Child, if you can, please let me be your confidant

Yesterday evening, at the gate of Mizhi No. 3 Middle School in Shaanxi Province, a group of students were attacked with a knife on their way home from school. 19 students (14 women and 5 men) were injured and 9 of them died (7 women and 2 men). The murderer was caught on the spot. He said: When he was a student at Mizhi No. 3 Middle School, he was bullied on campus, so he hated the students. Today he killed someone with a knife in order to vent his hatred and take revenge on society. Even if there are thousands of reasons, they are not an excuse to take away the life of an innocent person, nor can they alleviate his sins by half! While we grieve for the 19 children who were victimized, we are also thinking: Why did the school bullying he encountered during his school days affect his life, and even become an excuse for him to commit crimes? His WeChat name is: Be patient or ruthless. His personal signature is: We all understand the truth, but we still can’t live a good life. The shadow of school bullying he encountered when he was young affected his life and brought devastating blows to the families of those children. I once went to pick up Xiao Yuer from school. I saw a group of boys swarming around a little boy. They pulled his hair, ears, and groped him randomly. They even snatched the child\’s schoolbag and threw it away. . The school security guard who was standing nearby said indifferently: Don\’t make trouble, just go and play, don\’t block the school gate. We always think that there is no evil between children. Even if there is any conflict, it is just a joke or a slapstick, so whether it is the school or the parents, they often ignore it. In 2016, at Zhongguancun No. 2 Primary School in Beijing, a fourth-grade child was in the toilet. Two classmates blocked the toilet door and smashed the toilet paper basket on his head. Urine and poop paper were sprinkled all over his face. , and then the two boys ran away. The mother of the bullied child had hoped that the school would punish the two bullies, but the final reply she received was: the two children just made an outrageous joke. Someone asked on Zhihu: What is your experience of being bullied or school violence? How to deal with it afterwards? There are thousands of responses below. If it weren\’t for the need to investigate data, I would never have imagined that those so-called children in our eyes, the so-called young boys and girls, the so-called angels, are no less than demons in front of children of the same age. People who have never experienced school bullying can never imagine the pain and despair in the hearts of those who are bullied. A classmate who was subjected to school violence once said: \”Forgive? It is impossible to forgive, and you will never be able to forgive in your life.\” What will happen to those children who were bullied in the end? A lifelong shadow. The most terrifying thing that campus bullying brings to children is not the physical pain, nor the ridicule and isolation they suffered at that time, but the lifelong shadow: low self-esteem, social fear, anxiety, depression, and pessimism that will accompany them throughout their lives. . Last year, Wang Tingting (pseudonym) fought back against alumni who had bullied her on campus and took one of her seniors to court. Shortly after she was admitted to a high school in Wenling, Taizhou, Zhejiang Province in 2008, she began to face verbal attacks from classmates over a trivial incident. She was described as a \”girl who showed off her wealth\”, a girl who had plastic surgery, a \”goddess\”, etc. She was isolated by her classmates, her grades plummeted, and her life trajectory was also changed. Nearly ten years later, she worked, got married, and gave birth to children, but she still did not get rid of the nightmare of being bullied. Someone once advised her to reconcile: \”Leave a thin line in your life, and you will be better off in the future\”meet. I don\’t accept that: they won\’t accept me just because I\’m friendly. Those children who are bullied are so innocent, and those bullies really will not let you go because of your kindness. Becoming the new bully Li Shanglong In the new book \”Thorn\”, the heroine Han Xiaoting suffered school violence from the Beilei sisters and Liu Tao. The bullies\’ methods were appalling and the scene was heart-wrenching. Later, Han Xiaoting became the founder of a listed company and began to use violence against Liu Tao, who had humiliated her and now worked in her company. In the past, the hateful student Liu Tao has now become the pitiful employee Liu Tao; the sympathetic Han Xiaoting has become the devil Han Xiaoting. The former perpetrator has become today\’s victim. The former victim has now become the perpetrator. The bullied people become new bullies because they have to fight hard to break free from the prison in their hearts. In the United States, in the 1990s, out of 15 school shootings, 12 were committed by perpetrators who had suffered school bullying. According to statistics from