Children talk to their parents about \”everything\” because their parents have done these 4 things (good in-depth article)

Has anyone noticed it? Every child is a curious baby when they are young. They have a hundred thousand whys in their minds and ask their parents non-stop every day. But as children grow older, the communication between parents and children in many families becomes less and less. A father complained: \”The WeChat chat page between me and my daughter only contains transfer information.\” Writer Mai Jia once revealed: \”For three years, my adolescent son did not say a word to me.\” This situation is not unique. A survey of 20,870 primary and secondary school students showed that only 26.73% of the children wanted to tell their parents the most when they had something to say, and this proportion showed a gradual downward trend as the children grew older. A psychological expert said bluntly that parents who do not understand parent-child communication have become \”dumb\” because they are talkative. Why do children have less and less to say to their parents? Ye Yiqian once complained on Weibo that every conversation she had with her daughter Sendie was ending. Parents only see their children being rebellious, indifferent, and disobedient, but they do not realize that it is not their parents who are resisting, but their inappropriate communication methods. First, some parents don’t have the awareness to listen. Behind every child who is unwilling to tell, there is a parent who will not listen. Their subconscious does not treat the child as an independent individual, nor does they care about the child\’s feelings. Writer Mai Jia and her son are drifting apart, and the trigger is a slap. When his son got into a fight with his classmates, the teacher called the Mai family to school. The Mai family didn\’t ask the reason and just slapped their son in the face. After returning home, the son closed the door to his room and at the same time closed the door of his heart towards his father. It was the Mai family who personally broke the communication bridge between him and his children. The 2018 \”National Family Education Situation Survey Report\” shows that when children feel disrespected by their parents, \”When I do something wrong, parents always criticize me without listening to the explanation\”, \”Parents never listen carefully to what I say. \”Always interrupt me after speaking\” accounts for a large proportion. Communication is a two-way street. If one party blocks its ears, the other party simply shuts its mouth. Secondly, some parents’ communication methods are too rough. Writer Qumai once shared on Weibo her mother\’s first reaction after learning that she was impotent. This is a typical Chinese parent-child communication, which lacks empathy and acceptance, but habitually denies and ignores the child\’s feelings. There are many similar situations: \”A kid at school bullied me.\” \”Did he only bully you? You have to find the reason within yourself.\” \”The teacher told a joke in class, it was so funny.\” \”It\’s useless for you. But I was so excited that I didn’t do anything serious!” “I accidentally fell down on the way to school.” “You must have been bad at walking. You deserved it for making trouble with your classmates!” These judgments, denials, and scoldings are nothing. It\’s not about communication. There is a monologue in the movie \”Kids Are Not Stupid 2\”: \”Adults often think that they are communicating with us by talking a lot to us. In fact, they are just talking to themselves, which makes them happy.\” Children take the initiative to communicate with people close to them and reveal their own feelings. I hope they can feel the same emotions as me. But parents ignore their children\’s truest inner thoughts, hinting to their children that \”you are not good enough\”, forcing their children to close the door to their hearts step by step, and ruining a relationship that should have been very tender.relation. Parents who don\’t know how to communicate well raise taciturn children. Crosstalk actor Yu Qian was once asked: \”What are you most afraid of your son saying to you?\” He replied: \”You are most afraid that he will leave without saying anything because you don\’t understand him. Don\’t enter his world. \”Huang Lei also said: \”It\’s not terrible to make mistakes, but not to communicate with your parents.\” Teacher Zhao Yuping of \”Baijia Forum\” told a case. The child walked out of the room to drink water, and the mother asked: \”Son, have you finished your homework?\” The child became furious after hearing this: \”Can you stop asking?\” The mother found Teacher Zhao: \”I didn\’t say anything, why did he explode? After communicating with the child, Teacher Zhao got another version of parent-child communication: the mother asked the child \”Have you finished your homework\” every day, even several times a day. If the child answers \”I\’ve finished writing,\” the mother will say: \”After finishing writing, you just sit on the sofa in a daze? Are you going to do a few exercises and memorize a few words? I push you to move every time. Are you? \”Study for me?\” If the child answers \”Not finished\”, the mother will say: \”Why don\’t you finish writing and sit on the sofa in a daze? I push you to move.\” \”Should I learn?\” No matter how the child answered, he was met with a scolding, so the child was very reluctant to communicate with his mother. Dr. Marshall Luxemburg, the author of \”Nonviolent Communication\” once said: Evaluation, blaming, and orders are all forms of violent communication, which will cause children to suffer invisible \”spiritual violence.