Boy, you can give those who falsely accuse you a good beating.

\”Zai Zai, are you happy?\” I asked. Zaizai said excitedly: \”Well, I\’m in a much better mood now.\” \”If you encounter this kind of thing in the future, you can give it a good beating like today!\” I encouraged. He nodded happily: \”I know.\” This happened two weeks ago. That day was Friday. Because I had three consecutive psychology courses to attend, I went to class alone and was not at home. Zai Zai and Zai\’s father were not at home. Spend the weekend together. At 11 o\’clock that night, a friend suddenly sent me a message: \”Did you know? Zai Zai was criticized at school today!\” Being criticized and disciplined all the time, I didn\’t take it too seriously and just replied: \”Oh, my family is often criticized, and I\’m used to it.\” But my friend said, \”This time is different, the teacher is really angry! My daughter was scolded and cried!\” I couldn\’t help but be surprised, my friend\’s daughter was out of trouble. He is known to be well-behaved and sensible, how come he is being disciplined by my family? And the consequences are so serious! I learned the details from my friend. It turned out that when school was about to end on Thursday, M, who had a good relationship with Zai Zai, needed to go to the toilet. He loudly called the teacher on duty by name in front of the whole class: \”XX, XX , I need to go to the toilet.\” The teacher immediately got a little angry and said, \”What did you say, say it again!\” M shouted the teacher\’s name a few more times, laughing while shouting back. When the other child saw this, he also shouted. Together, they called the teacher a nickname that had been circulating in the class for some time. The teacher, who was already very angry, found out that the children had given him such a bad nickname. He was so angry that he kept the two children. The two children confessed the origin of their teacher\’s nickname and submitted a list of names they had used to call the teacher. During Friday\’s recess, all the children on this list were called to the conference room by the teacher, including Zaizai and my friend\’s daughter. The teacher criticized them so hard that the friend\’s daughter was frightened and cried immediately. After listening to what my friend said, I didn’t pay too much attention to it. In my opinion, if a child makes a mistake, he should naturally bear the consequences of his mistake. But I still need to hear what he thinks and feels. I sent the message from my friend to Zai Zai’s dad because it was already late and Zai Zai was already asleep. I asked Zai\’s father to wait for Zai Zai to wake up the next day and ask him what was going on. After reading the whole incident, Zai\’s dad said to me: \”I don\’t quite believe that Zai Zai would call the teacher by his nickname.\” I asked him why he was sure, and Zai\’s dad gave two reasons. The first reason is that Zaizai likes the teacher who is called by the nickname. Every time he talks about it at home, it is \”Teacher XX\”. I have never heard him call him by his first name or call him by his nickname. Dad said that if a child said this nickname often, it would be impossible for him to say it only in class, and it would be impossible for him not to mention it at home at all. The second reason is out of trust in Zai Zai. Zai Zai\’s father said that every time he picks Zai Zai up from school, he sees Zai Zai politely greeting all the teachers. He doesn\’t think Zai Zai would do such rude things. After listening to Zai Zai\’s words, I felt ashamed and remorseful. I thought about many possibilities, but I never thought that Zai Zai might be framed! In this matter of trust in childrenIn fact, I am not as good as my father. On Saturday morning, on my way out to class, Zai’s father told me the facts he heard from Zai Zai’s mouth via WeChat. Zaizai’s answer was the same as what he had inferred, and Zaizai emphasized that he was wrongly accused! He said to Zai Zai’s father: “I like Teacher XX very much, how could I call him a nickname.” Zai Zai’s explanation deepened my guilt and self-blame. I came home on Saturday night. When Zai Zai had taken a shower and was playing Lego on the bed, I asked him casually, \”Zi Zai, did anything happen to you at school yesterday?\” He said without raising his eyes, \” Don\’t you already know?\” \”Yes, I know, but I want to hear it from your own mouth!\” \”I was wronged! It was M who called the teacher by his name, but I never called him that at all. , but he said I did!\” Zaizai said angrily. \”So, you\’re angry, right?\” I said. \”Yes, I want to break up with him! I will never be friends with him again!\” Zaizai said angrily. \”I understand how you feel. It\’s really irritating to be accused casually by others when you don\’t even know it yourself. Mom supports your decision, you don\’t have to be friends with him!\” \”I want to Take revenge on him and beat him up severely!\” Zaizai became angrier as he spoke. \”If something like this happened to me, I would be very angry and want to beat him up. But if I beat him up at school, it would be a fight, and he would be punished for violating discipline.\” I explained the consequences to him, pretending to be casual. \”Then I\’ll secretly follow him after school and beat him when he\’s not paying attention!\” When his plan failed, Zaizai quickly thought of a new way. \”This is not a bright idea. If you do this, what difference will you make from the classmates who falsely accused you? Moreover, parents will protect you when school is over, so you won\’t have a chance to get close!