Before the age of 6, never force your children to do these 4 things

I shared my daughter’s poetry reading check-in in the circle of friends, and saw a message from Yangyang’s mother: “I’m so envious! My Yangyang refuses to read, and his dad beats him several times!” Yangyang is not even 3 years old yet! Yangyang\’s mother said that they saw on TV that some children knew a lot of words and could recite many poems at the age of 3, and some children could express themselves fluently in English at the age of four or five, so they also wanted Yangyang to start early. Enlightenment. Now Yangyang not only has poetry reading check-ins every day, but also English check-ins and online logical thinking class check-ins. \”Education should start from childhood, and habits should be developed from an early age.\” Yangyang\’s mother said. What can a child who is only 3 years old understand? It’s time for my daughter to go to elementary school. Several times during the short video check-in, I could hear Yangyang sobbing or crying while studying. \”Parents who love their children have far-reaching plans.\” We parents all understand the painstaking effort of forcing ignorant children to learn. However, education is not about “reinforcing growth”, and many things cannot be rushed or forced. Montessori, an early childhood educator, said: \”All children\’s education must follow one principle, which is to help the child\’s natural physical and mental development.\” Children have their own growth rules. Before the age of 6, don’t force your children to do these 4 things. Forcing children to be strong The last time kindergarten started, there was a boy who impressed me deeply. It is inevitable for new students to cry when they enter kindergarten. The boy hugged his father\’s thigh and refused to let go, crying and howling, \”I don\’t want to go to kindergarten.\” The father who was eager to get away kicked him out and said, \”You are already a little man. You must be brave and don\’t cry. Do you understand?\” The boy cried even louder. The teacher said that the boy had been crying for more than two weeks and was the slowest to adapt among the new children in the kindergarten. Both mother and father emphasize to him: You have grown up, it is time to go to kindergarten, and you can no longer pester your parents. But the reality is that the child has just turned 3 years old and has not become the \”man\” that the parents expected. The child who was crying out of fear of separation has become even more frightened. Cai Kangyong said: \”Many annoying emotions are actually beautiful designs and part of us.\” Many parents blindly teach their children to be strong and not to cry, but they don\’t know that crying is just an outlet for their uneasy emotions. Facing a new and unknown environment, it is normal for children to be fearful, frightened, and even sad. What they long for most at this time is obviously not criticism, but comfort and encouragement from their parents. Forcing a child to be strong may seem to be good for the child, but in fact it denies his fears and makes his already uneasy mind worse. Love and encouragement are the strong backing of children. Children who grow up in the love and care of their parents can develop strong and fearless courage. What is the most painful thing about forcing children to be obedient and raising children? Maybe it’s not the financial pressure, but the kids don’t! listen! talk! Let him eat well, no! I will eat meat instead of vegetables. Let him put his toys away. No! I\’m just going to throw it around. Let him lie down and sleep, no! I\’m going to jump up and down! …\”Be good\” and \”obedient\” are the mantras of many parents. If any family has a well-behaved and obedient child, others will be envious of it. However, the more obedient the children, the harder their lives will be when they grow up. Jiang Fang, known as the \”genius beautiful girl writer\”Zhou has been an obedient child since she was a child, but she said this is her biggest character weakness. Because before she does anything, she first thinks about obeying and catering to others, regardless of whether she is happy or not. Once, she had a conflict with her boyfriend. Although she was clearly annoyed, she kept apologizing. Her boyfriend relentlessly made more than a dozen calls, so much so that she trembled when she saw the phone and didn\’t know how to deal with it. Psychologists believe that \”good children\” who are too obedient are prone to fall into two dilemmas: rebelliousness or lack of opinion. The first type of children have strong self-awareness, do not like to be disciplined, and have been stubborn since childhood. If you are forced to obey by your parents, you will go to the other extreme after entering adolescence and behave particularly rebelliously. The second type of child has a weak personality and is easy to obey. If their parents force them to be obedient, they will not dare to make decisions for themselves when they are young. When they grow up, they will not be used to making decisions and will become a person without independent opinions. What is even more dangerous is that such children obey their parents at home and others outside, and are easily incited and instigated. Wu Zhihong said: \”Forcing children to obey is to feed them poison.