Being a mother means being strong. Where exactly is \”strong\”?

A mother of an executive in the financial industry posted an angry message on WeChat Moments: \”The naughty kid can no longer play with his mobile phone. I broke it for him.\” I was shocked. She is famous for loving her children. I sent it and asked, \”What\’s wrong? Are you so angry?\” She replied resolutely, \”I\’m addicted to playing with mobile phones, so I have to take extreme measures. I\’m crying and writing a guarantee letter to review. Oh, who told us to be strong as mothers?\” \”Motherhood makes you stronger\” is a familiar phrase that refers to a girl\’s spiritual transformation after becoming a mother. But where should \”strong\” be reflected? The mother smashed the phone forcefully, like a lioness on standby, pounced upon her child if she noticed any sign of bad behavior. Through the \”strongness\” on the surface, you can feel the \”emptiness\”, or the inner vulnerability. The mother is mentally tense, on edge, and on alert to correct mistakes at any time, for fear that her child will go astray. This inner panic comes from lack of confidence in one’s own educational abilities. The mother is determined to control the child, but does not deeply observe the child\’s needs. Are mobile phones a real scourge? At a certain age, most children will have a normal curiosity about electronic products. The guidance of education is far better than the obstruction. If you limit the rules and take advantage of the situation, mobile phones, computers, and IPADs are just windows for children to learn about the latest technology. But my mother’s arbitrary use of mobile phones as a “growth killer” just shows that she has not truly realized and grown up. If a child has a weak personality, it will be easy for him to sacrifice his own ideas, cater to his mother and suppress his true needs. And his desire for the mobile phone was forcibly interrupted, which made it easier to stimulate his willingness to explore. British psychologist Winnicott believes that a child\’s self, which is built around self-feeling, is the true self, which is vivid and fluid, relaxed, focused, and naturally creative. On the contrary, the child\’s self constructed around the mother\’s feelings is a false self. The mother\’s extreme dominance can easily drive the child to establish a \”false self\” and cater to other people\’s feelings, because the inner voice is suppressed. After adulthood, many people seem to live in a trap, agreeing with others, but compromising themselves internally. This is largely due to the \”false self\” formed by childhood imprints. If a child has a stubborn personality, he will fight head-on and both sides will suffer. Parents will angrily label their children as \”rebellious\”, weighing them down like a mountain of five fingers, making it difficult for them to move. Being raised in a forceful way means being harsh in the name of love, which makes people feel depressed and want to escape. \”Being a mother means you are strong\”, \”strong\” essentially means \”being strong, tolerant and powerful\”. This kind of strength is by no means a bluff accusation. The root cause of excessive strength is the lack of ability to love children. Some mothers will be surprised: \”Isn\’t it for his own good that I accuse loudly?\” In the book \”The Road Less Traveled\”, Parker mentioned that \”people who truly understand love must know how to restrain themselves to promote each other.\” Maturity of mind. Those who give true love should always regard the object of love as an independent individual and always respect the independence and growth of the other party.\” The ability of true love is based on self-discipline. Self-discipline is an important principle to solve the pain in life with a positive and proactive attitude. The first point is to ‘delay gratification’.feel\’. The mother\’s instinct is to help her child, but the effect is only to satisfy her desire for self-expression and release her anger. His own anxiety was relieved, but for the child, he was not treated with respect. For mothers, establishing a sense of self-discipline in love and delaying the \”satisfaction\” of self-catharsis is the first step in solving the problem, rather than controlling in the name of love. A mature mother can first examine herself, then commit to respecting her child\’s development patterns and communicating on an equal footing. I still remember when my daughter was eight months old, I wrote in my parenting diary: \”A mother\’s influence on her children can be said to be as deep as the sea. Although she has been tempered for a long time, she is magnanimous, giving her children positive encouragement and leading her to broaden her horizons.\” ; Or defeated by torture, complaining about personnel affairs, and passing on anger. If a mother has the ability to be a role model for her children, it is a blessing for her children.\” I myself have also taken the step of changing my parenting to be \”strong\”. I tried to put down my adult status, learn to understand her better, and see her rich inner world. I found that the connection between the heart and the heart can be smooth. After accepting the negative emotions of children, thinking and solving problems is a very pleasant process. Behind the challenges, there are opportunities for self-change. Through communication with her, I reflected on the hidden pain of growing up, understood the attitude towards life that I had ignored, and the shortcomings of improving my character; I marveled at her curiosity about all things, which inspired me to re-understand the origin of the world and begin the transformation of spiritual growth; I Appreciating her courage to explore the unknown made me examine my mindset for many years and reshape my understanding of life and things. In a sense, children are teachers who lead us to become aware of ourselves. Some mothers have seized this opportunity and taken steps to grow up and move towards true mental maturity. Some mothers, however, are stagnant in their thinking and are lost in the confusion of drifting away from their children. If you and I gradually learn and improve ourselves through the baptism of time and on the road of parenting, and have a more tolerant and broad mind, then we can truly \”be strong as a mother\” and truly become a good teacher and friend to our children.