the Ministry of Public Security of China: In nearly 10% of school violence cases, the defendants were originally victims of school violence. After being violated, they lacked correct behavioral guidance and imitated the attacker\’s behavior to make themselves consistent with it. . In this way, psychological conflicts can be avoided and the hurt suffered by oneself can be passed on to others. Why do we suffer from campus bullying for a long time? Someone online asked: What would parents do if they were bullied as a child? Some netizens said: When you were bullied when you were a child, tell your parents, they always said why they didn’t bully others but you, why don’t you think about it. From then on, any grievances I had were swallowed in my stomach. Some also said: My mother only has two sentences: 1. Why hit you instead of hitting others? 2. If someone beats you, just bear with it. It doesn’t matter in our family. There was a Korean movie \”Earthworm\”, which told the story of a child from a single-parent family who was bullied. There was a Japanese movie \”Confession\” that told the story of a single teacher whose child was bullied. There was a French movie \”School Out of Control\”, which told the story of a pair of children who were bullied by their parents. Behind every child who has been abused for a long time, there is a pair of parents who are indifferent, either intentionally or unintentionally. Human beings are born with a need for love. Every child has been actively seeking love from the world while growing up. If he does not receive a response, his inner needs are not met, and he lacks love and hope, he has to slowly transfer these needs to others. When he externalizes this need for love, he will probably perform two possible behaviors: First, they will become a pleaser personality very easily, trust others easily, and work hard to please others. Because there is no love and warmth they need at home, they can only find this warmth on their own. If it is a girl, such a personality will seriously affect her criteria for choosing a mate, and may even lead to her getting hurt. Therefore, there are many girls who encounter a scumbag and are unwilling to leave him even if they are bruised and bruised. They are just greedy for the occasional warmth that the other person brings to her. Second, they will become aggressive personalities, thinking that the world is untrustworthy and that they are not worthy of love.In order to protect himself, he will do whatever it takes to ensure his safety. Those feelings of not being loved in childhood will be deeply engraved in their hearts and minds, reminding them from time to time: I need to protect myself. Wu Zhihong said: No response is death. Children who do not receive a response from love will fall into endless darkness, and their innate warmth and kindness will be swallowed up bit by bit by the darkness. If from the beginning, when parents and teachers know that their children are being bullied, they will stand up resolutely and be their children\’s strong backing, the children will have more courage to face the storms of the world. In the movie \”Wonder Boys\”, when Auggie was bullied by his classmates and came home crying, his mother said: \”I know you don\’t like your face, but I love it so much because it is my son\’s face.\” Then the mother said: \”You are not ugly.\” Auggie said: \”You are my mother, that\’s why you said that!\” Mom said: \”It\’s important that I am your mother, because I know you best!\” Dad hid Auggie\’s helmet and put it under Auggie\’s eyes. After knowing it, he said: This is my son\’s face, I love him, I want to see him. At the same time, they actively went to school to deal with the matter. Of course, behind every naughty child, there is often a naughty parent. The parents of the children who bullied Auggie were even more arrogant than the children and said: Isn’t it just a slapstick? But the always amiable principal suddenly changed his face. He said: \”We take the phenomenon of campus violence very seriously!\” This short sentence had a deterrent effect. Later, the perpetrator apologized and transferred to another school. Everything, Back to normal. Auggie, who had been bullied and cold-blooded, finally grew into an angel. Let us be like Auggie’s mother and be the confidants of our children. Learn to listen to your child\’s inner feelings unconditionally, understand him, comfort him, embrace him, trust and respect him. This world is full of wind and rain, and we should be a loving embrace and a safe harbor for children when they are injured, so that they can heal in our arms and have more courage to face this. world. Let us learn to support, encourage, listen, and trust in love, and become parents who can always be trusted and relied on in our children\’s hearts. In this way, when they are bullied or hurt outside, they can tell us without fear, because they know that we are their eternal support. In this way, they will not affect themselves or others due to inner depression. May our children have a smooth life and grow old safely.