Children don’t insist on learning anything, master 3 points to solve the problem satisfactorily

A friend of mine has a 6-year-old child who is learning piano and is having a hard time. My friend felt distressed when she saw it, but her husband kept insisting, saying: \”Only by enduring hardship can one become a master. It is so easy to give up since childhood, how can one achieve great things when one grows up?\” Now, when it is time to practice piano every day, There was tension in the whole family. A friend sent me a message asking for my opinion. What she said reminded me of a word that is very fashionable in American education today – Grit, the quality of perseverance and not giving up. This quality is considered more important than talent and IQ and is an important factor in determining a child\’s success. Today I want to talk to you about my interpretation of Grit, hoping to give some inspiration to my friends. What is Grit? The first time I learned about Grit was a 2013 TED talk by Angela Duckworth, associate professor at the University of Pennsylvania. Her original words at the time were: \”Persevere in your passion for long-term goals, and still be able to work unremittingly even after failure. This quality is called Grit.\” Since 2005, she has conducted surveys on thousands of high school students, and conducted observations and analyzes with West Point Military Academy, National Spelling Bee Champions, top universities in the United States, etc. She found that: no matter what the circumstances, compared to Whether it\’s intelligence, academic performance or looks, \”grit\” is the most reliable indicator of success. This discovery profoundly affected the American education community. Many schools have introduced \”Grit education\” and new courses. They no longer simply require children to learn knowledge and skills, but provide an environment where children can cultivate Grit qualities. After reading the definition of Grit, I believe many friends have the same feeling as me. Isn\’t this very common in our Eastern education? From the ancient \”hanging beam thorns\” to the modern \”tiger parents and tiger mothers\” (like the friend\’s husband I mentioned at the beginning), the essence is about how to cultivate perseverance. But Duckworth added something new to this point, \”Perseverance does not mean forcing yourself to do things you don\’t like, but not giving up when you encounter challenges when doing things you like.\” The basis for cultivating the quality of perseverance is to Have a passion for this. Indeed, Chinese parents spare no effort in cultivating their children\’s perseverance, but we often ignore their children\’s interests. Without interest as a premise, the cultivation of perseverance under such pressure is mostly \”fake\”. Children only temporarily succumb to external forces and do not really improve their \”Grit Index\”. Once this external force disappears, there will be an even greater rebound. As parents, we tend to fall into a misunderstanding: we always think about what our children should do, but ignore what our children want to do. Learning Mathematical Olympiads, learning musical instruments, learning English, and learning painting. In almost every case, parents make choices for their children and never really ask their children what they want to learn. Maybe some friends will say that because the child is still young and does not understand, learning these will help him in the future. But this is what Duckworth wants to correct everyone\’s point of view, how fast can a child run in the first place?unimportant. The important thing is that in the future running, when he falls, he still has the ability to get up and continue running. Therefore, don’t rush to provide your children with this and that, learn this and that, but cultivate perseverance first. Then, the first step is to encourage the child to do more fun and difficult things, and let the child choose something that interests him and is a bit challenging. Don’t give up when you feel the worst. After seeing this, some mothers will definitely ask: What should I do if my child’s interests keep changing? This is indeed very common and normal. This is the second step in developing perseverance: before a child gives up, we need to ensure that she has spent time trying hard and truly understands why she gave up, rather than giving up because she couldn\’t learn or was criticized by the teacher. It is natural for people to shrink back when encountering difficulties, especially for children. However, the key to creating Grit is that even if you really give up because your interests change, you still need to persist for a period of time, especially when you are not interested. Give up when you feel your worst. This reminds me of my time in college. At that time, I had a great passion for English, so I wanted to learn German as a second foreign language, so I signed up. Unexpectedly, after only two lessons, I gave up and told my dad that I didn’t want to learn anymore. My reason at the time was very high-sounding: I was no longer interested, but I still wanted to focus on English and go all out to prepare for the TOEFL. I remember what my father said to me at that time: \”It is normal to make choices in life, but once you start something, you must complete at least part of it and have a beautiful ending.\” My father encouraged me to let me finish at least this semester. Then put all your energy into preparing for the TOEFL test. Later, I did study hard for one semester, and my final exam results were pretty good. Looking back on that experience now, it was my father who was cultivating my perseverance. Little D just started learning to ride a bicycle, but he couldn\’t master the balance well. After riding it twice, he said he didn\’t want to ride anymore. I remember very clearly that our sports rehabilitation therapist at that time did not allow this, but helped her experience the feeling of riding a few times. Afterwards, the exact words our rehabilitation therapist said to me were, \”For children of any age, do not let them give up on anything they experience failure. This will affect their self-confidence, and it will also affect the building of perseverance.\” No good.” Help children practice strategically. The third point of inspiration Duckworth gave me is also the one that resonates the most with me: practice strategically. I don’t know if you have had this experience: When you were a child, your academic performance was not good, and your parents always said, \”It will be better if you work harder and do more questions.\” So, over time, we have always thought, \”As long as I practice more and take the time, I can perform well.\” But that\’s not entirely true. Many times, the so-called repeated practice is actually \”absent-minded\”, so we make the same mistakes over and over again in the wrong place. This is what we have always said \”use tactical diligence to cover up strategic laziness.\” The most terrible thing is that such boring but ineffective \”repeated practice\” is actually absent-minded. We make the same mistakes over and over in the wrong placesMistake, which is what we call \”use tactical diligence to cover up strategic laziness.\” The most terrible thing is that such boring but ineffective repeated practice is exactly consuming the quality of perseverance. If a child\’s past experience since childhood is, \”I have practiced so hard, but the results are not good.\” Then when he encounters difficulties next time, he will think of giving up immediately. Therefore, truly smart parents must strategically help their children practice. It’s not just about saying, “It’ll be better if you just try harder.” But when children are procrastinating on their homework, we should teach them how to make plans and complete their goals step by step; when children are always careless, we can guide them to observe more in daily life and improve their sensitivity to details; when children feel difficult If they feel bored with learning, we can help them establish a growth mindset. I really like the original dictionary meaning of Grit, gravel: without the grinding of gravel, there would be no pearls in the shell. The same is true in life. Only a life tempered by challenges can harvest pearls. When I finished reading Duckworth\’s book on Grit at the beginning of this year, I realized that I had not really understood how to cultivate grit correctly for a long time. Creating Grit is not about forcing or pushing children, nor is it an \”ascetic\” approach. True Grit cultivation is to listen to children\’s interests and arouse children\’s enthusiasm for doing something; true Grit cultivation is to respect children\’s choice to give up, but to encourage children to \”start well and end well\”; true Grit cultivation is to use our support Help your children do it by themselves and let them experience the sense of accomplishment that \”if you persist a little longer, you will get better and better.\”