Children never make big mistakes but keep making small mistakes. What should we do?

In the evening, Xiaoyuer came back listlessly, without the happiness and excitement of the past. He whispered to me: \”Mom, I don\’t want to eat tonight.\” I touched his head: \”Baby, it\’s not a big deal, it\’s just a pair of glasses. Mom has already told the teacher, how much does it cost?\” Pay it to others.\” When Xiao Yu\’er heard this, his eyes instantly lit up: \”Hey, you know everything.\” Before school, Xiao Yu\’er\’s teacher called me and said that some children were in the corridor during recess. During the fight, Xiao Yu\’er and Zhiming broke another classmate\’s glasses. Xiao Yu\’er lowered his head again: \”Those eyes cost more than a thousand yuan, which is very expensive.\” I smiled: \”It doesn\’t matter, you have to give it to others. Every time you do something wrong, you have to pay the price. So. You must be careful when playing with others in the future.\” He nodded. Sitting at the dining table, he said to me again: \”Mom, thank you. After school, I saw Zhiming\’s mother scolding Zhiming in front of her classmates. Zhiming was scolded and cried. I thought you would scold me too. , thank you, mom.\” Every mistake is an opportunity for the child to grow. In terms of children\’s psychological development, their evaluation of good and bad behavior, right and wrong, often comes from authority figures. To them, we are the number one authority. When they make mistakes and go astray, our criticism is a simple and common way of education, which can help them clarify the boundaries of their behavior and understand the rights and wrongs of their behavior, so that they will not make the same mistake again and again. But many times, our criticism of children does not achieve our goals, but instead becomes a shadow in their hearts and even affects their lives. 1. Let children misunderstand our love. In \”Where Are We Going, Dad 1\”, although Guo Tao\’s son Shitou is only six years old, he is calm, kind and responsible, and is deeply loved by everyone. But children always make mistakes. One day at noon, when he was eating noodles, he spilled soup on his clothes, and in the evening he spilled water on the quilt. Guo Tao reprimanded him and even pushed the stone out of the door: \”If you don\’t want to participate in the show, you can leave now! \”Shitou\’s face turned red and he remained silent. In the later \”Truth Talk\” segment, the program team asked him, and he said: Dad just doesn\’t love me when he is cruel. Too harsh criticism will cause panic in the child: Mom (Dad) doesn’t love me anymore. 2. It is easy to suffer from anticipatory anxiety. A few days ago, I took a high-speed train to go to another place. Opposite me was a mother and her son. After the mother got in the car, she went to the bathroom. The child started eating snacks when he sat down. After a while, he picked up the can and opened the ring. There was a \”bang\” and the coke splashed everywhere. I quickly avoided it, but my clothes were still splashed. Some, the shirts are dotted with light brown traces. The child\’s mother happened to see this scene from across the aisle and screamed \”Ouch!\” When the child looked back, his face suddenly turned pale, his eyes were closed tightly, his eyebrows were furrowed, and his whole body was trembling slightly involuntarily. When he heard his mother\’s voice, instead of finding support, he became even more nervous and frightened. Why is the child so scared when the mother does nothing? There is a kind of anticipatory anxiety in psychology: individuals feel that what is about to happen will have the worst outcome, but they will not face it actively, but wait passively. People with anticipatory anxiety disorder are prone to worry, tension andFear creates a character of low self-esteem, suspicion, timidity, and poor adaptability. Once children make mistakes, they will be criticized severely and beyond their psychological endurance, which can easily lead to expectant anxiety. It is not easy for such children to succeed when they grow up. Even if they succeed, their mental state will not be healthy. Sure enough, when the mother came over, she cursed her and became angrier. She even recounted the child\’s wrongdoings a long time ago, and in the end even hit her a few times. 3. Indiscriminate criticism can easily make children rebellious. In \”2017 Metamorphosis\”, Zheng Zihao, an internet-addicted boy, said nothing when faced with his father\’s criticism. At most, he responded with a few \”um um ah ah\”. The program crew asked him why he didn\’t answer. He said: I think he is sick. I pretended to listen, but actually didn’t listen at all. Ever since I was little, he never believed me no matter what I did. Whenever something happens, he always scolds me indiscriminately. I didn\’t bother to explain to him, and I didn\’t want to listen to what he had to say. Children will copy many of their parents\’ problems. What you do to me, I will do to you. Things in this world often come in cycles. Ask questions first and then provide criticism and education. This is the basic principle for solving children\’s mistakes. We often think that criticism and education should be carried out anytime and anywhere. Once we find that a child has made a mistake, we must criticize and educate him immediately, otherwise it will be ineffective as time goes by. But in fact, it\’s not. Educator Makarenko told us: \”Criticism is not only a means, but also an art and a kind of wisdom.