\” I said with a frown. \”I thought of it,\” Zaizai\’s eyes lit up and said, \”I asked him to duel in the gym, and we will duel in the boxing cage!\” I pretended to be surprised and said, \”Ah, going to the gym to duel is really a good idea! But , what if he doesn\’t go? Especially when I know I can\’t beat you, if it were me, I wouldn\’t fight you!\” \”No, I must lure him over.\” Zaizai made up his mind. \”Zai Zai, you don\’t have to have the opponent come in front of you before you can vent your inner anger. If he doesn\’t come, you can also give him a good beating! Treat the target on the coach\’s hand as him and hit the yellow dot head-on. Vent out all the resentment, sadness, and unhappiness in your heart. This way you can vent your inner unhappiness without causing any real harm!\” Zaizai asked with a puzzled look on his face: \”How to fight like this?\” I said: \” Just like when you were angry as a child, your mother would hit the pillow with you to vent all your unhappiness, but now the pillow was replaced by a coach.\” I winked at him. Zaizai\’s eyes lit up and he said, \”Yes, Mom, I accept this method.\” His mood had dropped a lot from the initial anger. Seeing that his mood began to stabilize, I discussed my feelings with him again, \”So how do you feel now? Do you still feel angry?\” I asked. \”I feel better, I\’m not so angry anymore. \”Zai Zai said to me excitedly. I nodded and said, \”That\’s good, you do this when you go to boxing class tomorrow. \”When a child feels wronged, wronged, or framed, what is more important than understanding the truth is accepting the child\’s emotions. In this incident, I have also thought of many ways to deal with it. I have thought of asking questions. , and asked Zaizai to tell me the process in detail. In fact, this only satisfied my own needs. I compared the information Zaizai gave me with the information I collected myself, and frightened to find the conclusion in the comparison center: Has my child made any mistakes? Has he caused any trouble for me? If the answer is no, I will feel at ease and have a feeling that I have escaped. If yes, I may think angrily: What happened to this child? He is so worry-free. Why does he always cause trouble for me? When will he stop being so troublesome?! No matter what the outcome is, my emotions will be dealt with in the end. What makes me satisfied is that I hope to have a worry-free person at home.\” The needs of \”good boy\” are my own desires. I also thought about letting him face it and solve it by himself. Anyway, the interpersonal relationship in the school is his, and the relationship with teachers and classmates is also his. Go! Doing this is even more irresponsible to the child. The reason why children are children is because they need to learn and be guided. Children’s vision and ideas are limited. If you let them figure out their own solutions, they will probably think He came up with some wrong solutions. Take this matter as an example. The method that Zaizai thought of was to break off friendship and wait for an opportunity to retaliate! Once he actually implements it and the revenge is successful, he may face the teacher\’s punishment again, and the classmate will also He will definitely come back with revenge. Such endless entanglement will not only not help, but will make the bad influence last longer. I also thought about sharing similar experiences that I had suffered with him, using the method of telling stories. The method is to share with him how to deal with similar things. This is easier for children to accept than the first two methods. But when I tell him about the handling process, it also satisfies my narcissism and my desire to be a teacher. After I rejected these methods one by one, I decided to calm down and asked myself, if I were in Zaizai\’s position, what would I most want? I couldn\’t help but think of every time I had been wronged since I was a child. When I was young, I was wrongly accused by my classmates, or when I got older and worked, my colleagues shied away from the responsibility. In the process of being falsely accused, accused, and wronged again and again, what made me most uncomfortable was being wrongly accused and accused but with nowhere to defend myself and no one believed me. Pain, discomfort and helplessness. In such a situation, what you need most is for your anger, sadness, sadness and other emotions to be seen and accepted. Among them, the strongest feelings are anger and anger. We will feel strong Being attacked is just like being beaten by other children and having toys taken away from you when you were a child. Although being beaten is a real attack and being wronged is a hidden attack, the nature is the same. After being attacked, the attack comes back. It\’s instinctive. If you retaliate or beat the opponent, it will cause new injuries. Therefore, boxing, hitting pillows, etc. are all very good at this time.The method of venting will not cause substantial harm, but can also release the inner aggression. When the emotions are vented, they will gradually move towards calmness. Some people may worry that such venting will make children become violent. What if the child cannot restrain his emotions the next time he conflicts with others? In fact, our emotions are very strange. When they are seen and processed, they will go away on their own. And after handling it in this way, the child will establish a stable memory, and he will know what effective ways to vent his emotions are. The next time he encounters a similar scene, he will continue to deal with it in a way that is not harmful but can effectively vent his emotions. . On the contrary, if the inner pain is not seen, the anger in the child\’s heart will not be calmed down, and he will use his own methods to retaliate and find opportunities to fight back the attack. If parents not only don\’t understand, but also say nonchalantly, \”It doesn\’t matter, don\’t worry about it.