Being able to support a child\’s future depends on whether the mother has these two qualities

I have heard a saying before: \”You are older when you are 3 years old, and you are older when you are 7 years old.\” At that time, I thought, is it so magical? What can a 3 or 4 year old baby see? Only later did I discover that this sentence did have some truth to it. John Bowlby, the founder of attachment theory, believes that whether a child will be happy when he grows up depends not on the material conditions of the family, but on the first relationship in his life (often referring to the mother-infant relationship). The greatest impact of this relationship is precisely the years when the child is 0-7 years old. In other words, the child\’s future does not depend on the strength of the family, but on how well he gets along with his mother. The most important thing is to see whether the mother has these two qualities. 1: The first type is not to be separated from the child for a long time. Bowlby believes that there are two most important environmental factors for children in their early years. The first is that mother and son have been separated for too long. Especially when the child is 6 months old, just when the child is about to establish a strong emotional bond with the mother, the mother leaves. The break of the bond will affect the formation of his personality throughout his life. When Bowlby observed a group of mentally ill teenagers, he was surprised to find that almost all of these children had experienced long-term separation from their mothers when they were young. They are also surprisingly similar in character: they like to cause destruction, like to hit people, like to play alone, like to lie, and have no real friends. She has low self-esteem, hyperactivity, and often skips classes after school. He was often beaten, but he had the stubbornness of \”a dead pig is not afraid of boiling water\”, which made his parents extremely disappointed, annoyed and helpless. These children, even in adolescence, steal things. Even if it is meaningless to them, they will steal it just for the sake of stealing. This is because, after experiencing a long-term separation of mother and child in their childhood, they not only long for maternal love, but also long for things that symbolize maternal love (such as food, money that can fulfill their wishes, etc.). These things are naturally associated with \”satisfaction.\” When mother\’s love is not satisfied, they will turn their desire to objects, and this wrong desire will follow them throughout their lives. Seeing this, many mothers may be worried. I went to class when my child was half a year old. What should I do? There won\’t be any problems with the child, right? Moms, don\’t be too anxious. Family Education Experience – Zheng Yuanjie\’s Family Education Course Complete Set MP3 [Complete 41 Episodes] The \”long-term separation of mother and child\” that Bowlby refers to is when the mother is directly separated from the child and does not see each other for months or even years. And (please note this), after the mother left, she did not leave the child in the care of a stable person who could take care of the child like a mother. This relative will take care of him, and that relative will take him with him. Some families also hire nannies to take care of their children, but the nannies don\’t stay long. The child was about to establish an attachment relationship with a nanny, but the nanny left the job and another nanny was replaced. During the child\’s childhood, several \”mother roles\” appear. One \”mother\” leaves, another \”mother\” comes, and soon leaves again. This leads to the child constantly losing his \”mother\” and constantly experiencing catastrophic deprivation of maternal love. This kind of loss will make children angry, suspicious, painful, and depressed, and they will close their hearts and become indifferent and indifferent, so that no one can come in. Therefore, when the children are still young and the mother has to enter the workplace, try toThe child is left in the care of a stable person who can treat the child like a mother. And, if possible, take your children with you and do not leave them behind. In this way, your children can correct their misconceptions about \”losing their mother\” and develop a healthy mental state through their daily contact with you. Two: The second is to raise children with warmth. Bowlby believes that the two most important environmental factors, besides the separation of mother and child, are the mother\’s attitude towards her children. I believe that when most mothers raise their children, they sincerely want to take good care of them and love them. However, due to their own personality, growing experience, marital quality, and family support, mothers show strong negative emotions when raising children. For example, some mothers, whose patience is worn away by trivial matters and housework, will lose their temper when their children are slightly naughty. Some mothers will transfer their marital anger to their children, complaining and blaming their children: \”It\’s all because of you that I am like this.\” There are also mothers who, due to their own personalities, are impatient, irritable, and controlling. , when raising children, they tend to interfere and pick on them more, which is neither right nor wrong. This makes it difficult for children to feel the warmth and love from their mother\’s heart even if they stay with their mother. Although I get along with my mother physically, I am \”losing my mother\” mentally, which leads to \”hungry\” emotionally. Such a child will be angry with his mother. In daily life, they have a particularly bad temper and are highly aggressive. When getting along with children, the smallest thing may anger them, causing them to lose their temper or hit them. They don\’t know how to get along well with each other, and they don\’t know how to cooperate. They are either passive and depressed, timid and have low self-esteem, and dare not do anything; or they are manic, hyperactive, and inattentive. But on the contrary, if the mother raises the child tenderly and gives him a warm, relaxed and accepting family environment. The child\’s desire for love will be satisfied, and his heart will easily reach peace. When the inner anger and desire for aggression are not so strong, children will have more trust in the world, become more confident and cheerful in character, and become more calm and generous in social interactions. Three: Returning to Mother The once sensational documentary \”Grief: The Fatal Danger of Infancy\” has allowed millions of medical experts to see children who have experienced separation from maternal love. They have gone from being sunny, enthusiastic, and happy to becoming depressed. , despair, indifference. The film ends with a happy girl again, clapping her hands happily and playing carefree. At the same time, a line of words appeared in the subtitles – Let mothers return to their children. Of course, when I write this article, I don’t mean to trap mothers at home and tie their hands and feet through their children. But I hope that families and fathers can give mothers more understanding and support. If the mother is a full-time mother, the father should share more housework so that the mother can have time to recharge; be more considerate so that the mother can maintain a good mood and pass on positive emotions to her children. If the mother is a working mother, then when she returns home, the family can create a good atmosphere, allowing the mother to set aside a fixed period of time to pay attention to and accompany her children without distraction. The family\’s support for the mother is actually support for the child.