Can you just sit back and relax after giving birth to a son? NO! Preventing sexual assault is more urgent for boys than for girls

A few days ago, a reader told me about the experience of her 11-year-old son (let’s call him Xiao Ming) who was almost sexually assaulted. She hoped that I would share it to remind all parents of boys: One day last week, Xiao Ming’s mother accidentally It was found that in the search history of the computer browser, there were keywords such as \”gay\” and \”like boys\”. She was very surprised. She asked her husband and he said it was not him who searched the house. There were only three people in the house. Could it be that his son had done the search? After being insinuated, Xiao Ming admitted that he searched out of curiosity. After further questioning, the mother learned that the child had almost been sexually assaulted. It was a weekend last month. Xiao Ming\’s parents had to go out to do errands all day. Xiao Ming went to a cram school in the morning and had no lunch. Xiao Ming\’s father\’s friend lived in the same community, and he took the initiative to let his children eat at his house. Xiao Ming had lunch and played at his father\’s friend\’s house for a few hours, and then returned to his home in the afternoon. During this period, \”uncle\” first praised Xiao Ming for growing up, and competed with him on his arms, comparing his height and thickness with his arms… Finally, he asked Xiao Ming to take off his pants and take out his genitals to compare their sizes. According to Xiao Ming\’s description, \”uncle\” touched him, said a lot of things he liked about him, and held him tight… Xiao Ming was very scared and vaguely felt that this was wrong, so he pretended that he wanted to go to the kitchen to get some water. He took the opportunity to open the door and ran away. After returning home, he had been feeling uneasy and suspected that his \”uncle\” was gay, so he searched online. Xiaoming\’s mother broke into a cold sweat after hearing the child\’s description. The more she thought about it, the more frightened she became, and she did not dare to talk to an acquaintance. This friend, Xiao Ming\’s father, has known him for many years. He is usually very amiable, but who would have thought that he is actually a wolf in sheep\’s clothing. Xiao Ming’s mother reminds everyone not to be careless and neglect precautions just because you think your son is your son. When it comes to children being sexually abused, almost everyone thinks of girls, and few people worry about boys. As everyone knows, sexual assault on boys is actually not uncommon, and it can even be said that it is no less common than that on girls. In July 2013, a 7-year-old boy in Wuxue, Hubei Province was sexually assaulted by his teacher for half a year and contracted an STD. According to Beijing Youth Daily, from 2009 to the end of 2013, Wang Qiang (pseudonym) from Hebei used inducement, coaxing and other methods to molest seven boys, the youngest of whom was 11 years old and the oldest was 13 years old. He did not report the crime until a parent found out. The crime occurred. Recently, Fengtai Court sentenced Wang Qiang to 5 years in prison for \”child molestation\”. In the summer of 2016, a boy in Beijing was taken to another box by a waiter and molested while dining at Haidilao. In 2008, the UBS Optimus Foundation conducted a three-year survey on child abuse in various countries. A total of 30,607 minors and parents in mainland China and Hong Kong participated in the survey. Among them, regarding sexual assault, the data from student surveys is 8 times higher than the data from parent surveys! 8% of minors said they had been sexually assaulted to varying degrees, and the proportion of boys was 2.7% higher than that of girls. Researchers say the data revealed by students in anonymous surveys should be the closest to the truth. Guangdong Province announced in 2013A report on the monitoring of adolescent health risk behaviors in Guangdong Province shows that sexual abuse suffered by men is more serious: whether they are high school students, vocational school students, or college students, 2-3 out of every 100 boys have been forced to have sex. It is 2.2-2.3 times that of girls. From March to May 2012, a survey conducted by the Hong Kong Child Care Foundation among 5,055 Form 4 to Form 5 students in 17 middle schools showed that boys were 17% more likely to be sexually assaulted than girls. … Regardless of whether the above data is biased, it at least shows that the number of boys being sexually abused is much higher than we thought. Nowadays, with more and more reports of girls being sexually assaulted, parents of girls will be somewhat worried about giving girls more education on preventing sexual assault and taking corresponding preventive measures, such as not exposing their children easily. Leave it to someone else to take care of, etc. In contrast, parents of boys generally lack relevant awareness and still believe that sexual assault of boys is a very rare event. They provide much less sex education to their children, which results in boys lacking even more awareness of self-protection. For example, in the story of Xiao Ming mentioned earlier, if Xiao Ming was a girl, I think her mother would not put her at a friend\’s house. It was precisely because Xiao Ming was a boy that his parents \”didn\’t think about it at all.