careful! Your lively and cute baby may be a naughty child in the eyes of others.

One weekend, Chengzi and his good friend Xiaofei made an appointment to play. We had dinner at a restaurant in the mall. Chengzi and Xiaofei saw a free balloon at the door of the restaurant. There happened to be an open space at the door, so the two of them took one and threw it. Hit it, squat low and jump high, have fun. Xiaofei\’s mother and I were sitting not far away, chatting, and reminding them: stop when someone passes by, and be careful not to touch anyone. While chatting, Xiaofei’s mother suddenly smiled and said: “I guess in the eyes of passers-by, these are just two naughty kids chasing each other and fighting in public places. These two mothers are not of high quality, but they still watch with a smile when their children are making such a fuss. I don’t care.” I laughed dumbly: It’s true. In fact, we both know that Chengzi and Xiaofei are far from being so-called naughty children. They are both obedient and naughty. Sometimes we wish they could be more naughty. Moreover, the weather was bad that day, so activities could only be done indoors. There were not many people passing by this open space, and we reminded them from time to time to pay attention to people passing by. You see, we have so many reasons and considerations, but passers-by will only see two little boys running and jumping and playing with balloons. This is probably the difference between a naughty child in the eyes of passers-by and a child in the eyes of parents. The same child, the same behavior, why do passers-by and the mother come to completely opposite conclusions? This involves a psychological phenomenon. We always subconsciously analyze and judge our own or other people\’s behavior in an instant – why did he (me) do this? This process of drawing conclusions is [attribution]. For example, if a child fails to do well in an exam, he or she will say that the questions given by the teacher this time were too difficult. The child is attributing poor grades to the fact that the questions are too difficult. Attribution is divided into internal attribution and external attribution. Internal attribution is to attribute the cause of something to the person\’s problem. External attribution is to attribute the cause of an incident to problems in the external environment. for example. The child still failed in the exam. The child said that the questions given by the teacher this time were too difficult – this is external attribution. Dad said: \”Whatever the problem is, you are just careless and don\’t examine the problem seriously!\” ——Attributing poor performance to the child\’s own problems is called internal attribution. As long as you pay a little attention, you will find that attribution is everywhere. Throughout the day, your thoughts come and go in endlessly, and almost all of them are inseparable from attribution. Because you are drawing conclusions and making judgments all the time. People are like this. They instinctively want to find an explanation for everything that happens, so that they can feel at ease and feel that the world is controllable – no matter whether the explanation is correct or not, as long as they can get past their own level. What’s even more interesting is that psychologists have found that people tend to make external attributions when explaining their own behavior, and tend to make internal attributions when looking at the behavior of others. This causes passers-by to see a naughty child, but the mother sees a lively, cute and smart baby. When passers-by see the child\’s naughty behavior, they will think that the child is uneducated and conclude that he is a naughty child. When a mother sees her child\’s behavior, she will feel that there are many reasons why the child has no choice but to do so: the weather is bad, so we can only play indoors; we have been very careful not to disturb others; the child has been bored at home all day and comes out.It is normal to run and jump… Therefore, in the eyes of the mother, her children have nothing to do with naughty children. In other words, no mother admits that her child is a naughty child. When looking at others, it is easy to make internal attributions, and when looking at oneself, it is easy to make external attributions. This leads to a problem that many people are prone to: being lenient on oneself and strict on others. We hope that our children will take the time to do their homework as soon as they get home. After finishing their homework, they will have to play the piano, practice calligraphy, and do the Mathematical Olympiad. Otherwise, they will be playful, impetuous, not interested in learning, and not practical. As for us, when we get home, we want to take a breath first and play with our mobile phones for a while before cooking. After eating, we have to lie down and browse our mobile phones for a while – I have been working all day. I am so tired. I need to slow down. slow. We are particularly good at labeling others. If we apply the same thing to ourselves, the label will naturally fail. Because of various reasons and various causes and consequences, I have to do this, and I have no choice! Being strict with oneself, being lenient with others, and having double standards for others and others, such people are particularly hateful in life. A friend said that her Virgo husband is like this. He always looks at her with a critical eye on big things and small things: \”How many times have I told you about such a trivial matter, why can\’t you remember it?\” Okay, this time my friend will remember it. . As a result, not long after, my husband also made the same mistake. The friend retaliates in kind: \”I\’ve told you so many times but I can\’t remember. How can I not get angry?\” Shi Shiran replied: \”I have too many things to do. Just say it again. It\’s not a big deal.\” This happened so many times that my friend was so angry that he vowed never to find a Virgo husband again in his next life. It can be seen that the two of them are actually getting along instinctively. Acting solely on instinct will only bring trouble to yourself and pain to others. Virgo takes the blame again. If we want to have a more harmonious relationship with our family, what we need to do is to understand human nature, be more aware of it on the basis of instinct, and add rational factors. This is the purpose of this article – attribution awareness can help us look at and deal with problems more rationally. 1. Make more external attributions for other people’s behavior, and be more considerate of other people’s difficulties and last resorts. For example, if a child lies, our first reaction is internal attribution – this child has a problem with his character and is dishonest! Thinking of this, I couldn\’t help but get furious. It is better to try to make external attribution: When the child lies, is it because I am too strict in controlling him, which makes him afraid to tell me the truth? Is there any compelling reason for a child to lie? When you think about it this way, do you feel calmer and can you look at this matter more comprehensively and objectively? 2. Make more internal attributions for your own behavior and reflect more on your own problems. For example, I couldn\’t help but get angry at my child and slapped him several times. We will think: I hit you because you were disobedient. I don’t want to get angry. If you are obedient, why should I hit you? I work during the day and take care of the kids at night. I am so tired and no one understands me. How can I control my emotions? The more I think about it, the more I feel aggrieved and the more angry I become. Why not change your mind and see that any problem is a system, which cannot be separated from the participation of both parents and children. There are also areas that need improvement: why do children have such problems?? What role did I play in “fueling the flames”? Why do I always solve problems by getting angry? Is it because I have accumulated emotions and the child’s problem is just a trigger? Where does my anger come from? When we become aware of our own problems, we shift our focus away from anger and complaints toward others and begin to think of ways to solve these problems. When we encounter problems, we should look more at ourselves, and our mentality will be more peaceful and smooth – instead of looking at others every day and feeling aggrieved because others are sorry for us. Blaming others will not help except getting yourself stuck in the quagmire of emotions. Finally, two words of chicken soup – what is tolerance? It means making more external attributions for other people\’s behavior, seeing more of the other person\’s last resort, and not focusing on the person. What is introspection? It means making more internal attributions for your own behavior, seeing more areas for improvement, changing yourself, and influencing others. Change your attribution patterns and life will look completely different to you.