\” Or, \”What\’s the big deal about such a small thing? You break up with your classmates because of this little thing. Why are you so small-minded? How can you be so tolerant?\” No?\” This is more harmful to the child. Children will experience: I am not cared about, I am not understood, I am not important! No one cares about my feelings at all! The original anger towards the classmates will then turn to the parents. The younger children will cry and make a fuss, while the older children will lose their temper at the parents: \”You only scold me, you don\’t care about me at all!\” \”You don\’t have the slightest idea!\” Don\’t care about me!\” At this time, some parents will calm down. \”Okay, okay, I was wrong. You were wronged! Stop arguing.\” Some parents will teach their children: \”You have rebelled against heaven and you can\’t say anything?\” \”I say this for your own good! \”Some will beat and scold their children. If the child\’s grievances and anger cannot be vented outward, the child will swallow these grievances hard, and these emotions will begin to attack the child himself: I am incompetent, I am useless, I am unimportant, I am not Being cared about, no one cares about my feelings. Meeting other people’s expectations is more important than facing my own feelings! Some children will silently suppress their anger in their hearts and bully those younger than them, while others will become cowardly and incompetent, unable to fight back when bullied by others. We often see bullied children who silently endure being beaten, scolded, and kicked without daring to fight back. This is actually because the child\’s aggression has been taken away! Therefore, when facing a child\’s problem, what is more important than the truth is whether we can see the child\’s emotions behind the incident, and then deal with it effectively, accept his feelings, understand his problems, and give him enough trust and trust. support. When children\’s emotions are seen and dealt with, children can better face and deal with problems. After venting his pent-up emotions through boxing, Zaizai suddenly said to me on the way home: \”Mom, M is not that annoying. He once gave me his favorite toys, and he also shared good things with me. . He is also very enthusiastic about his friends.\” I said happily: \”It\’s great that you can see the advantages of others! Each of us is like this, with advantages and disadvantages. Don\’t deny others just because of their shortcomings. his advantages, thisThe points are great! \”But, I obviously trust him, why would he do this to me?\” \”When it comes to this, Zaizai still feels aggrieved. \”Some friends, you think you trust them very much, but they may do something to hurt you. Sometimes they are deliberately trying to frame you, but sometimes they are unintentional. Maybe they were scared and at a loss in that situation. In a hurry, they just wanted to report to the teacher quickly and escape from that environment. For example, when M pointed out you, it was probably because you were one of his best friends. When he was in a hurry, your name was the first thing that came to his mind, so you were punished together with him. This is also another way to show that you are good friends, it is called: share the same difficulties! \”\”ah? Zaizai said in surprise, \”We are good friends and yet we are being wronged like this?\” terrible! \”This is the responsibility of a good friend!\” Mom, I believe you are a responsible person, but we must also accept that others have different choices, because everyone has different ways of dealing with it, and life is wonderful! Of course, mom believes in your ability to protect yourself. No matter what happens, mom and dad will believe in you and support you. Even if you really make a mistake, we will face it with you and take responsibility together! \”I told him. We think that as our children grow up day by day, we will be more worry-free. In fact, this is not the case. As children grow up, they will face new contradictions and conflicts. But no matter what happens, parents need to have a heart. A strong heart can grasp the most critical part behind the complicated appearances and deal with it. After the child\’s emotions are seen, it will be relatively simple to solve the problem. If we face a problem, we always first identify \” \”You are causing trouble for me again\”, \”Why are you so careless\”, and putting the child in the position of \”you are a bad boy\”, then we will accuse and complain about the child like we treat the enemy, and it will be difficult for us to be fair When we see the behavior of our children, our relationship with them will become worse and worse. When problems accumulate and negative emotions accumulate, contradictions and conflicts will break out. Therefore, when children have problems, See and deal with the child\’s emotions first, and then deal with the problem. After the child\’s emotions are dealt with, the solution to the problem will be easier.