Children are most afraid of these three types of parents!

Every day, when taking Xiao Xiaoyu to school, she will meet many children. As long as you pay a little attention, you will find that children and parents are not just similar in appearance. You will find that the behavior is also extremely close. Of course, outside, adults have learned to hide, while children appear to be straightforward. So after a period of time and getting familiar with it, you will find that this is really the case! A child is a mirror that reflects the true nature of his parents. If you look at the relatives and friends around you who have known each other for decades. You will find even more so. There is a family in our village with two daughters. When they were children, they played with us. People just think that their mothers like to intervene in the children\’s small conflicts, always helping their daughters and hurting us. over time. The two girls look more and more like their mother. The grumpy mother is always quarreling with others outside. The house was also in a state of turmoil. Since middle school, no one dared to offend these two girls. Because they can use all kinds of curse words and you can\’t resist them at all. Now, they are married. Some time ago, I encountered them arguing with someone again, and their attitude was exactly the same as that of their mother. Suppose these two children did not have such a mother. The character is definitely different. Sometimes I think about it, being a parent is really a very important thing. Because it is related to the growth of a life. It is related to what this life will look like, and even affects the entire life. It is different from taking a professional certificate or driver\’s license exam. There is no exam required to be a parent. And this is actually very scary. Parents who are unwilling to grow up and are self-righteous are very scary. If being a parent also requires exams, that\’s definitely a good thing. Because there are too many people who have become parents and their status remains in the past, doing whatever they think they should do. I feel that just raising the child will be fine, there is no need to think so much. There is a kind of parent who likes to speak from experience. I remember once, I talked about children who have a tantrum in an article. A father left a message saying: \”You are so troublesome. You put your child on the pedestal and serve him with a stick. How dare he lose his temper and how dare he cry? To add, I was beaten up by my father when I was a child. I think There\’s nothing wrong with it.\” It\’s these so-called experiences that fill your mind, and then you are full of confidence. But he forgot one thing, this era has changed. Children in this era have also changed. By then the extensive parenting style had changed. The focus on individual psychology and personalized development have become a common imprint of the growth of children in this era. At that time, you were beaten, and your neighbor Zhang San and Li Si were also beaten. You thought it was nothing and played happily together as usual. But things are different now. Children will find that their peers are treated differently. My parents don\’t lose their temper. After long-term comparison, your child will definitely be in more pain than you were. There is also a type of parents who disdain learning. Even if I see someone reading some books about their parents’ growth, I will feel contempt in my heart. Because they believe in Lao Tzu\’s rule of inaction. Indeed, trusting all the books is worse than having no books at all. Besides, every child\’s situation is different. However, there are many books on the interpretation of children\’s psychological behavior that can be read. At least it can help you understand furtherchild. Many mothers said that when they were studying, their children\’s father would criticize her and not even study. This makes them very distressed. In fact, fathers’ hobbies may not be here. They prefer to take their children to exercise or play games. This is also a good division of labor. Mothers pay attention to their children\’s psychological growth and manage their children\’s nutrition, while fathers are responsible for exercising their children\’s willpower and body. This is also how you grow yourself. There is also a kind of parent with a misplaced identity who is very scary. This kind of identity dislocation is caused by mixing one\’s professional identity with the identity of one\’s parents, resulting in dislocation. In fact, when you become a parent, you will more or less bring your own work into it. For example, I have talked with many mothers who are teachers. Most of them are distressed. There is a kindergarten teacher, she is a class teacher. It’s not difficult to manage more than 20 children every day. But when I got home, I saw that my 5-year-old son had a big head. The children are conflicted and noisy in various ways. And there is more than one such situation. The teacher\’s children should have been more disciplined. In fact, the problem lies in the professional identity of teachers. Because many mothers who are teachers will unconsciously bring home their identity as teachers. I have higher requirements for my children and feel that they cannot be worse than the children in my class. So I will be picky about my children unconsciously. What will other parents think if their children do not do well? There is such pressure in their subconscious mind. So in such a family, the pressure on children will be even greater. Some children simply go to extremes and use rebellious behavior to resist the control of this \”teacher\”. I just hope she doesn\’t have such high expectations of herself. I can also be an ordinary child. There are also some parents who are leaders outside. When I got home, I still looked like a bureaucrat. Call the family members to come and go. I feel that my authority cannot be exceeded. So the children don’t dare to say anything. In such a family, children are prone to problems. Because they will go outside and find what they have lost. So he also pointed fingers at others and was arrogant. I\’ve had my share of misalignments myself. Because I study child psychology, I can always guess something about my son\’s psychology. Sometimes when I tell my son, he actually wants to hide it, so he won\’t admit it. But I analyzed it with certainty, and then thought about him admitting it. As a result, he held back his face and burst into tears. Later I thought, just understand in your heart and don’t say everything out loud. It\’s not a bit too much to complacently force a child. Therefore, as a parent, you must not have a misplaced identity. At home, you are your child\’s parent, no one else. The conversion and grasp of this role will really affect the atmosphere of a home. Parents who are only responsible for giving birth and not raising children are very scary. Many people become parents because the old man urges them to have a child. You even have to agree to the condition that I am only responsible for giving birth and you are responsible for raising her. Therefore, many old people have just brought up their sons and grandchildren. You may say you are raising a grandson, but it is actually the same as raising a son. You can carry it with you around the clock, and all your food, drink, and food are taken care of. The only difference is that she cannot breastfeed, so she uses milk powder instead. I remember that I had just graduated. Once, old classmates had a dinner together.A classmate brought his boyfriend over. At that time, everyone had dinner together and talked about their ideals in life. When talking about children in the middle, I said that the children I gave birth to were better raised by myself. The gentleman said as the glasses were spread: \”It\’s not necessary. The child is not sensible. It would be much easier to just take care of the old man. The child is too troublesome. Besides, children have no memory of how old they are. It doesn\’t matter who cares.\” We heard at the time After hearing this broad discussion, I don’t know how to answer. But if I were a woman and said these words to him, I would definitely break up with him. Because I have always felt that no matter how hard it is, I have to raise my own children myself. Research on self psychology has found that a baby under 1 year old is already a complete person. Rather than a little animal that knows nothing but eats, drinks, and poops. Only when you take care of your children by yourself can you develop a complete and healthy parent-child relationship. If you have never hugged the little guy in front of you, kissed his little face, or changed his diaper. I never put him to sleep or played with him. That\’s not like watching your friend\’s child. How can that unique intimacy arise. Psychologist Winnicott said that at the moment when a child is born, if there is a good enough caregiver to take care of the baby, the baby will have the illusion that the external world is created by the baby himself. Under this illusion, babies will have an exaggerated feeling of omnipotence. A good enough mother just creates such an opportunity and environment for her child. In fact, this feeling constitutes the child\’s initial sense of security. Such children do not make endless noises. When you grow up, your personality development will be more complete and healthy. And this kind of \”just right\” can only be given by a mother. No one else can replace it. Being a parent is really a self-cultivation. If you take it seriously, you will not only gain a good child, but also a better yourself!