Can children be forced to have strict self-discipline by their parents?

The answer is no. Forced self-discipline is not called self-discipline, it is called \”heteronomy.\” Once the external pressure is lifted, it is the moment of collapse. This principle is actually very simple. To use an inappropriate analogy, if you feed an elephant shrimps every day, it will not become a whale. If you dye a watermelon yellow, it won\’t turn into a pumpkin. Because core and essence are not the same thing. The same goes for self-discipline and heterodiscipline. German mother’s experience in teaching integrity and self-discipline: Teach good children who are strong + independent + tolerant + thrifty. Jane Nelson once mentioned in \”Positive Discipline\” that children who are severely disciplined or punished will have 4R reactions, which are : Resentment, Revenge, Rebellion and Retreat. Image source: The movie \”Sunrise on the Clouds\” Many times, treating other disciplines as self-discipline is either the parents\’ wishful thinking, or the parents themselves have never experienced self-discipline, so they can only rely on imaginary states to let their children achieve what they think they are. self-discipline. Okay, let’s talk about what self-discipline is. The cornerstone of self-discipline is the recognition of self-worth. Only by understanding this first can the cultivation of children\’s self-discipline be on the right track. Some parents belittle their children every day, ridicule their children, and use other people\’s children to suppress their children. It is impossible for such children to have self-discipline. Don\’t even think about it. As long as there are no psychological problems, they will be fine. Because of the long-term belittling, ridicule, and suppression that lead to doubts about self-worth, this kind of child is easily under a kind of toxic pressure. Some of them will also work very hard, but this kind of effort is a result of trying to gain the approval of others. Their hearts are easily swayed according to changes in external standards. Many anxious middle-aged people place external standards on themselves or their children. In fact, if you look closer to their childhood, you will find that they were never truly loved. The vast majority of anxious adults were not respected and understood by their parents when they were young. , and eventually it becomes an infinite loop. In fact, it is now popular for young people to lie flat, which is essentially a kind of doubt about self-worth. The times are changing too fast, and there are so many outstanding people. It is easy for a person to find his own value in such an environment, and then deny it. If you lose your own value, you will have the idea of ​​​​self-abandonment, laziness, procrastination, overeating, complaining about society, and of course, there will be no self-discipline. Therefore, no matter what kind of state you experienced when you were a child, after you have a child, you must change your habitual denial of your child\’s self-worth and change your habitual state of comparing other people\’s children to your own. You need to recognize from the bottom of your heart that everyone is valuable and can do meaningful things, and pass this concept to your children. I observed the adults and children around me who were obviously very self-disciplined. Even if they were primary school students, you would feel a kind of sunshine and confidence when talking to them. This kind of confidence is difficult to describe in words, like a kind of determination. feel. I remember watching Bill Gates and Buffett give a lecture at a school. A student asked: Can we talk about you?How do you arrange time to play video games and other things during your daily work life? Gates\’ answer is: I don\’t play games often. I have a lot of fun at work. I think my job is the best. Buffett thinks his job is the best. I have a lot of meetings and my schedule is full. Yes, I stay away from work for two weeks a year to read and think about the future. This is my thinking week. Then there’s also traveling and visiting clients. Buffett answered: I have about 50 thinking weeks a year. I don’t have meetings. I read for a long time. I wish I could read faster so I can read more books. I don\’t like to make timetables and arrange my time to the fullest. Bill and I are both lucky that we get to do what we want to do, the way we do it. He moves at a different pace than I do in his world, but we both like our own approach, and we both achieve maximum effectiveness in our own ways because it suits our personalities and habits. Both of them are extremely self-disciplined in their careers, but have you noticed that the basis of this kind of self-discipline is the recognition of self-worth and the recognition of what they are doing. Without it, all self-discipline does not exist. The core of self-discipline is \”separation of subjects.\” The so-called separation of subjects is to distinguish between what is your subject and what is my subject. I am only responsible for doing my thing (topic) well, and you are only responsible for doing your thing (topic) well. Take learning as an example. Learning is a child’s task, and making children willing to learn is a parent’s task. When parents are doing their own projects, they work hard to adjust their children\’s learning interests, lead their children to see and understand the beauty of the world and the beauty of life, lead by example, overcome difficulties, increase the time and quality of companionship with their children, and be able to help their children when they are studying. Understand the difficulties he faces and be able to provide timely help. When it comes to learning, the task for parents is to bring the horse to the river of learning so that the horse has the opportunity and interest to drink water. But learning itself is a child\’s subject. The biggest problem in many families is \”non-separation of subjects\”. On the one hand, parents do not do their own tasks well, do not try to make their children love learning, and do not lead by example. Parents even put their own life expectations on their children, that is, they let their children take on their own tasks. On the other hand, it is to interfere roughly with children\’s subjects, force, order, or even induce them by giving money. Such parents themselves have not figured out what self-discipline is and what their own tasks are, so it is certain that they will encounter various obstacles in the process of educating their children. This is the biggest problem for parents of all kinds of blind chickens. In fact, if these parents can solve their own difficulties in work or life and complete their own projects in front of their children, in the long run, their role as role models will be more effective than following their children every day. Later, if you make your own life a mess and only force your children, the effect will be much stronger. When I was a child, my mother rarely forced me to study, but I remember that in the fifth and sixth grade of elementary school, just when computers were just becoming popular, my mother was in front of the computer every day to learn how to type, how to use the computer to check data, write articles, and sometimes even studied Staying up until three o\’clock in the middle of the night has a great impact on me. in educationIn my case, what she did best was to do her own research well. I remember when I was in junior high school, I often played with a boy in my class. After my mother saw it a few times, she talked to me once. She realized that I was very resistant and resisted talking to her about this matter. She didn\’t interfere, but she didn\’t let it go either. One time, I came home from school and found a set of books about adolescence on the bookshelf. The book talked about the emotional development of adolescence. This set of books is quite interesting. It is in the form of cases, with students’ self-reports and expert analysis. After reading this set of books, I gained a lot of knowledge and gained a better understanding of adolescence. You see, educating and guiding children is the task of parents. Parents must find ways to do this task well. If one method doesn\’t work, just try another. The role of parents is to lead the horse to the river, but drinking Not drinking water is a problem for the horse. You can\’t put the horse\’s head in the water. Forcing changes regardless of one\’s wishes will have stronger repercussions in the future. 