\” 1. Don’t blame your children in public. The famous British educator John Locke once said: \”When parents criticize their children in public, the children will feel that their reputation has been severely hit, and thus lose confidence and do not want to defend their reputation.\” A friend said : In the fifth grade, I was joking with my classmate and accidentally pushed him to the ground, causing his knee to bleed. The teacher informed my mother. When my mother came, she stood at the door of the class and yelled at me. I stood there and felt ridiculed and sarcastic from all directions. From that day on, I felt that I couldn\’t hold my head high among my classmates. From the perspective of children\’s psychological development, children before the age of 12 are a critical period for eliminating their sense of inferiority. We are the authority of our children, and criticizing them in public will make them doubt their abilities and distrust themselves. As a result, the inherent inferiority in their hearts will not only be unable to be eliminated, but will be expanded, and they will be shrouded in the shadow of inferiority throughout their lives. 2. Don’t criticize your children because they don’t meet your expectations. In \”2017 Metamorphosis\”, the rebellious boy Liu Yiming came back drunk in the middle of the night. He faced his parents who were scolding him and said: Did I eat well and dress warmly outside? Nuan, you haven\’t asked because I didn\’t meet your expectations. He cried: If you think you have bad grades, you just can\’t do it, and you are a bad boy… As long as anything happens, it will be my responsibility. When you were young, you beat me and scolded me, always trying to turn me into the person you wanted. Have you considered my psychological feelings? Parents asked: We gave you food, clothing, and use for you. Liu Yiming said: Did you give me love? Do you know what love is? We often expect our children to be what we want them to be. But the child doesn\’t want this. They are born free and independent. usexpectations cannot be imposed on them. If they push too hard, they will eventually lose themselves or become rebellious. Accept everything about them, and we will discover what a beautiful and lovely child God has given us. 3. Don’t get angry when criticized. At noon, I met my neighbor Fang and her child Lily at the gate of the community. Fang asked Lily to call me aunt, but the child didn’t speak. Fang began to teach her child to be polite, but the more she talked, the more angry she became, and then she pinched the child hard. The child cried. The ultimate purpose of criticism is to let children know what is right and wrong. Once we get angry, our children will feel our negative emotions and the meaning of criticism will be lost. When you are angry, be patient and don\’t criticize and educate your children with negative emotions, so that the education will be effective. 4. Clarify the consequences of making mistakes. We often criticize children: You are wrong, and you are not allowed to do this again in the future… But we do not tell them why they are wrong and what are the consequences of their mistakes. Many times, children make mistakes because they don’t know what consequences their actions will have. From the perspective of children\’s psychological development, children often only judge right and wrong based on the consequences of their behavior. Let children learn to take responsibility for making mistakes, which will form an indelible memory in their hearts and greatly reduce the chance of making the same mistake again. 5. Give comfort. Psychological research has found that when a child does something wrong, he feels guilty, but when his parents blame him, his feeling of guilt will be reduced or even disappear, because he feels that he has been punished; On the contrary, if the parents maintain appropriate silence, the children will be nervous and will further reflect on their mistakes. Just like what the little fish said at the beginning of the article. We should tell them: \”Everyone makes mistakes, and if they can correct themselves, they are all good children…\” Giving the child a big hug not only comforts the child, but also tells the child: Mom and Dad love you very much. This hug will make the child full of confidence and not be depressed by this criticism. 6. Do not criticize your children at the following points. The good or bad mood in the morning before going to school will directly affect the child\’s condition throughout the day. Don\’t criticize your children in the morning so they can be in a good mood throughout the day. If you educate your children while eating, their appetite will be greatly affected, and they may even become resistant to eating. Criticizing children before going to bed at night will cause them to have great mood swings and make them in a state of excitement, making it difficult to fall asleep or even suffer from insomnia, which is very detrimental to the development of children. No one is perfect, and no gold is pure. We are not perfect, let alone children? Give your children time to grow up and allow them to slowly improve themselves as they grow up. We must always believe that our child is an excellent and lovely child, and time will eventually carve them into a towering tree.