Children love to dilly-dally, not because they are disobedient or undisciplined. Here is the fundamental reason. Someone finally explained it.

Do these words sound familiar? Get up quickly, you are going to be late for school. It depends on how you tell the teacher that you are late. Eat quickly, the food will be cold. Hurry up and brush your teeth and go to bed. You will not be able to get up tomorrow morning. How can you be so procrastinating and return your homework? Not finished? Look at you, you\’ve been talking for 20 minutes since you left the house, and you haven\’t even put on your clothes yet. Do you have to talk to your children many times every day? No matter what the child does, do you have to urge the child? Do you always feel that your child is too lazy… What you think of as laziness may not be… A mother said: My child is procrastinating in everything he does. He eats slowly and does homework slowly… I wake up my child every day and wake him up. After I had finished breakfast, I found that the child was still washing. I finally waited until he had breakfast, but it was so slow that it made me panic! Every time I have to urge him, \”Eat quickly, otherwise it will be too late and you will be late. Mom and Dad have already finished eating and have been waiting for you for a long time.\” As a result, he was impatient and sometimes stopped eating. Every morning, it was really like a war, and I really couldn\’t do anything. ➤Analysis: The mother has always complained that her child is slow in doing things. She feels that the child cannot keep up with the pace she requires, so she labels the child as \”dilly-dallying\”, but she has not made it clear: Is it the child who is dawdling, or do you think he is slower? Children\’s life rhythms and circadian rhythms are inherently different from those of adults. They eat and wash slower than us. This is not because they are deliberately dilly-dallying, but because their abilities are limited to this. To determine whether a child is dawdling, we should not use the parent\’s pace as the criterion. The real criterion is the speed of children of the same age. In fact, there is a difference between dawdling and slowness. Slowness may be caused by chronicity or being more careful in doing things, which is related to speed; while dawdling is based on slowness and has the element of reluctance. Another mother said: My child is good at everything, but he is too slow in doing homework! What others can finish in one hour, she can put off in two hours. Every time she writes homework, as long as her writing is slightly uneven, she will erase it and write it again. Two days ago, it was past 10 o\’clock in the evening. I saw that she had not finished her homework, so I told her in a hurry, which made the child cry. Hey, it hurts to see it, but it won’t work if I don’t urge it, and I don’t know how long it will take if I don’t urge it. I also know that she didn\’t do it on purpose or she was just slow-tempered. But every time I see her staying up very late, I can\’t hold back my anger and say something to her, and I regret it after I say it. What should I do? ➤Analysis: The child is not slow-tempered, but more because he pursues perfection too much. And this kind of awareness is the psychological impact that parents have on their children by constantly correcting mistakes, blaming, criticizing, and even tearing up homework. Because they are afraid that they will be scolded and reprimanded by their parents if they do not do their best, children have no self-confidence and always have doubts about their own behavior. Do you know the root causes behind children’s dilly-dallying behavior? 1. Some children are dilly-dallying because they have no sense of time. This is a very common situation, because children don’t know how long the “5 minutes”, “half an hour”, and “1 hour” that adults talk about are. When you shout to your child in a hurry: \”Hurry up, there are still 5 minutesThe clock is late! \”And the child still thinks that 5 minutes is a long time, and continues to do what he should do slowly. In this case, you can use a timer or alarm clock to help make the time concrete. Usually your reminder always says that you should brush your teeth. It\’s time to go to bed. Just talk about things. The child is being commanded by you and doesn\’t even have the concept of time. Replace what you are doing with time and replace it with reminders that have the concept of time. For example: when you ask the child to \”5.\” When \”washing your face in 10 minutes\” or \”writing new words in 10 minutes\”, set the corresponding time; let the children feel how long \”5 minutes\”, \”10 minutes\” and \”half an hour\” are in real life. Parents also You can plan in advance when something happens, for example, if you want to go out, set aside time for the child to delay; and inform the child in advance: we will go out at four o\’clock, and remind the child in advance that we will go out in ten minutes. 2. Yes. The reason why the child is dilly-dallying is because he is not interested in what the parents ask him to do and is deliberately dilly-dallying to express his dissatisfaction. In this case, you need to have a good communication with the child, ask him why he doesn\’t like it, and then discuss it together. See if there is a better solution. Let the children participate and figure out their own solutions. The children can also think of some interesting ways to do some things, such as memorizing the text. . If parents require their children to sit down and memorize, the children may find it boring and not want to memorize, or they may keep dawdling. However, if some interesting memorization methods are used, the children will learn to memorize happily. 