52 compulsory lessons on Chinese parenting strategies during the critical period of children\’s growth mp3 Parenting is to prepare children to become adults. The most important thing for adults is to be responsible for what they do and take responsibility. responsibilities that one should bear. This is the core of self-discipline. But it is difficult for children whose parents have arranged everything since childhood to have this ability. Of course, in the past few years that I have been writing official accounts, I have come into contact with many readers. They are already adults, but they often confuse topics and evade their responsibilities. You said it is really difficult for them to teach children what self-discipline is. of. The skill of self-discipline is to cultivate self-discipline only on core issues. As I said before, many adults think that forcing can force self-discipline. If you think so, you can think about yourself. Your boss is sitting in front of you when you are working. Will your attitude towards work become that as soon as the boss leaves, you will immediately take advantage of it? Many issues can be understood after you think about them in another person’s shoes. Self-discipline itself is anti-human. It is anti-human and requires willpower. People’s biggest misunderstanding about willpower is that it can emerge continuously. In fact, no, willpower is a resource like oil. Being a resource means that it will be exhausted one day. Therefore, you must cherish your willpower, don\’t waste it on unimportant things, and have to fight against human nature. And truly self-disciplined people have skills and grasps, that is, they are self-disciplined only on core issues and important issues. He Caitou said that his successful weight loss from a fat man weighing more than 200 pounds relied on self-discipline and skills every day. He did not force himself to eat grass every day, did not force himself to go hungry, and did not force himself to exercise every day. But if you like to eat something, then modify your recipes and find foods that you like to eat but have less fat. If you want to fight against humanity, there are three ways: One is to rely on willpower and grit your teeth. Another option is to make things a little more bearable. The third way is to combine the first two. If you can make things interesting, then make things interesting. If it is really not interesting but it is very important, then use willpower and self-discipline. For non-core issues, don’t force your children to die too much.Taking myself as an example, everyone around me knows that I am a very self-disciplined person at work and in exercise. Even during pregnancy, I have always insisted on exercising, reading, writing, and working. However, my friends who know me well also know that if my family had no aunts or part-time workers, the house would be in chaos. Ever since I was a child, I have never been a tidy person. I don\’t like to tidy things up. Fortunately, no matter how messy I am, I can quickly remember where I put things. So when it comes to tidiness, I don’t force myself to be self-disciplined, and neither do my parents. They just say that you can mess up your own room as much as you want, but don\’t mess up their rooms and public spaces. You see, there is separation of subjects here again. Many parents expect their children to be well-rounded, capable of everything, and self-disciplined in everything they do. This is like asking an apple to fly on its own without being affected by gravity. It is impossible. No one can do this. All great people are extremely self-disciplined in a certain field. In other aspects, let alone self-discipline, they even have many flaws. Therefore, when it comes to cultivating my son\’s self-discipline, I personally teach him three anti-humanity methods: The first method is to make things more acceptable. My favorite thing to say at home is \”This is so interesting, I have to study it.\” When I encounter difficulties, I also like to say, \”Hey, you are so tenacious, I don\’t believe I can\’t solve you.\” In fact, it is to make things interesting and make self-discipline less demanding on willpower. In the long run, my son has also learned this trick and can solve a difficult problem into a game. The second method is to rely on willpower and persevere. When I reach the most difficult set of exercises and almost can’t hold on any longer, when my laziness attacks me and I want to lie down, I will tell myself – no, this is what I should finish. Just stick with it. So when my son can\’t persevere, I will say, \”Do you remember what mom did?\” I use my experience and perseverance to influence him, thereby guiding him into the feeling of overcoming difficulties and expending willpower to achieve flow. , once he accumulates this feeling more and more, it will become a feeling that will encourage him in the future. This is the source of self-discipline. The third way is to let yourself go on non-core and non-essential issues. Learn to allocate some things, learn to accept that you have shortcomings, and learn to explore the things you want to stick to most. Finally, to summarize: The basis of self-discipline is the recognition of self-worth. Only when parents respect, recognize, and trust their children from the bottom of their hearts can they help cultivate their children\’s high self-esteem, which is the cornerstone of their self-discipline. The core of self-discipline is \”separation of subjects.\” From the time your children are two or three years old, you must be careful not to interfere in your children\’s subjects and allow them to have autonomy and freedom to do their own subjects. From the simplest tasks of putting on clothes, socks, drinking water and eating, to the complicated task of arranging time for homework, your task is to guide, and it is their task to do it concretely and bear the consequences. The trick to self-discipline is to develop self-discipline only on core issues, so don’t expect your children to faceCovering all aspects, including the decathlon. If your child is very self-disciplined in practicing piano, it is likely that he will be a little worse in mathematics or sports. If your child is very self-disciplined in sports, then you must be mentally prepared. It might be worse in other aspects. What should I do if my children don’t take the initiative to learn? How to make children fall in love with learning and efficient accompanying reading class completed mp3. Don’t use all the advantages of other people’s children online to benchmark your own children. Let yourself go and let go of your children. It will be easier for your children to find themselves and achieve self-discipline.