Bathing, eating, going out, and returning home are all troublesome. Why is it so difficult for children to change places?

A few days ago, I saw an old reader saying that her 16-month-old baby suddenly became very misbehaved for some reason. She refused to take a bath, wear clothes, or do anything. Why? My answer is: Congratulations, this is just the beginning. When a baby grows from an infant to a toddler, the most important watershed is the \”awakening of self-awareness.\” Before \”self-consciousness awakens\”, as long as you take good care of your baby, eat well and sleep well, he will be happy. After the \”awakening of self-awareness\”, the baby is no longer so easy to fool. He starts to pay special attention to his own feelings and thoughts, and is not very good at expressing them, so he has to cry and get angry to express his objections. This is also the legendary \”terrible 2\” (terrible two years old). It is said to be two years old, but the time and degree of awakening of different children are different. Some children have already started to awaken when they are about one and a half years old. For parents, this is a very frustrating period of time. The baby seems to be unable to cooperate with anything, and has to struggle and refuse no matter what he does. It feels like his life is almost unbearable. It doesn’t matter if your baby gets a big headache from crying. The most difficult thing is the change of daily activities, such as ending play and going to eat, ending play and going to take a bath, ending play and going to bed, etc. Once the child is asked to change venues and tasks, It\’s like a powder keg has been lit, and there must be a big fuss before it\’s over. The word \”end\” is a particularly unacceptable thing for children: I was having fun! I don’t want to change it! Why should I listen to you! ? Children\’s behavior is also very intoxicating. When they are fine, they can\’t play for a while and they will pester their mother. Once you are anxious, they will be extremely focused. It seems that they can push the cart, play puzzles, and swing to the end of the world… at your command. Don\’t move anywhere. How can we make these children who are obsessed with playing more cooperative and stop procrastinating when they should be eating, bathing and sleeping? Chengzi has been struggling with the two children for so long, but he has still summed up a lot of practical experience. I would like to share it with you: 1. Remind children under 3 years old in advance that they have no concept of time, such as \”We have to leave in 10 minutes.\” , which means nothing to him. You must give him a visible and tangible reminder so that they can understand. For example, if you use an hourglass and say that the hourglass is gone, we have to leave! Or use the scheduled ringtone on your mobile phone, saying that when the ringtone rings, we have to leave! If you don\’t have a timing tool at hand, you can use a countdown to remind: \”Hit the slide three more times, and we\’ll be leaving!\” Then help him count after one hit: \”Two more!\” \”The last time!\” \”\”We\’re done playing, let\’s go\” can also be reminded by describing the event: \”Let\’s build two more towers, then put the blocks away, and then we\’re leaving.\” \”Now the tower is finished. We need to put away the building blocks, and then we’ll leave!” “Now that the building blocks are put away, let’s go.” When children have a concept of time, the reminder can be simpler: “There are still 10 minutes left.” “There are still 10 minutes left.” There are 5 minutes,” “1 minute left,” “10 seconds left, nineteen eight seven six five four three two one, okay let’s go!” Not just children, evenEven adults hate being interrupted suddenly. In fact, as long as you remind them in advance and allow them time to digest, children will be very reasonable and won\’t be very angry. 2. Create a sense of ritual to teach children to say \”bye~~\”. If they are playing with other children, let them say goodbye to them. If they are playing with toys, let them say goodbye to toys, or say goodbye to the venue. —\”Bye, library~~\” Children who are more talkative can also show off a little more: \”Bye bye blocks, I\’m going to eat. I\’ll play with you after dinner!\” It\’s best to coordinate with more complex movements and give a hug. , wave your hand, kiss, etc. Practicing farewell is not only for politeness, but also a ritual for leaving. Because the ritual procedures are relatively fixed, it will give children a sense of \”predictability\” and \”controllability\”, which is what children of this age especially need. of. After the farewell ceremony, they will have an inexplicable illusion that \”I chose to leave\”. They will not feel controlled by their parents, so they will naturally be happy! 