3. Some children dawdle. It\’s because of inattention. For example, looking around while doing homework, drinking water and going to the toilet, which seriously affects efficiency. In this case, it is recommended that parents ask their children on the way to school. Make a plan in advance about what homework you want to do first and which one you want to do first. When you get home, you don’t have to rush to ask your children to do their homework. After a day of school, they definitely want to let them relax and rest first. Next, play for a while before starting to do homework, and the willingness to start will be greatly increased. Before doing homework, make sure you eat, drink water, eat fruit, and go to the toilet smoothly, and no longer allow it during homework. Eat at will. Develop good study habits. If you write while eating or playing, the speed will definitely be slower. Parents will think that the child is slowing down. In fact, the mother has not developed good study habits. , ask this and that, interrupt the child frequently, and affect the child\’s concentration. You can also use the Pomodoro time management method to negotiate the time with the child, and use a small alarm clock to write 15-according to the child\’s concentration. After about 30 minutes, start to rest for 5-10 minutes after the alarm goes off. Then do the next round of Pomodoro. As time goes by, the child\’s time planning ability can be gradually improved, the child\’s attention can be protected, and the efficiency can be improved (Pomodoro timer). , depending on the child\’s situation, start with a small goal. For example: if the child has poor concentration, you can start with 10 minutes, and then slowly increase it to 15-20-25, etc. This requires a period of training.) 4. Some children are slow. , because he is competing with you for powerforce. When parents ask their children to do homework, the parents\’ attitude is tough, and the children dare not speak out. But in order to fight for my own rights, I would use the method of \”working hard\”, watching me write homework, but I just grinded and grinded, playing and writing at the same time. At this time, you can give your children more choices, such as: Do you do your homework now, or do you do your homework after playing for 10 minutes? You have to write anyway, right? Make your own choice~ Give your children the limited right to choose. When we give children the choice, they are more willing to do it. 5. Some children dawdle because they feel they have too much homework and are afraid of difficulties. Divide homework and break big goals into small goals so that children can easily complete them one by one. If he takes a lot at one time, he will feel it is very difficult, and he will feel that it is too much, and when will he be able to finish it? He will have no time to play, so he will keep dawdling and does not want to start writing homework. Even if he starts to write, he will still procrastinate because of fear of difficulty. Dilly-dallying. Teach children to categorize homework tasks and plan before writing homework. Whichever one you do first, which one you do later. Just put the current homework assignment on the table, and leave the rest alone, lest the children see a lot of them and get into trouble again. Let the children eliminate them one by one and see their results. You can also make a homework list and make a study plan for the evening. After each one is written, the two of you give a high-five to celebrate, and ask the child to check it off, which will continue to produce a small sense of accomplishment. A good mood can lead to good behavior. With a sense of accomplishment, children will be more motivated and efficient. 6. Some children dawdle because they lack ability. For example: when a child in kindergarten is putting on clothes, his movements are slow because he is not proficient. This is not a delay, so be more patient and let him practice. For example: If you are procrastinating because you don\’t know the homework questions, teach your child to do the simple ones first, put aside the difficult ones, and finally figure out what they don\’t understand. You can also go home and briefly review the content of the day, and then start doing homework after you understand it; you can let your children compile a collection of wrong questions and then practice deliberately, which can effectively improve your child\’s mastery of unskilled knowledge points. There is one thing to know here: textbooks are the foundation and repetition is the key. They originate from textbooks and are higher than textbooks. Be sure to help your children get familiar with the textbook, and it will be much easier to do the questions. 7. Some children dawdle because their parents label them, which amplifies the psychological implications of dawdling. Maybe the child is a little dawdling, and occasionally does well, but the parents\’ frequent criticism amplifies his dawdling. Just saying that my child is dawdling every time, labeling the child as a dawdler, is a psychological implication in the long run. The child will think that I am the dawdling child my mother said, and I dawdle in everything I do. In fact, we can catch the child when he is not dawdling, encourage him, strengthen him positively, and give him a positive feeling. For example: You moved so fast and efficiently today. You finished writing at half past eight, so we have time to tell bedtime stories tonight. 