Behind the \”mother and child sleeping together, the elderly taking care of the children\”: hidden dangers of children\’s psychological problems and misalignment of family relationships

In families in China or Asian countries, including some places in the United States, it is a normal phenomenon for mother and child to sleep together. It is just like what many parents (especially the older generation) think: This is how it is in other families, so you have to How can you, a mother, let your child sleep on his own at such a young age? Today I want to address this issue and use 3 examples to tell all parents: at least 5 years old, you must sleep in separate beds/rooms with your children! Example 1: 13-year-old boy, repeated suicidal behavior. This boy attempted suicide several times by overdosing on drugs. His relationship with his parents was very bad. He was so close to his mother and often slept in the same bed as her. His mother would not let the boy sleep alone when his father was not at home. The boy\’s relationship with his father was hostile. When he was in a relationship, his parents printed out all the messages he and girls exchanged. This left the boy feeling humiliated and he attempted suicide again. He often had the idea that he wanted to kill his parents and then commit suicide. This is a typical example. In Chinese families, it seems that children should sleep with their mothers. Few parents can accept that their children have to sleep in a small bed independently since birth, as if those cribs are just decorations. Moreover, these children often sleep in the same bed with their mothers until they are 5 or 6 years old, or even 10 years old or older. For parents of children, they think this is a very normal thing. And they will say, \”The child is still young, what if he falls down while sleeping on the bed?\”, \”What if the child catches a cold by kicking the quilt in the middle of the night?\”, \”This is the case in other families\” about sleeping in separate beds with children. , I once wrote a very comprehensive experience talk about the issue of sleeping in separate rooms. Regarding the issue of sleeping in separate beds and rooms with my children, I regret it! Here, I hope it will attract the attention of some parents. Based on the above case, the Child Psychological Counseling Center has conducted research on the side effects of \”mother-child co-sleeping\”: the perpetuation of symbiotic connections, which ultimately leads to adolescent suicide. It is an individualized means of expressing hostility to parents and alleviating guilt. . It is also a consequence of sexual overstimulation, causing intense frustration in children and interfering with academic achievement and ability to concentrate. Mother and child sleeping together is really harmful and useless. If you are worried that your child will fall off the bed, you can install protective rails, which are available online. If you are worried that your child will catch a cold while kicking the quilt in the middle of the night, it only means that you have never let your child feel the difference between cold and warm. If you are worried that your child will be scared when sleeping in his own room, That means you haven\’t dealt with the issue of your child\’s sense of security at all; in short, you must do everything you can to make the father of your child consistent with your educational concepts! If the child is over 5 years old and still sleeps in the same bed with his mother, it will cause too much stimulation to the child\’s early sexual education and limit the child\’s mental and individual development. What I want to tell you is: My child is less than 5 years old now, and I have been having conflicts with my family about the issue of the child sleeping independently. But I proved it to my family with facts: It’s not that the child can’t sleep in his own room independently, but that the parents are unwilling to let the child go. Regarding this issue, I want to talk about another case, that is, my mothertheir anxiety problems. Example 2: Middle-aged woman with anxiety disorder. This woman has always denied some negative things in her personality during the conversation, especially her controlling, verbose, rigid, mysophobic, picky and negative energy words and deeds. Her main problem was that her son had forgotten his mother when he had a wife. After her son got married and started a business, she found that her son was with another woman and no longer needed her. It became unreasonable for her to think that she had never received any love from her husband in so many years and that her son loved his daughter-in-law in every possible way. , picking on her daughter-in-law everywhere, and saying bad things about her daughter-in-law to everyone she meets. But on the other hand, her son never thought his mother was such a person. She was also quite good to her daughter-in-law when her husband and son were at home. But once there were only her and her daughter-in-law at home, she became a completely different person. She did not realize this subconsciously, but she admitted that she was jealous of her daughter-in-law. She always said that she was uneducated and could only do housework. Although outsiders think that she and her husband are a model couple, they never have any quarrels. But she said that this is actually all an illusion, because her husband is not at home very much all year round, and she is the one taking care of her son. She often has to be both a father and a mother. In addition, she had no economic rights, so she lived a very unhappy life for so many years. So when she saw that her son supported her daughter-in-law to go out to work and often asked her to help look after the house on the pretext of letting his wife rest, her inner anger would be vented on her daughter-in-law. What I learned from her son’s side is that she always complained to him that her daughter-in-law did not do well, was lazy, only knew how to work and study, and was always pretentious, etc. What I heard from her daughter-in-law was sympathy and understanding for her mother-in-law\’s life experience in the past few decades, but she was indeed unhappy for a period of time because of her mother-in-law\’s intervention. Example 3: The housing space is limited, and the children sleep with the elderly. Because there is great pressure to buy a house in Shanghai, and help is needed to pick up and drop off the children, there are three main situations for the division of labor in raising children in a dual-income family: one is from Monday to Friday when the children are put away At the grandparents/grandparents’ place, you can pick them up and take care of yourself for two days on weekends; one is where three generations live together, the parents share a room, and the child’s grandparents/grandparents live in a room with the child; the other is where both parents take turns They live here to take care of their children. They are responsible for picking up their children from school and sleeping with them, so that the lives of the young couple are not greatly affected. In short, there are very few working-class people who completely rely on themselves to take care of their children. Including our family, we also need the elderly to pick up the children from school and take care of their dinner until I get off work. And, there are always days when you need to take a breather too. There are many reasons why it is not recommended for children to sleep with the elderly, but the most important thing is that many parents have reported that when their children sleep with their grandparents, their health is very poor and they are prone to allergies. However, since they sleep with our parents, their health has improved. It\’s getting better and better, and my resistance is getting stronger. Therefore, for the sake of children\’s physical and mental health, no matter what the living conditions are, we must find ways to give them as much space as possible, so that children can grow physically and mentally at the same time; no matter how busy you are at work, you must remember that no matter how great your success is, it will never be better than failure.Educate your children for success! There are countless examples, we can only point them to the end. I hope that through the above three examples, some parents will re-examine their old concepts of education and unify a scientific concept of family education.