3. Use the simplest language. We often overestimate children\’s ability to understand language. We always nag and say a lot of words to them that they cannot understand at all, and we still feel that we are being very reasonable. \”It\’s time to eat, eat it while it\’s hot. It won\’t taste good when it\’s cold. If you don\’t eat, you\’ll be hungry and won\’t grow taller, blabla…\” The buzzing is endless, and the children may not be able to follow your thoughts at all. You are just Just a one-man show. For babies under three years old, instructions must be simple and rude, and go straight to the point. Try to use the simplest sentences: \”eat noodles\”, \”go out to play\”, \”drink milk\”. It is best to select some keywords that will attract the child and guide them. The child\’s excitement was successfully transferred. 4. Give room for choice. Children over two years old like to have a sense of control, so you might as well give him some insignificant sense of control: instead of saying \”it\’s time to take a bath,\” say \”do you want to take a bath with a duck or a frog?\” ?\” Instead of saying \”I\’m going to wear shoes to go out,\” say \”Are you going to wear these red shoes or white shoes?\” If your child sees through your routine and refuses to choose, you still have a killer question. : \”Are you going to walk by yourself? Or should mommy carry you?\” It is basically difficult for children to resist the temptation of a hug, and most of them will take the bait. 5. Communicate on an equal footing. Parents are particularly prone to being condescending. They like to use a commanding tone to inform their children: \”Stop, stop playing, it\’s time to eat!\” This tone is particularly annoying to children. Don\’t forget that they have just awakened their self-awareness. , has a big ego. Once he feels the \”control\” or \”force\” of his parents, he will be very unhappy and must rebel. So we want our children to feel equal and respected, instead of treating them like appendages. Remind your child that when changing activities, do not shout from far away, but approach the child. It is best to have physical contact with him. After letting him notice your presence, discuss with him instead of talking about leaving. What he is playing with: \”What are you drawing? Are you drawing flowers? It\’s so beautiful!\” \”What is the car doing? Oh, are they going to catch the bad guys? Wow, he is driving so fast\”… Praise as much as possible Two sentences, lost in soupGo down and make the children feel that Mommy is very good and close. At this time, if you ask to \”leave\”, the children will usually give you more face. 6. Don’t threaten to persuade children to change venues. There is a big taboo called threatening, but this is what many parents like to do: “If you don’t leave, mommy will leave, so you can stay here alone” “I’ll count by the dozens, if you don’t If you leave, just wait for a spanking.\” Not to mention that this method is very bad, it hurts the parent-child relationship, and the effect is very poor. Threats may be useful for school-age children, who are more rational and can weigh the pros and cons, but for those 1-3 years old who have self-aggrandizement and rely on impulse to do things, threats are useless. Using threats to force a child into a corner will make it difficult for the child to make a choice. If he gives in, he will feel humiliated, lose face, and have a difficult time with his self-esteem. If he does not give in, he will not be able to accept the consequences of the threat, so he can only stand where he is. He refused to make a choice, and then cried in embarrassment. I believe this is definitely not the result you want. The more anxious you are to get your child to cooperate, the more you need to speak to your child in a gentle tone and not to make him angry. If he is offended and his mood breaks down, it will take a long time to calm down. Wouldn\’t it waste more time? Threats are useless, remember that. Teaching children to smoothly switch activities in daily life will not succeed once or twice. Children will be confused at first and don’t know what you are going to do, because they only live in the present, and the past and future are of no concern to them. Meaning, they need to slowly learn the concept of time. This process is a bit difficult and requires slow guidance from parents. Children who are more stubborn, sensitive, slow to warm up, and have strong concentration will have a particularly difficult time switching activities. It is inevitable to cry and fuss at the beginning. Parents must be patient. You also need to have perseverance. If you don’t want your future schedule to be a mess, don’t be swayed by your child’s crying. Hold on to the situation and don’t keep compromising just because your child objects. As long as you can pay attention to the above six points, over time, I believe your children will become more and more cooperative in life. In fact, there are no disobedient children, there are just parents who cannot communicate with their children.