Children who have been over-disciplined have lost the meaning of life

Little Ou is my uncle\’s child. When my aunt gave birth to three girls in a row, she was extremely disliked by her grandmother and uncle. It wasn\’t until Little Ou was born that her mother\’s status improved rapidly and she became a hero in the family. From then on, she put all her thoughts on Xiaoou. If the three sisters bully Xiaoou, she will beat and scold her like a shrew. She will cling to Xiaoou wherever there is delicious food and fun at home. She was there to check everything Xiaoou did. Even when she drank water, she had to taste it in advance to see if it was hot to the lips. We have known since childhood that we can definitely see our aunt around Xiaoou. We didn\’t dare to quarrel with Xiaoou casually, because my aunt would really get mad and beat the child. Auntie raised Little Ou like a personal nanny. From when she was a child, she decided who to play with, what clothes to wear, to what training class to attend and what hairstyle to wear when she grew up. What impressed me most was that one time I stayed at their house during the summer vacation. Before taking a bath every day, my aunt would adjust the temperature of the bath water for him in advance. I was not used to it, so I casually said: My brother is fifteen years old, can he do these things by himself? The aunt said nonchalantly: He is still a child. I can do something for him now. After saying that, he handed Xiaoou a towel as he walked towards the bathroom. Xiaoou has a cowardly character, has no independent opinions, has poor academic performance, and has poor ability to take care of himself. After graduating from high school, I reluctantly attended a higher vocational college. After entering the society, I worked in administration and human resources. Each job lasted less than three months. He also prepared to pass the teacher and civil servant examinations, but in the end he accomplished nothing. He simply didn\’t want to go out to work anymore, so he became an old man at home, receiving monthly living expenses from his aunt and his three sisters. On the contrary, the three sisters who were \”left alone\” without the care of their aunt were each more promising than the other. After graduating from medical school, my eldest sister was admitted to a city hospital and earned a good salary. The second sister stayed in Beijing and worked as a screenwriter, earning tens of thousands of dollars per episode. The third sister has a lively personality but does not like to study. She runs a wholesale wine business at home. She also has a car and a house, and her life is enjoyable. When I\’m with Xiaoou, I can\’t always feel the vitality of young people. He always looks depressed and has no interest in doing anything. Whether it\’s eating or going out to play, when we ask for his opinion, he always says: Whatever happens. Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: The meaning of a life lies in choice. Only by constantly making choices for one\’s own life can one be considered alive. So what is the meaning of the chosen life? As a parent, I can\’t find the meaning of life, so I pin my hopes on the next generation, discipline my next generation, link by link, and pin my hopes on my children, but I never grow or change. Over-disciplined parents cast their care into an iron cage to restrict their children\’s freedom. They are like helicopters hovering over their children\’s heads, saying to their children\’s behavior: No, no, you must do this. Some parents always adhere to this concept: Everything I say and do is for your own good. If you don\’t listen to me, you will definitely suffer. Therefore, they do everything possible to prevent their children from doing things according to their own will, and they threaten them with death at every turn. Children raised in this way do not dare to insist on their own views and opinions and are prone to compromise., pay too much attention to what others are thinking, and lose your own opinions. We often hear our parents say: I do all this for my children. In other words: children must listen to their parents. So we see that many Chinese parents have been helping their children make choices. Just as I was about to go to bed at night, my cousin suddenly called me. I was wondering why she had such an urgent call at such a late hour. When the call was answered, she cried and said: Teacher Qiaoqiao called today and said that Qiaoqiao has been unable to concentrate in class recently and her academic performance has also declined. I couldn\’t help but criticize him a few words, and Qiaoqiao actually said that she hated her mother! My cousin said that she was really heartbroken, thinking about her children at all times, but in the end she was rejected by her children. I cried to my brother-in-law, who also helped the child. The more I thought about it, the sadder it became, and I couldn\’t sleep in the middle of the night. Without my cousin saying anything, I can guess what she said when scolding Qiao Qiao, which is nothing more than: Who do you think I am for? Isn’t it just to make you suffer less in the future? ! You are so disturbing! If you don’t study hard, what will you do in the future? If you don\’t learn piano or painting, you will definitely regret it in the future! …My cousin’s behavior is related to her growth experience when she was a child. My cousin didn\’t study well since she was a child, and her family didn\’t pay much attention to her. Later, she dropped out of school early to work. From then on, no matter what happened, whether I was promoted because I was restricted by my academic qualifications, or was laughed at by my colleagues because I didn’t know English, etc., my cousin would habitually say: If I had gone to school well, I wouldn’t be like this today. She didn\’t want this regret to happen to her children again, so she was extremely strict with Qiaoqiao. From an early age, I have been required to be better than others in everything, to walk earlier than others, to speak earlier than others, and to be more polite than others. He started learning primary school Chinese and mathematics in kindergarten, and enrolled in calligraphy classes, English classes, and painting classes on weekends. The child\’s life was taken care of by his cousin. The childhood that should have been relaxed and happy was filled with various study classes in the name of improvement. I reminded my cousin many times that children’s learning can be focused. For example, if a child likes English, let him improve more. If a child doesn’t like drawing, let him slow down and draw as he pleases to offset his resistance. mood. Also, he likes to play football. You might as well set aside a fixed time every day for your child to hold the ball and kick it, and exercise. But because my cousin had her obsession in her heart, she couldn\’t listen to all these words. So I am not surprised at all when this happens today. It is natural for parents to educate their children responsibly, but education does not mean control. Education is about allowing children to grow and mature freely. Be a parent who provides appropriate guidance and points your children in the right direction. When a child has a problem, we should pursue the root cause of the problem instead of blindly blaming and reasoning dryly. This will only make the child feel ununderstood and alienated. Yu Minhong said: We parents must have the ability to not only urge our children to make progress under any circumstances, but also keep their self-esteem from being harmed. You have to make sure that your child is happy when he comes first, and he is also happy when he comes last. You have to make your child feel that living in the world is wonderful. Cultivating your child\’s love for life is one of the most important tasks of a parent. Cultivating children’s love for life is often something we as parents tend to neglect.Yes, we always focus on competition and excellence. It seems that the purpose of living is to get ahead. In order to live a decent life, one must live better than others. Under the guidance of parents, children focus all their attention on working hard and pleasing adults, but often lose the ability to experience happiness. Or they are over-protected, fail to develop the ability to adapt to society, and become parasites. This excessive behavior of depriving children of their freedom to grow makes them lose themselves and their independence. The thinker Rousseau once said: You are afraid that he will waste his childhood without doing anything. What is waste? Isn\’t happiness nothing? Isn’t running and jumping all day nothing? Paving all the roads for him, making all plans for his future, clearing all obstacles for him, ruthlessly depriving children of the right to experience and grow, there is no meaning in the existence of such a life. As children grow up, parents\’ nurturing and discipline are the things that point them in a good general direction. But at every stage of a child\’s growth, we should give the child appropriate autonomy according to his ability and cognitive level, give him the right to choose, and give him the opportunity to experience. The growth of a child is the process of turning a cocoon into a butterfly. When he grows, we can only provide him with a good environment, care for him, guide him, and encourage him, but we cannot grow for him. Because although you have good intentions and cut off the cocoon shell, you may break the child\’s wings to fly.