Children who have no \”opinion\” are the most terrifying

From childhood to adulthood, our parents have required us to be obedient and sensible, and plan our future step by step. In school, if the teacher feels that a child\’s academic level is not very top-notch, but if the child is well-behaved and obedient, the teacher will think that the child is \”teachable\” and will prefer such a student. But the older I get, the more I realize that blindly \”obedient\” is actually a poison mixed with anesthetic effects, which can sometimes be very harmful to people. What many people lack in their development path is independent thinking, and they are unable to be a productive person. An \”opinionated\” person. I have a cousin who has been a role model for us children since she was a child. I heard that she can do multiplication by the time she is 4 years old. My cousin and aunt are both high-level intellectuals and they attach great importance to their daughter. My cousin is also quite well-behaved. When we were crazy kids who played outside every day and came home dirty with our clothes, she was in sharp contrast to us. She had excellent academic performance since she was a child, and was both good in character and academics. , a good student in the eyes of a teacher is the kind of child whose parents have less to worry about. However, as the days passed, by the time she reached high school, she actually felt that she could not keep up with her studies. Because her cousin wanted her to go to college but was afraid of not getting enough scores, she applied for a department that required the least scores – the Department of Chemistry. She got her wish and was admitted to a key university in Shanghai. However, after starting college, I found that all kinds of discomforts emerged. For example, after moving into the college dormitory, I realized that all the girls in the dormitory are the treasures of the family, and no one has the obligation to let her be like their own family; basic She doesn\’t know how to get along with others at all, so her relationship with other girls in the dormitory is very tense. Speaking of academics, although my cousin had better academic performance since she was a child and was favored by teachers, it was only after she entered college that she discovered that everyone studied well, and the best among the best was the best. Because her cousin chose the chemistry department for her, which she didn\’t like, she struggled more and more to study, and she failed the class in the end. She was also laughed at by the girls in the dormitory, saying that she had no ability to study at all. This had a great impact on her development and caused her to suffer from depression, so that she had to drop out of school and go home. At this point, it can be said that my cousin’s choice of college major was due to her “obedience” to her uncle’s instructions and she chose the wrong major. In fact, the entire college stage did not enjoy the happiness that ordinary college students should have. Instead of discovering what she likes and wants in her heart, she went to school in a daze according to her parents\’ wishes. The result was one can imagine how she would be good after studying. Logically speaking, everyone should be relieved that she later resumed her studies after taking a year off and graduated successfully. But the strange thing is that my cousin did not make any corrections or think about it in the rest of her life. At that time, after graduation, she did not want to engage in any chemistry-related job, so her family suggested that she study abroad. However, when it came to choosing a major to study abroad, an amazing historical moment reappeared; her cousin did not know what to choose. She also asked her cousin for advice. She thought her brother was good at learning computers and suggested that she also learn computers, saying it was popular. She was still very obedient and applied for the computer science exam. From now on she is lifeI really fell into a trap. First, it was very difficult to learn computers and I failed all kinds of subjects. Later, I couldn\’t find a job after graduation. I listened to my father and decided to stay abroad and die. He basically didn\’t work for two years and relied on government relief to survive. He didn\’t return to China until he was almost 40 years old. With the help of her family, she hurriedly found a husband. Just a few months after getting married, she found out she was pregnant and immediately quit her job and stayed at home. Until now, her children have gone to school, and now she is 40 years old, but she still stays at home and does not go out to work. Her husband always complains about her poor housework, low ability, etc. Sometimes I really don’t understand why my cousin complained twice that her uncle didn’t choose a good major for her. Isn’t she the one who knows her best? How could you not know what you like and not choose a major based on your own ideas and preferences? Facing my 40-year-old cousin, I was thinking that the cousin who was both good in character and academics and whom everyone envied when we were children was just like this in the end. Looking at my cousin\’s life, the biggest problem is not that her uncle chose the wrong major for her, but that she does not have the analytical ability to think independently, is too lack of opinion, listens too much to her parents, and fails to choose a suitable development path for herself, which leads to today\’s situation. the result of. I saw an article two days ago and discovered that since 2003, there has been a group of parents who have been completely obsessed with the charm of \”Chinese Studies\” and believe that the current school education is useless, the schoolwork is stressful and delays their children, and they take their children away from it. He dropped out of elementary school and was sent to a private school to study ancient Chinese. The key point is that the qualifications of these schools