\” Children are independent individuals. We can guide their lives, but we cannot walk for them. Children who are too obedient may have no future when they grow up. Far-sighted parents know how to tolerate their children\’s unique realities and respect their children\’s own decisions. As long as it is not a matter of principle, let him live his true self. In the eloquence training class where my daughter is forced to be gregarious, there is a girl named Wenwen. I always notice her every time I send my daughter to class because she is so special. The teacher asked a question, and the children rushed to raise their hands to answer, chattering. She sat in the corner of the last row and rarely participated. During recess, the children played together in twos and threes, but she was always alone. Wenwen\’s mother said worriedly: She just felt that her daughter was not very gregarious, so in order to cultivate her social skills, she signed up for an eloquence class. During the first eloquence class, the teacher asked each child to perform a program and introduce themselves. Wenwen cried in embarrassment. It is really difficult to force an introverted child to be gregarious. Wenwen is not a \”problem child\”. Although she didn\’t take the initiative, she answered correctly when the teacher asked questions alone. She also did a good job in the little games that go along with her eloquent speeches. Wenwen\’s mother said: \”She has liked to play alone since she was a child. She would sit in a pile of toys for half an hour and ignore them; go outside to play and stare at a nest of ants for half a day.\” The teacher asked her: Why don\’t you play with the children? ? She said: \”I don\’t like it.\” For children who like to be alone, \”not fitting in\” is like a big mountain weighing on their heads, and they can no longer be themselves with their heads held high. Einstein said: \”Everyone is a genius. But if you use the performance of climbing a tree to measure the ability of a fish, then the fish will live in shame for its whole life.\” There is no distinction between gregarious and unsociable. . Being alone is just a personality trait, not a shortcoming. Like extroversion, it is a child\’s innate personality label and even has its own unique advantages. The Colorado Talent Center in the United States conducted a 30-year study on social elites and found that quiet and introverted talents are almost three times more likely to be extroverted! And IQThe taller the person, the stronger the introversion tendency. Because they love to be alone, children have stronger concentration, perception, and insight, are better at thinking deeply, and have a richer inner life. Forcing a quiet child to socialize is actually \”advancing weaknesses and avoiding strengths\” and will only make the child feel fearful. Instead of making your child miserable in society, let him happily explore distant places alone. Best friends who force their children to be independent have just ended a \”housing war\” recently. Her mother-in-law said: \”If you don\’t share a room between 3 and 4 years old, it will break your heart at 5 and 6 years old.\” She advised her to share a room with her 4-year-old son. My best friend thought: Since we are on a long vacation now, even if the children occasionally have a bad rest, it will not affect their play during the day, so she agreed. As a result, when it was time to go to bed, the child started crying: \”Mom doesn\’t love me anymore, she doesn\’t want me anymore…\” The mother-in-law took the child to his room to sleep, and he rolled around and screamed, making the whole family uneasy. The mother-in-law advised her best friend to lock the bedroom tightly and not let the children in. She also said: \”It should be separated or not. He is becoming more and more dependent on his mother, which affects his independence.\” There is nothing wrong with educating children to be independent. But the premise is that children cannot be made to feel isolated and insecure. Psychologists believe that before the age of 6, a child\’s sense of security mainly comes from the love of his parents. Enough love brings enough stability. Only when children feel secure can they have trust in the world and learn to be independent. Children who have not grown up inside are still fragile even if they learn to be independent. Actor Wang Ziwen grew up in a single-parent family. Her parents never asked whether she was working hard, cold or tired. She learned to be independent early on. But when she grew up, she said: \”Independence is forced because no one cares. I will carry this trauma with me throughout my life.\” Children who are forced to be independent may seem strong, but in fact they are very lacking in love. True independence should be, as Dr. Hou Ruihe of the Chinese Academy of Sciences said: \”It is the inner need that naturally arises after children receive sensitive and loving care, gain a basic sense of trust in the world, and feel loved.\” We give children The best love is not to let go of your hands, but that even if you let go of your hands, the child will have nothing to fear. Because he knows that no matter what, he has his parents behind him. Don’t rush to force your child to fly before his wings grow hard. Raising children is like leading a snail for a walk. You cannot rush, force or yell. Because the little child was already sweating and panting, trying his best to keep up with our pace. At this time, you might as well stop and wait. During the waiting period, feel the fragrance of flowers, the chirping of insects, the gentleness of the breeze, and the beauty of the company.