Children cannot get rid of depression, we have an obligation to help them open their minds and find new perspectives

There is a sentence in \”The Elf with Broken Wings\” that I like very much. Children often just: \”make up an ending based on their own limited knowledge.\” Really, not just teenagers, we adults often do this too. Stare at a certain part, tell yourself that you have understood the whole picture, and say to yourself: \”According to my experience, this matter has no solution.\” The child is out of school, it’s over. If the child doesn’t talk to me, it’s over. The child plays with the mobile phone upside down day and night, it’s over. Cognition has boundaries. The more background knowledge, the broader the problem-solving ideas. However, the perspective from which we look at problems often limits the resources we have. The younger the children are, the less knowledge background they have and the fewer and narrower their perspectives on problems. This is exactly what we adults can provide our children with our vast knowledge and life experience. The same goes for finding a psychiatrist or psychological counselor. They are not that powerful, they just have more perspectives than us to see the problem. A child asked me during consultation: \”Teacher, there are very few girls in our class. There is a small group of 5 people and a small group of 3 people. I feel very lonely in the class. That small group of 5 people always tries to find ways I feel so powerless and scared that I don’t dare to go to school.” I asked her, “Do you think everyone in this group is bad?” She said. : \”Yes, there is one, and that person is quite good.\” I said: \”Have you ever thought that their small group is not strong? Five people have five ideas, and there are five flaws. Maybe, Here is a way you can try to make a breakthrough.\” She suddenly said: \”Teacher, I have never thought of it this way!\” I said again: \”Based on your past experience in making friends, you are very capable of making friends. When we feel lonely, what we need is a friendship, not a specific person, don\’t you think?\” She said, \”Yes.\” Then I said, \”In this case, do we have to keep an eye on him? What about these people? Can the boys in the class be friends? As you said, would it be safer if there were boys around?\” After giving her some inspiration, the child went to school happily. . When my daughter was in elementary school, she told me that she felt lonely in class. I told her: \”First of all, you are not the only one who feels this way. In fact, every child feels the same as you. Secondly, sometimes gaining friendships and actively catering to and integrating into the small groups that already exist in the class is a way , but it is also a way to help those in need. You have good grades, a good personality, the teacher likes you, and you are capable. There is a saying among adults, \”It is better to provide help in the snow than to add icing on the cake.\” Who do you think will cherish you more? ? \”Children are very smart, and sometimes they are more enlightened than adults. Because they trust you unconditionally. Teaching children to look at problems from different perspectives can often open up their minds. They actually don’t know what they don’t know or what they have, and they need our guidance. There was a mother whose child had poor grades and she was very anxious. What she has been worried about is that her child’s grades in public middle schools are at the bottom and she has no intention of studying.Xi, the relationship between mother and child is getting worse and worse. The child will not listen to anything she says, and it seems there is no way out. However, amid constant anxiety, she helped her child apply to go abroad. Foreign teachers saw her child and said that the child had a very good personality and was very interested in learning. Only then did she realize that she had been limited to the values ​​​​under the domestic education system, thus limiting her imagination. It is precisely because of her current choice and the teacher\’s affirmation that the child is suddenly full of motivation for learning and has a strong sense of value. Her anxiety and relationship problems with her children were all solved. Another mother’s daughter entered a very good school, which was very high-ranking, so she had to get ranked. Children who originally had excellent grades were repeatedly ranked at the bottom in that school. The children were very depressed and their confidence was at a loss. She couldn\’t help her children with their studies and was very anxious. When she was in the second grade of junior high school, she made a decisive decision to help her daughter transfer to a private school. The teachers there pay more attention to children\’s mental health and overall development. My daughter is very happy there. Once again, thinking determines the way out. Others chose vocational schools for their children and eventually went to college. Even if you don\’t go to college, having a certain expertise is still very powerful. As the saying goes, all roads lead to Rome. As a parent, you have to search for the resources you have and make good use of them. There are many choices. However, more people focus on their own shortcomings. This is the limitation of the perspective of looking at the problem. As our minds open up, the children\’s minds will naturally open up as well. Once, I accidentally said to my child: \”Xiaomi, you feel better now than when you were in elementary school.\” She said with an unhappy face: \”Why?\” I replied: \”I don\’t mean to be obedient, but to look good. A little more stable.\” Then I asked her: \”Why are you reacting so hard? Do you think I am denying you? In fact, I think everything is good for children. It’s normal to go through various stages! It means you are learning to restrain yourself at this stage.” She replied: “Because I don’t like others to say that I am good.” At this time, she suddenly realized something and said, “Oh, Mom, I suddenly realized that because I think being good is a sign of inflexibility, I feel that you are denying me. If it were another child, you might think that you are praising her. So, whether you are happy or not does not depend on others. What I said is whether my inner value judgment is stable and whether I am confident. \”The reason why many people are anxious is because they always focus on their own shortcomings. It is said: \”Have a clear understanding of yourself.\” But in fact, it means ignoring the value you have and always focusing on the value you don\’t have. \”Raising Your Inner Child\” says: There is an essential difference between self-reflection and self-attack: self-reflection is to avoid encountering the same ending next time, while the purpose of self-attack is just to prove that you are poor. People who attack themselves will attribute the reasons for failure to uncontrollable factors, such as talent, the past, and things that are not available…while people who are self-reflective will attribute the reasons to controllable factors, such as effort, timing, methods, resources… There is a bit My mother also plans to send her children abroad, told me: \”I feel that my abilities are limited, and I feel that I can\’t do more for my children, so I am very anxious.\” I said: You and your wife have stable jobs, a harmonious relationship, and your family conditions are more than adequate (and not at the bottom). . Many children do not adapt to the domestic system or have poor grades. They want to study in a private school or go abroad, but they simply do not have the conditions. Some children go abroad and their mothers want to accompany them to study, but they can\’t pass the English communication test. But you don\’t have such obstacles at all… What great resources you have! Only then did she realize that she had a lot. The same is true for educating children: only by looking at problems from a holistic perspective can you recognize your strengths and weaknesses, and avoid falling into perfectionism. And we can take advantage of the good, the parts we have, the parts we can control. However, if you look at the problem from a local perspective, you will fall into a quagmire and be unable to get out.