Children always cannot afford to lose, so comfort is effective

Two days ago, I saw a message like this in the background, which really touched me. The problem this mother mentioned is actually a problem I often hear when communicating with my friends. The mothers around me feel quite distressed. I myself have even encountered conflicts that broke out directly in front of me because my children refused to admit defeat. That scene left a deep impression on me. That time, Pai\’s dad and I took Xiao Pai to have dinner with a couple of friends. They also brought a child, who was about the same age as Xiao Pai. We adults had a great time chatting, and Xiaopai and his friend’s son went to play table football in the restaurant. The two of them were so immersed in the game that they soon became addicted to it. After a while, Xiaopai burst out laughing: \”Haha, you lost! I scored your goal so easily!\” The little boy said angrily: \”I didn\’t lose, I didn\’t lose, you lost!\” Because the sound was so loud, the boy\’s mother rushed over and asked what was going on. The boy immediately threw himself into his mother\’s arms and cried loudly: \”I didn\’t lose, Mom, I didn\’t lose. It was Xiaopai who lost…\” The cry was heard. In the Che restaurant, the mother had to keep comforting the child: \”It\’s okay, it\’s just a little game. If you don\’t cry, stop crying…\” But the boy cried more and more, and he kept insisting, \”I didn\’t lose.\” The boy\’s father was so angry that he rushed over, grabbed the child, slapped Piapia on the butt several times, and scolded: \”You are crying over such a trivial matter. If you still don\’t admit defeat, I won\’t take you out to eat in the future…\” While talking, he dragged the child out. The child\’s cry suddenly rose to a higher level, so shrill that it shrilled the eardrums. Xiaopai was so frightened that he hid behind us, and the situation was extremely embarrassing. Later, the restaurant owner couldn\’t bear it anymore and came to urge us to pay the bill and leave. The couple and friends also didn\’t contact us for a long time. However, no matter how confident a child is in himself, he will not always be able to perform well in the competition. Every child will encounter moments when they are not capable enough, cannot do something well, or cannot do well. He will be depressed, frustrated, sad, and have a lot of negative emotions piled up on him. Parents\’ response to their children\’s negative emotions also affects their children\’s attitudes and views on winning and losing. In the first half of this year, Xiaopai participated in the school running competition and sprinted almost at the same time as the first-place girl. Unfortunately, she only finished second in the group. Her tears immediately came out. My father and I comforted her: \”It doesn\’t matter, second place is already great.\” However, the more we comforted her, the harder she cried. Later, she told us about this incident: \”Mom, I was really sad and lost at that time. I just wanted to cry. After crying, I was fine.\” If the running game is lost, the child will be depressed and sad. It\’s all normal, but we tell him \”Don\’t be sad, it\’s okay\”. This is not comfort at all, it is clearly denying the child\’s feelings. The child will not feel relieved at all because of our comfort, and will feel that we do not understand her at all. This is also the crux of the problem that many children cry more when we comfort them. More than comfort, the child needs us to accept her emotions, empathize with her from her perspective, and listen to her, instead of blocking her emotional flow and denying her feelings. I remember one time, Paipai was playing Lego in the living room, and when he was about to set it up, Ning Ning came over and overthrew him. Put a lot of effort into building itThe good style was ruthlessly destroyed by Ning Ning. The classmate who took the picture shouted, \”Go away, my sister is the most annoying!\” Seeing that her mood was about to escalate, I hurried over and said to her: \”Oh, it\’s not easy to put it together.\” , but was ruined by my sister, aren\’t you so angry?\” \”I\’m so angry, I took so long, my sister is so annoying!\” \”Yes, it took so long, if my sister hadn\’t done it, everyone would have done it. It\’s done. What a pity!\” At this time, Xiao Pai calmed down a little, silently picked up the drawings and put back together the parts that Ning Ning had scattered. After a while, Xiaopai said to me: \”Mom, take your sister to another place to play. You can\’t let her cause damage this time.\” I was very fortunate that when Xiaopai\’s emotions further intensified, I accepted it in time and Listening to her, she quickly calmed down. Li Xue said: A child\’s energy is like a natural flowing river. It is gentle for a while, rapid for a while, advection and whirlpool. Everything is an experience of impermanence. As long as we treat our children with real encouragement, accept and listen to their emotions, and face wins and losses, our children will gradually develop a natural and healthy attitude, with more inner courage and strength. Whether you lose or win, it is actually your child’s wealth in life.