8. Some children dawdle because they have not experienced the natural consequences. For example, if you are late and get criticized by the teacher, your parents will be very anxious. In the end, these things become their parents\’ business. Parents always impose their own experiences and concepts on their children and bear the consequences on their children\’s behalf. usYou can gently remind your children of the consequences of moving too slowly, but it is best to let the children think about the consequences themselves. For example: What will happen if you haven\’t arrived at the training class at 10 o\’clock today? Let the children take the initiative to think about the consequences of being late. Let go of experience, guide cognition, and return the child\’s feelings to the child. When children are given the opportunity to experience, they will learn and grow through the experience. 9. Some children dawdle because they are delicate and refined people by nature. If you are a more sensitive and delicate child, such as the melancholic and calm type, then he will always do things a little slower than others. Because he spends a lot of time observing and thinking, if he is not more than 70% sure, don\’t expect him to do it, he will just wait, which can easily be misunderstood as being dilatory. This type of child must be given time to observe and think. In this way, children are more willing to take active actions. Everyone is lazy, and learning is really a boring, laborious and brain-consuming chore. If parents continue to use a commanding tone to ask their children to do this or that, the message received by the child\’s brain is: being ordered and controlled. When the information received by the brain is \”command\” or \”control\”, the first information output by the brain is actually \”rejection\”, not \”action\”. Therefore, when you order your child to do homework, he is already resisting instinctively and will show dillydally. When communicating, we say this, and children are more willing to cooperate and actively do it: 1. Change \”hurry up\” into \”I hope\”. For example: hurry up, stop dawdling, or we will be late, we have to go to the next place. Become: I hope we can get to the next place in half an hour, so we are almost going to the parking lot now, otherwise we will be too late~ 2. Change the \”you\” information to express the child with \”I\” information It didn\’t sound like I was being ordered, but more willing to participate. Replace \”you want\”, \”how do you\”, \”you should\”… with \”we are together\”, \”we should\”… For example: \”After dinner, you go and do your homework quickly, or you have to write again 10 o\’clock.\” Replace it with: \”We have finished eating now, what should we do next?\” Or hold the child\’s little hand and say, \”Let\’s go do homework~\” For example: \”You go and write Chinese first. Finish it.\” \”Chinese language, hurry up and write math.\” Replace it with: \”What do you want to write first? It\’s up to you. Mom listens to you.\” For example: \”Hurry up and write. Look, what time is it?\” Don’t waste time!”, “Can’t you read the questions more seriously?” Replace them with: “What should we pay attention to when doing homework?” This is to allow children to change from passive acceptance to active thinking. 3. Provide children with choices. For example: if we can go out within 10 minutes, then we will not be late for the movie. If not, we can either skip the previous part or watch it tomorrow. 4. Guide the children to think and find ways to do it faster. It would be better if you can further guide the children to find ways to complete what they need to do on time. The guiding questions can be like this: For example: \”Have you ever thought of any way to make it faster?\” Before 8 o\’clockCan you go out? ” Or: “Have you ever thought about how you can finish your homework efficiently and quickly? This way you will have time to play more~\” Correct your perception and give correct guidance. When you think that your child is procrastinating on homework because he has a bad attitude towards learning, in fact, this perception is wrong. With this kind of perception, you will Think it\’s the child\’s problem. When you think it\’s the child\’s problem, you will involuntarily blame him. Your language, habits, and behavior will all make you blame him. Over time, you will be disappointed with these mistakes. Language, behavior, and attitude will lead to negative consequences for children in the long run. In fact, the process of children giving up on themselves is actually the process of parents being constantly disappointed with their children. On the other hand, the process of parents being constantly disappointed with their children is also the process of children. The process of self-abandonment. In the final analysis, it is due to our wrong educational concepts. We always focus on the child\’s attitude and behavior, keep urging him, or even yell at him and beat him, but ignore the needs behind the behavior when we slow down. Follow your footsteps, correct your misconceptions, put aside the problem of dilly-dallying, and understand the needs behind your child\’s behavior. Look at this problem from more perspectives, and understand the reasons why your child is dawdling, and your heart will become softer. Therefore, there are more directions for solving problems to help children overcome dillydally!