Children who become sensible too early have a cruel way of being educated!

In \”Qi Pa Shuo\”, Xiao Xiao has a ridiculous saying about \”sensible\”: \”Don\’t think that being sensible is a compliment. Why do people know how to be sensible? It\’s because they are forced by the environment and have no other choice. He must be sensible. He finally Don\’t ask me for requests that are beyond your ability, he is sensible! So, other people\’s family of three is a harmonious and happy family, while our family is an extremely sensible family.\” A seemingly illogical paragraph The words actually express the helplessness behind \”sensible\”. Just as there is a very fashionable explanation on the Internet for \”children become sensible too early\”: \”Prematurely pay attention to the feelings of others, use the adult world principles to weigh the pros and cons and ignore your own wishes, thereby losing the wantonness and willfulness of this age group. rights.\” I remember one time I took my children to play in the park. Two children of similar age were seen fighting over a toy. One had a bad temper, cried and screamed, and kept clamoring for the other\’s toys. As for the other one, he was calm and silent, but the toy was tightly held in his hand. When the two children were in a stalemate, one of the mothers pulled the calm-tempered child aside and taught her earnestly: \”You have always been the best and the most sensible. What happened today? You must know how to share with the children. \” Seeing that the child didn\’t speak, she became a little anxious, and started to coerce and coax: \”Give it to him quickly, or mommy won\’t like you. Give her the toy, and mommy will buy you biscuits, okay?\” That\’s how she behaved. The calm child reluctantly gave the other person his favorite toy. Then she received compliments from people around her: \”This child is really sensible and a good child!\” Then her mother also showed a satisfied smile. This scene is so familiar. The child clearly loves the toy, but in order to make his mother happy and make her like him, he has to bear the pain and give up. This kind of thing often happens to me too. We always think that only when children are labeled as \”sensible\” can they become the \”other people\’s children\” that others call them. However, the vanity of parents swallows up the child\’s \”authentic self\” nature. In fact, children\’s sensibleness is nothing more than hiding their own wishes to make others feel comfortable and to suppress themselves. Just like a question that received much attention on Zhihu: \”Are children who become sensible too early happy?\” Many netizens\’ answers resonated with me. \”Sensible children mostly have delicate minds and sensitive personalities. Such characteristics allow them to feel many different things. They can understand what is the right thing to do for themselves in various circumstances, and for the people around them , they are more willing to sacrifice some of their emotions or material things to fulfill others.\” \”I have heard this saying, someone will hurt you if you are arrogant, and you will be struck by lightning if you are sensible.\” \”Of course, naughty children are happier than sensible children.\” So it is not difficult for us to see that even in the eyes of adults, sometimes willful and ignorant people can still get happiness when satisfying their own wishes, let alone a child with an immature mind! Just like the article \”Sensible Children Are the Most Poor\” said: \”Children who cry are given candy, while children who are sensible onlyBe able to complete tasks seriously, abide by the rules, and use perfect performance to win candies. Sensible children are always well-behaved and make people feel bad. \”Yin Jianli told such a story in her book \”A Good Mother is Better than a Good Teacher\”. There is a little girl who has always been a well-behaved and sensible child in her mother\’s heart. She did not cry even when she went to kindergarten for the first time. She also helped the teacher comfort other children and wiped their tears. Therefore, she won the \”Weekly Star\” of the small class in the first week of entering the kindergarten. But not long after, the teacher still talked to the mother of the child and said, \”Your child is different from other children.\” She has a very strong self-esteem and is overly cautious in doing things. She is not in line with the characteristics of this age group and appears to be too \”mature and sensible\”. The teacher would be surprised if she said it. For example: During lunch, the teacher did not say that she ate slowly, but she saw that she ate slowly. When the teacher came over, he said: \”Teacher, I\’m working hard to eat. I will eat well. Come on!\” \”Also: When sleeping in the afternoon, other children ask the teacher to pat them, hoping that the teacher will coax them. But she will say: \”Teacher, you have worked very hard and are very tired. You don\’t need to pat me anymore.\” \”The teacher could see from the child\’s eyes that the child was actually eager to be patted and noticed, but she did not say it directly, but chose to express it in a roundabout way. Finally, the class teacher in the kindergarten also said to the child\’s mother: \”I have been teaching for 20 years, and I have never seen a child like this, who neither cries nor makes a fuss, is so good at reading faces and trying to please others. At such a young age, this is too hard and stressful, which is not good for future growth. \”After hearing what the teacher said, this child\’s mother couldn\’t help but break out in a cold sweat. She never realized that being \”sensible\” was such a terrible thing. She even thought that her children never cried and asked for things from her. What a good thing. Looking at it today, she realized that she was so cruel to her child. After the child\’s mother returned home, she calmly thought about it and reflected on her family education over the years. On the one hand, she was originally a person who liked to please. The servility in the character is learned by the children. Another reason is the mother who always takes care of the children. The mother is a relatively strong and domineering person, and even the mother has the final say in their family affairs. The mother is particularly strict with the children and has no Not scolding a child for a day has caused the child to look at his grandmother\’s face since he was a child. To give a very simple example, if a mother and her daughter have a conflict, the mother will eventually use violence to make the child surrender. Over time, in order not to make the grandmother angry, the child will He became very well-behaved. The child\’s mother regretted not fulfilling her mother\’s responsibility to her child all these years. Since then, she has taken the child to her side and taken care of it herself. The child\’s appearance is calm and steady, and his words are mature and sophisticated. It\’s disturbing. Just like a big tree with fragile roots, it can be blown down by the wind at any time, and the blooming flowers wither in the scorching sun. It should be an age when she can express her nature freely, but she is forced to give up herself in order to cater to others. As time goes by, she will realize When her own needs are no longer important, then when she is at an age when she should be able to freely coordinate external needs and self-needs, she will blindly cater to them without any opinion. What can parents do to prevent their children from being forced to be sensible when they are growing up? ?First respect the child’s nature, don’t impose adults’ wishes on children. In daily life, we must consider issues from the child\’s perspective, experience the child\’s true feelings, be more understanding and tolerant of the child, and be less reprimanded and condemned. If a child has a request for his parents, such as buying some toys that he likes very much, or where he wants to go to play. Parents can use their discretion to accommodate their children\’s wishes. Parents try to avoid crying in front of their children, especially when their children want to buy something. This is very important in children\’s growth. If a child is troubled by money at a carefree age, he or she will be prone to low self-esteem and insecurity. Parents should not use \”their children are sensible\” as a way to show off, or use it as a condition to satisfy their children\’s wishes. Over time, children will aim to be \”sensible\” just to get praise and appreciation from their parents. Time always passes by inadvertently, and I still clearly remember the interesting childhood stories caused by being free-range when I was a child. I don’t know since when, in order to show off their children’s “sensible”, parents deprived their children of the rights that should belong to them, and even kidnapped their children morally. So Wu Zhihong said: \”It is really not a good thing to be sensible or to have deep despair. On the surface, it brings trouble-free benefits to parents, but maybe deep down, it is because of fear – \”Don\’t cause trouble.\” Otherwise…\” Grasp the child\’s sense of propriety, let the child grow up freely, and let him only know what he should know.