\” I have seen a case in which 15-year-old Xiao Tao was subjected to school violence. He asked his parents for help to no avail, and finally chose to commit suicide. Seeing that he listed the evil deeds of bullies in his suicide note, his parents regretted it. One month before the tragedy, Xiao Tao, who had been boarding at school, suddenly returned home and told his parents that he had suffered school violence. However, Xiaotao\’s parents did not immediately stand up to defend their son. Instead, they believed that adults did not need to intervene in the petty quarrels between classmates, and scolded their son for skipping school and going home without permission. In desperation, Xiao Tao chose to commit suicide by taking poison. Family is the warmest haven for children, so why do parents become the last straw for their children? When faced with truant children, if parents can listen to their children, be aware of their children\’s fears, and patiently comfort them, will that change their children\’s choices? Wang Shuo once said to his daughter: \”I will tolerate whatever you do, and you will do nothing wrong with me.\” He clearly knew that children often communicate with their parents not to find answers, but to need emotional acceptance. A child who suffered school violence and went home to ask his parents for help but was not believed, how desperate must he be for the world? The book \”Embracing the Inner Child\” says: \”Parents who turn a blind eye to their children\’s emotional reactions are denying their children\’s emotional value, which will bring frustration and confusion to their children\’s self-perception.\” A parent who doesn\’t feel the same way Children who fall in love are the ones who truly fall into the abyss of despair, with no final way out. Only when children talk to their parents can education be effective. He Lingfeng, a doctor of psychology, believes: \”If you can maintain a normal relationship with your child, you will have influence on him.\” If the parent-child relationship is not good, all educational methods will be useless. How do parents talk to their children?, what kind of parent-child relationship you have. A foreign video of a father skateboarding with his daughter went viral, and netizens said it was a \”textbook-like tutorial on parent-child communication.\” First, accept your child’s feelings. The little girl tried a new move for the first time and accidentally fell. The father did not scold or ridicule, but immediately hugged his daughter and gently asked her how she felt: \”Are you scared, or do you feel pain?\” The little girl replied: \”It hurts.\” After confirming that his daughter was only hurt by being thrown, the father Start empathic communication: \”This action is cool, you know? Sometimes you just fall, it\’s normal.\” If you want to open your children\’s hearts and promote a better parent-child relationship, parents should control their mouths and accept How the child feels. Only in this way can parents break the silence and listen to the deep voice of their children. Second, respect your children’s choices. The daughter said again: \”What if I fall again? I\’m scared, but I really want to try.\” The father did not blindly ask the child to complete it, but let the daughter make her own choice: \”Sometimes the difficult challenge is It just makes you feel scared. You don’t have to do this action, it’s entirely up to you. “Respect is the prerequisite for communication. Only when parents ask their children’s thoughts with an equal attitude will they actively move towards better things. Efforts in the direction. The purpose of education is not to win the child, but to win the child. If the parents respect him, he will respect you. Third, support your child’s behavior. Before his daughter continued to try, the father explained to her the essentials of the action in detail and said, \”I will protect you throughout the process.\” Many times, children do not dare to try because they lack a sense of security. The help and support of parents can eliminate the child\’s inner timidity and then take a brave step. Fourth, encourage children to try. My daughter still couldn\’t do this action well and was a little discouraged. Her father said to her: \”After you fell down, you stood up again and overcame the fear of falling. This is really good.\” The process of parents praising their children is to spread confidence and courage into their children\’s hearts. process. But when praising their children, many parents often don\’t do it right. Instead of praising their children for being brave, they praise their children for being awesome. A test from Stanford University proved that children who are praised for their IQ are afraid to try more difficult tasks; while children who are praised for their efforts are often more willing to challenge more difficult tasks. By praising a child for being smart, he or she will attribute success to talent, which can easily lead to the child not daring to take on challenges in order to avoid failure. The girl, who was praised by her father for \”doing a good job overcoming her fear\”, tried a few more times and finally succeeded. The father in the video accepts and understands his child\’s feelings, respects and supports his child\’s choices, and sees and affirms his child\’s efforts. This textbook-like process is worth learning by all parents. I have read a sentence, \”Every child dances on the tip of their parents\’ tongues.\” When parents stop blaming, see their children\’s feelings, and sincerely express expectations, children will open their hearts to their parents and get closer to them step by step. Become close friends who talk to each other about everything. The best support parents can give their children is a loving family; only children who feel surrounded by love will have the confidence to face their future lives.Storm on the road!