Children learn how to be highly self-disciplined

When children are studying, the biggest challenge to parents\’ patience is the daily homework time. After school, many children are prone to \”non-violence and non-communication\”. You urged him calmly, but he was indifferent. It was really only when he became stern and angry that he slowly took out the textbook from his schoolbag. Some mothers complained: \”My son must wait until I come home from work every day before he starts doing homework.\” This is a common problem for many children in learning: without the urging of adults, children will never learn to take the initiative. Parents can\’t help but reflect: \”Why do other people\’s children never need to be pushed to do their homework, but my children have to be beaten by their parents before they open their homework books?\” In fact, if you want your children to write homework more consciously, you don\’t have to rely on \”pushing\” and \”pushing\” to do their homework. \”Scold\”, on the contrary, we must \”control our mouths\”. Talking too much will become the biggest hidden danger of destroying children\’s consciousness. Failure to keep your mouth shut will make your children more and more dependent on your reminders. When it comes to homework, the first bad result of parents\’ failure to keep their mouths shut is to make children inert and develop a dependence mentality. As mentioned at the beginning: Many children judge the urgency of things based on the volume of their parents\’ voices. What are the contents of self-management skills (collection of books and courses) I once saw a friend urging a child who was playing on the sofa to do his homework: \”Stop playing and go do your homework!\” \”It\’s not that fun games can\’t last more than half an hour!\” \”You still have to do it?\” Are you playing?\” \”What on earth is so fun! My eyes are broken by playing with it!\” \”I\’ve told you several times, and if you don\’t come over, I\’ll smash your phone!\” Every time a friend says something, the child either says \”hmm\” or \” \”Oh\” or two words, or else he slowly made a gesture to leave on the sofa, but never took his eyes off the phone. It wasn\’t until the mother gave her an ultimatum that the child really got up. My friend said to me helplessly: \”Look at this child, he won\’t move without urging him. There is really nothing he can do about it.\” For a child like this, he has transferred the responsibility for homework to his mother, because he knows that it will always happen anyway. My mother reminds me that if my mother doesn’t rush or rush, it means things are not urgent yet. Children have developed psychological inertia and are content to wait to be arranged by adults. I think of a short video I saw some time ago. A mother felt helpless because her daughter was struggling to go to school. She came up with a \”trick\”: treat others the same way they treat others. Before going to school, she acted more calmly than her daughter, but now it was her child\’s turn to be anxious: \”Mom, hurry up… we\’re going to be late for school…\” Although this method is not very scientific, this mother\’s method The core direction is worth thinking about: the responsibility for learning is always the child\’s, and parents can provide support and help at most, and he needs to bear the consequences of all procrastination behaviors himself. This is also what is often called \”separation of topics\” in psychology. Adults and children each have their own responsibilities. When we talk too much and control too much, we are actually confusing the topics, and children may not truly learn to be responsible for themselves. Failure to keep one\’s mouth shut can easily arouse children\’s resistance to their parents. In a certain variety show, a mother had to remind her children every ten minutes from the time she came home until they finished their homework. Look at the child again. He is sitting on a chair rocking, playing with his fingers, playing with a ruler,Cutting rubber, being in a daze…the more her mother urged her, the slower she became. This \”slowness\” of children is a kind of invisible attack. He does not express anger directly, but uses a passive and covert way to resist adults\’ control over him. American psychologist Tim Murphy made this definition in his book \”Invisible Aggression\”: The weaker party in the relationship expresses to the stronger party due to the lack of status through indirect means such as delaying, avoiding, deliberately irritating, and secretly retaliating. Equal and cumulative anger. A strong and demanding parent is most likely to let his children use \”stealth attacks\” and treat learning more negatively. For example, after being urged or yelled at, the child is dissatisfied in his heart and does not dare to resist on his face. In the end, he can only resist by grinding. This method is very safe and can always successfully arouse the anger of adults. For example: if you ask me to go faster, I will become slower; if you ask me to sit there and study, the more I will wander off and play with rubber; if you reason with him, his eyes will wander and he doesn’t know where to look… This kind of hidden In resistance and catharsis, even the child may not realize that he is \”attacking adults.