about affirmation of children’s efforts and progress, allowing them to enjoy the process of things, stimulating their inner potential, and cultivating their self-affirmation. , the ability of self-motivation, gradually allowing them to form a growth mindset, forming a more optimistic, positive, and upward good character and high reverse quotient. There are currently no particularly systematic books on growth mindset. We can watch this TED video first, and maybe we will have a certain understanding. This thinking is extremely important for both adults and children. People with the same IQ will be very different after 5 or 10 years. The fundamental reason lies in whether they have a growth mindset. Even if force majeure misfortune does not occur, a growth mindset can quickly get over the pain. Therefore, these 8 words \”Please believe that you can make progress\” must be said to your baby often!