\” On the other hand, the general public is generally not aware of the consequences of sexual abuse of boys. Boys also receive significantly less legal protection from sexual abuse than girls. In our country\’s current criminal law, only women are the victims of rape. Sexual assaults against boys, whether they are indecent assault or more serious rape, can only be punished as child molestation. The maximum sentence for child molestation is only five years, which is obviously insufficient in deterrence compared to the maximum sentence of death for raping a young girl. Foreign research shows that although same-sex sexual assault may not necessarily change a boy\’s sexual orientation, it may affect his gender identity and his ability to handle intimate relationships. At the same time, if sexual abuse of boys is not punished appropriately, the boy\’s worldview will be affected, and psychological trauma may remain with him throughout his life. When it comes to child sexual abuse, prevention is the top priority. As parents, we should talk to our children about sex honestly and naturally, without covering up or being coy. We should objectively and calmly tell our children the relevant knowledge, as well as the principles and bottom lines that must be followed. This is the best way to protect our children. 1. Give children age-appropriate sex education. There is no strict distinction between the following age groups. It depends on the child\’s development and acceptance ability, and whether he or she is curious about a certain issue. If the child takes the initiative to ask, or the parents feel that the child can understand it, they can tell him the corresponding knowledge. Before the age of 2, correctly introduce body organs using simple words that are appropriate for the child\’s age, without using pronouns. When bathing and dressing the child, and when the baby goes to the toilet, naturally tell the child the names of each part of the body. 2-3 years old, identify the differences between men and women, introduce the body parts and the functions of each part to children, and tell the children the differences between men and women. At 4-5 years old, tell your child where it comes from. You can say that a sperm and an egg are combined, and they slowly develop in a place called the uterus in the mother’s belly.When he grows up, he becomes a little baby. 6-8 years old. Regarding how babies are born, children of this age may be curious about how babies are born. We can tell our children as simply and objectively as possible. If we find it difficult to tell, we can use picture books or related books. Parents must introduce correct sexual knowledge to their children in a calm and objective manner. If your child takes the initiative to ask, don\’t feel ashamed, let alone reprimand the child, and don\’t prevaricate by saying, \”You will understand when you grow up.\” Maybe the child will indeed understand it on his own when he grows up, but what he understands may be the wrong knowledge, or he may understand it in a way you don\’t expect. 2. Teach your children the principles that they must abide by. Private parts are inviolable. Tell your children where their private parts are. \”The parts covered by vests and underpants cannot be seen or touched by others.\” Children are told from an early age that their private parts cannot be seen or touched by anyone except for parents to help them bathe and for doctors to examine their bodies. You cannot look at or touch other people\’s private parts. If someone forces you to look at or touch their private parts, you must tell your teacher or parents. Touching private parts is not a game or a secret. Anyone or anything that threatens you \”not to tell others\” is wrong. You must tell your parents for help. Do not stay alone in a room with adult men. Do not stay alone in a closed room with any adult man except family members. Even in the teacher\’s office, the door must be open. PS: For older boys, it is best not to stay alone in a room with an adult woman. If you encounter sexual assault, you must be calm and tactful. If you feel that someone else\’s touch is wrong, be calm and find a way to leave tactfully. Do not easily anger the offender, otherwise your life may be in danger. 3. For boys, we should also note that it is best not to wear crotchless pants. When children are not able to urinate on their own, many parents will let their children wear crotchless pants, especially in summer. They think it is cool and convenient. In addition to bringing health and safety hazards to children, crotchless pants are also detrimental to children\’s sexual and psychological development. Just imagine, a child who is two or three years old and is still running around naked, how do you tell him what privacy is? On the other hand, wearing crotchless pants may create opportunities for those with ulterior motives. Never touch a child\’s genitals. Some relatives, friends and elders will touch the genitals of little boys to tease them. This seriously violates the principle of \”inviolability of private parts\” mentioned above and brings huge safety risks to children. A child whose genitals were often fondled as a child may not feel any abnormality at all if he is molested in the future. After entering puberty, beware of both men and women. What should you do if your child is sexually assaulted? 1) Preserve evidence and report to the police promptly. 2) Take your child to the doctor for physical and mental health check-ups. If necessary, be sure to seek professional help and never hide your illness. 3) Never blame the child for this. Don\’t say things like \”Why didn\’t you run?\” or \”Why didn\’t you know how to call someone?\” Tell your child that it\’s not his fault, it\’s the perpetrator\’s fault.