are not formal. Some schools are deliberately built in the mountains. Some houses are built on the top of the mountain. In winter, the inside is leaky for children to study. They call it \”hard work\”. Some teachers are just pretending. However, the children were memorized while shaking their heads, and it was stipulated that they had to memorize 100,000 and 200,000 words or more to be considered an intermediate entry level, and the children were not explained at all what the contents of the ancient texts they were memorizing meant. In fact, these unqualified teachers are cheating by teaching in private schools. They don\’t even know the ancient Chinese knowledge, and they still teach students. The key is that some parents are willing to pay a high price and quit their jobs to go to the mountains to study with them. When the reporter interviewed some students who had continued this kind of education for 10 years and were 20 years old, but the students thought that they had not learned any knowledge during these years of \”hard study\”, the student\’s mother confessed with tears in her eyes, feeling that I have taken my children from home to other provinces for so many years and learned nothing. I feel so sorry for my children. I find it strange that the parents are ignorant, and the children have not had any ideas for so many years? If you can\’t learn knowledge, do you still blindly obey the wishes of teachers and parents? In life, we encounter too many self-righteous parents who think they don’t understand their children, do not communicate with them, and make various life plans for their children. I have also encountered too many children who are super obedient and \”good\” babies. From childhood to adulthood, they completely obey their parents\’ wishes and completely ignore their true inner thoughts. They have no independent opinions and rely on their parents to make the decision in everything. \”——Maybe one day, life will give him a hard blow, so that they can learn to grow up.I remember once seeing an interview with Chen Derong, the very popular \”Qiong Yao Girl\” in Taiwan in the past. I learned that she was only 17 years old when she debuted. She became famous after filming \”Three Plum Blossoms\”. Due to her young age, her mother naturally became Her agent takes care of everything for her. But after 10 years of this kind of life, I found that my mother was becoming less and less suitable to be her manager, and always forced her own ideas on her. After all, she was an adult, not a teenager who had just debuted in the entertainment industry. , the girl from the past who needed her mother’s decision for everything. So the most serious war broke out between mother and daughter, that is, she moved out without saying hello, and because her mother was angry, they hardly contacted each other in the next two years; they kept in a cold war, and her attitude was very firm, and she Make your own decisions and control your own life. When the reporter interviewed her mother, her mother was very emotional and burst into tears. She didn\’t understand why her daughter, who had always been \”obedient\”, became incompatible with her. People like \”good\” children. We have been asked to be \”obedient\” children since we were young. But children who are too obedient actually have many problems behind them. Adults will naturally design a development path for children, which also makes children more and more inert without thinking about it. Children who have no independent opinions are the most terrifying. They blindly follow their parents\’ opinions when choosing studies, and do work in a hazy manner. Some even obey their parents\’ wishes on important life matters such as choosing a partner. I have a friend of a friend who was in a relationship with his beloved girlfriend for three years because her family objected, and they reluctantly broke up. Now that they have started their own families, they still think that the other is their true love, and they still have secret love affairs with each other – do they want to be like this for the rest of their lives? ? How miserable such a life is. People who have ideas and \”opinions\” are never influenced by others. I know friends who resigned from stable state-owned enterprises in their hometown and came to Beijing to re-apply to study film majors. Just because of this \”love\” and persistence and dedication, they have now firmly established themselves in Beijing\’s film and television industry and bought a house. Founded a business and settled down. In addition, there are people who have already worked in management positions in foreign companies, but despite their parents\’ objections, they resolutely resigned and went abroad to study at the age of 30. There are also people who found out after graduation that they didn’t like the major they studied in college, so they re-learned a new major while working and going to school, and then started a business in that major and became successful, etc. They are all people who know what they want in their hearts and go all out to pursue their dreams… So when I face my children now, I find that even though the little one has only been in elementary school for two years, her mind is growing rapidly. , she will really respond to some of my requests for her. We adults think she is \”talking back\”, but in fact, if we stand as a third party, the child is just listing what she thinks is unreasonable and refusing to implement it, stating the reasons – this is not necessarily a bad thing. It shows that she has her own independent thinking ability and ideas. From this level, we need to understand. I advise parents that at the crossroads of many children’s development, do notInstead of blindly making arrangements for them, you might as well listen to your children’s opinions on what they want to learn and what they want to do. Cultivating their ability to think independently and make decisions from an early age is crucial to their future life development.