Boy, you really don\’t have to please people

A few days ago, I had the good fortune to meet a middle school teacher whom I had not seen for many years, and we chatted for a long time. When it comes to children\’s education, teachers and I have very similar ideas. I feel that the first priority is to cultivate children\’s personality and have \”free thoughts and independent souls.\” Maybe many people will think this is the rottenness of scholars. Because the current era of economic construction is in full swing, everything looks forward. You give me money and I will wag my tail for you. There are too many such people. Of course, everyone likes to hear compliments, and those who can speak are often more popular and appreciated. There are too many stories in history where people got promoted and made a fortune just by opening their mouths. And there are many people around us who grovel to please their bosses. Although it is forced by life and work, it is often dictated by personality. Driven by different values, life is completely different. The sad thing is that many people give up their principles and propriety and rely on pleasing others to achieve their goals and at the same time prove their worth. The most frightening thing is that this trend also affects the formation of children\’s personality. Every time my son plays with his friends, he always has some ideas of his own, so there will be conflicts. For example, a friend wants to put a round building block here, but he thinks the triangle one looks better. In the end they broke up on bad terms. I asked him: \”You finally found this little friend to play with, why don\’t you let him and make him happy?\” \”I think I\’m not wrong.\” \”Of course I\’m not wrong, but you won\’t have many friends like this. \”Then the son frowned and frowned. Every time I see him like this, it reminds me of my childhood. At that time, we had a group of friends, with my cousin as the boss. Because he is a few years older than us, he is the king of children. As soon as school is over, everyone gathers at his house. He can play whatever he wants, and almost all the children will try to please him. But I often have my own ideas, so I will question him or even refute him. I remember one time, it was supposed to be a competition game. A group of boys were fighting with each other, baring their teeth and claws. On a whim, my cousin secretly tripped me from behind. At that time, he fell onto his back and he laughed loudly. The other friends gathered around and laughed at me. I was furious, but I couldn\’t fight. I could only go home crying angrily. After that, other friends persuaded me to go play with him. I didn\’t go for a long time. Because he won\’t apologize and I don\’t have to please him. Playing alone is not a bad idea. Later, when I was with this group of friends again, Kid King treated me with more respect instead of bullying me. The weaker the child, no matter how much he pleases the stronger one, he will always be bullied. Only by being strong can you win respect. Don\’t be afraid of being alone. A person\’s thoughts are often generated when he is alone, and a strong heart is also formed step by step through self-understanding. Therefore, when a child has something he insists on in his heart, then respect the child\’s persistence. Especially when the child is not at fault, don\’t force him to show his kindness and admit his mistake. Don\’t let your children please others. Because the child\’s own inner feelings are very important. Every time I look at the sleeping child, I can\’t help but touch his head. Feeling at the miracle of life, a little life has alreadyGrow into a little boy. \”What kind of person will you be in the future?\” Of course, the child cannot give an answer at the moment. But this answer is often written early in a child\’s growth. Because the influence of the family at an early age is indelible for a child\’s life. In the British documentary \”56up\”, each episode begins with a sentence: \”Let me take care of a child until he is seven years old. From now on, it is up to you to take care of him and let him grow up. It is already determined what kind of person he will become.\” \”We have an old Chinese saying: \”Three years old determines seven years old, and seven years old determines one\’s whole life.\” Because when a child is young, it is the key to the formation of character and values, and parents\’ behavior, words and deeds play a vital influence. My own answer is: I hope my children can live for themselves in the future. Therefore, I don\’t have the anxiety that some parents do, but I feel more calm. Therefore, we pay more attention to the inner development of children and hope that they can experience the real world and respect their inner feelings. If you want to cry, then cry, I will accept it. If you want to say something, just say it, I encourage you. If you want to scold you, then scold you heartily. I support it. As long as you don\’t hurt yourself and don\’t hinder others. We place too much emphasis on the requirements and expectations that society imposes on children, but ignore the children\’s own characteristics and feelings. For example, too many parents place too much emphasis on their children’s social skills. I am afraid that my child will not be smart enough and will suffer a loss outside. But other talents that children are gifted with are ignored. Paying too much attention to what others think of you often results in sacrificing your own feelings. Many times, adults misunderstand their children. Instead of apologizing, they ask the children to take the initiative to show kindness and please the adults. This will only make the child feel uncomfortable inside. Long-term neglect will cause children to lose respect for their own feelings and become people-pleasers. Can such a child have a sound personality when he grows up? How can you have your own ideas and independence? It is better to enrich yourself than to please others. A few days ago, a mother left a message saying: Her son is not popular with his classmates at school, and no one in the class wants to play with him. My son tried many ways to bring his toys and books to school to share with his classmates, but it was of no use. He even gave money to his classmates and bought them snacks, but still no one played with him. Of course, we don’t know the specific reasons, but can this kid really win friends by doing this? Certainly not. I\’m still lucky for him, because in the primary school, the children are very simple. If they like it, they like it. If they don\’t like it, they don\’t like it. They won\’t lie to him. You take things to please your classmates, hoping to make friends, but it doesn\’t work. If you are in social interaction, you really will not lack \”friends\”. Because there are always some friendly friends waiting to greet you. I suggested to this mother that she please help her child find his strengths and strengths so that he can become confident and outstanding. Because when he becomes truly confident and outstanding, his heart will become stronger and he will not bother to use these small methods to gain friends. In fact, children\’s world is very simple. You run well, play basketball well, sing well, or do well in reading. They will be favored by other children because of these specialties. Isn\’t this better than trying to please others? There is a saying, \”Enrich yourself more than you can enrich yourself\”There is more power in pleasing others: Planting a plane tree will attract phoenixes. If you bloom, butterflies will come; if you are wonderful, God will arrange it! \”We don\’t have to live for other people, so don\’t deliberately please anyone. Instead of pleasing others, it\’s better to enrich your own heart. Make yourself excellent and strong. When your abilities and levels improve, the world will change. The results are different. Therefore, as parents, you must tell your children to work hard on the ground. They must have independent thoughts and lofty ideals, and live for themselves in the future.