\” What is worrying is that when a child gets used to dilly-dallying, he will develop a \”show-off mentality\”: Yes, I like to do things slowly, and I am a dilly-dallying child. This is also the fundamental reason why adults feel so helpless and exhausted when it comes to homework. Because most of the children\’s time and energy are spent on how to fight against their parents. Once a child\’s behavioral problems escalate into parent-child confrontation, they will become more troublesome. Moreover, parents will never win when fighting with their children. Even if the child listens to you temporarily, there is still a passive confrontation hidden in his heart. Therefore, it is difficult to cultivate children\’s self-discipline in learning by nagging, urging and yelling. The inability to control one\’s mouth causes children to lose their confidence in learning. The manifestations of parents\’ inability to control one\’s mouth are not only \”talking too much\” but also \”speaking unpleasantly\”. One netizen left a message: \”When I was doing homework when I was a child, even if I made a wrong stroke, my mother would grab my ear and say: \”Wrong again!\” \”Every time his mother helped him with his homework, he would not dare to raise his head nervously. When he encountered an uncertain answer, he would tremble when he started writing. Some parents accompany their children to do their homework, just like walking monitors. When their children write, they are there. While reading: \”Is this the first stroke of this character written like this? \”Why is this look so ugly?\” \”Don\’t use the rubber so hard\” \”Keep your eyes away!\” \”Other parents often can\’t help but slam the table, lose their temper, and scold their children: \”Why are you so stupid? You can\’t even do this?\” \”Pig brain, you\’ve done this wrong.\” \”Don\’t you have a long memory?\” Fearful and fearful, as if facing a formidable enemy. These complaints and accusations are a kind of harm to the child. What is passed on to the child is a sense of failure and frustration, and the child will feel anxious and nervous. On the one hand, it interrupts his learning ideas, and on the other hand, the child will feel anxious and nervous. On the one hand, children are becoming more and more disgusted with homework, and even feel that they are stupid and incompetent. The most frightening thing is that in this kind of rough tutoring, learning brings terrible negative feelings and oppression to the child, and he cannot view learning positively. This incident ultimately destroyed the child\’s shaky confidence in learning. I saw an interview a long time ago. The reporter asked a primary school student: What do you want to say to the father (who helps with homework)?What did mom say? The child replied: \”Every time you help me with my homework, I am actually quite anxious. I also want to understand quickly. I hope that when you tutor me in the future, you will not be so anxious and can understand me better.\” \”Some people say: Tutoring homework is the beginning of the collapse of middle-aged people. In fact, the child also collapses. Tutoring children to learn and being able to control their emotions is one of the essential qualities for parents. Although it is difficult, we must try to adjust our mentality. To cultivate children\’s self-discipline, parents must learn to \”bear\”. Establishing children\’s self-discipline in learning is a long and complicated process. Parents who want to worry less about their children\’s long learning journey and avoid being involved in the pain of tutoring must learn to \”forbear\” and learn to keep their mouths shut. Resist arrogance and urging, and return the responsibility of learning to the children to accompany them with their homework. We must understand that the homework belongs to the child, and he is the protagonist of learning. In this process, what we can do is not to watch, stare, and take care of the whole process, but to accompany the child more and tell the child: \”Homework is your own business, and you must be responsible for your own affairs.\” We must be able to bear to look at the child. Don’t intervene when you make a mistake, don’t urge your child when he or she is slow, or resist the urge to do it for him if he doesn’t do it right. Children always need to establish their own sense of competence, which is the key to self-discipline. Resist nagging and focus more on cultivating habits. The key to children\’s self-discipline is to cultivate good habits from an early age, especially small habits. For example: do urgent things first and then play; let children experience the benefits of doing things \”fast\” and gain time to do things they like. For example, after reading two pages of a book, you can arrange your time freely; when doing homework, Toys, snacks, electronic products and other easily distracting things should not appear on the desk… These habits and details are the key to \”watching\” children\’s learning. There is no need to nag too much when cultivating these little habits. As long as we always stick to our bottom line, children will respect these principles. Keep your mouth shut and refrain from blaming your children. In primary school, if your children do not do well in homework, it may be a problem of ability or attitude. Parents and teachers have the confidence to accompany their children to face these problems, and everything is still possible. We are afraid that we lose patience and use emotional responses to cut off the loving connection with our children, once again increasing the pain that children feel in their studies. Don\’t ruin your relationship because of homework. This is the worst thing you can do. There is a sentence in the book \”The Road Less Traveled\”: \”Since my parents are willing to endure the pain with me, the pain is not necessarily so terrible, and it may not be too bad. I should also take responsibility and face the pain. It’s your own pain.” Our love and support are the real starting point for children’s self-discipline. Remember the [like] at the end of the article, I hope we can find a successful method and no longer suffer from the problem of children\’s homework.