Children who have these 3 abnormal behaviors are actually asking for help

A few days ago, in a WeChat group, a mother said such a thing. She has a daughter who is almost 4 years old. Soon after she entered kindergarten, she had \”unusual\” bedwetting. At first she thought she was overthinking it, and it was normal for children to wet the bed repeatedly. But it lasted for 3 or 4 days, and she was extremely worried. Because the child has never wet the bed since he was 3 years old. So, she took her daughter to the hospital for a check-up. The doctor said there were no obvious organic symptoms and suggested that she take the child for psychological consultation. Later, through drawing and telling stories with the child, the consultant finally discovered the secret that caused the child to wet the bed: The child is now very stressed and emotionally nervous. It is most likely that he was treated badly in the kindergarten, which led to this phenomenon. An \’abnormal\’ enuresis behavior. She was shocked and hurriedly asked the parents of other children privately. It turned out that several children also showed \”abnormal behavior\”. She immediately united with several parents to negotiate with the kindergarten. Due to pressure, the kindergarten agreed to call out the video surveillance of the children in the kindergarten. Sure enough, I discovered that there was a teacher who often pushed and pushed the children. They found the teacher, and he admitted that although he did not hit the children, he would sometimes ridicule and yell at them. After so many choices, I didn’t expect to encounter “Zha Yuan”. Before, the child\’s verbal expressions were not fluent and sometimes varied, so she was unable to make judgments. Moreover, there was no obvious trauma on the child\’s body, so she found nothing. If she hadn\’t been \”overthinking\” and felt that the child\’s bedwetting was abnormal, she would not have discovered that the child was being \”treated\” in this way. This incident made her very scared. Although the anxiety and pressure accumulated in the child\’s heart cannot be expressed, it will definitely send a distress signal to the parents through other \”abnormal behaviors\”. For children aged 3-12 years old, the three most common \”abnormal behaviors\” are as follows: – Children who are originally lively are unusually quiet and sit still for several days in a row; – Children who are originally well-behaved suddenly attack others \”violently\” many times. Sometimes they grab toys, sometimes they hit them with their hands, they kick them with their feet… – Children who originally sleep peacefully and do not wet the bed are prone to \”night terrors\”, \”bedwetting\”, or \”nightmares\” when they sleep for many consecutive nights… But these \”abnormal behaviors\” Doesn\’t mean rare and hard to detect. On the contrary, they all have obvious characteristics: – they are indeed different from usual behavior; – they appear repeatedly in a short period of time. Paying attention to your child\’s behavior does not mean that you are all over the place, but it does not mean that you are too nervous to miss your child\’s distress signal. A friend of mine who is a child psychiatrist mentioned a case she encountered when talking about children: a 9-year-old girl who looked very well-behaved, but was actually a little \”mildly depressed.\” According to the parents, the child was originally very lively, but later became very well-behaved. Just when the parents felt relieved, they discovered that the child was suffering from \”depression.\” She helped the child gradually relieve stress through games and many other methods, and only then did she figure out the root cause of the disease: a year ago, her grandmother, who loved her most, passed away in a car accident. Since then, she has been insecurefeel. She often clings to her parents, but her parents don\’t understand her, and often even accuse her: Why is this child so clingy? Dad is already very tired, why don’t you understand me at all? She was already very sad, but now she felt a lot more fear and loss. So later on, she avoided conflicts with her parents and often stayed alone quietly, but she was very depressed inside. Not only did the parents not think the child was abnormal, but they were very happy, \”The child finally became obedient and honest.\” As time goes by, the child gradually becomes \”depressed\”. Many children with depressive traits are considered by their parents to be very good children. She once used her own way to convey important non-verbal signals to her parents. But she was only seen as a \”slightly changed child\”. How helpless was she at that moment? When children are in trouble, they often do not know how to seek effective language help from their parents. And if the child doesn\’t tell, the parents will mistakenly ignore it. It was not until the problem became serious that I became anxious and regretful. The child\’s language may not be clear, but their \”behavior\” will definitely not lie. There is a term in psychology called \”iceberg theory.\” What it means here is that our children are like icebergs. What we can see is only a small part of the surface – the child\’s behavior, but the child\’s richer inner world (such as sadness, fear, loss and other emotions) is hidden deeper and invisible to us, just like water. Iceberg below. When a child has a huge amount of fear or anxiety buried in his heart, he is not yet able to face it normally and cannot adjust himself, so he will frequently engage in \”abnormal behavior\” unconsciously. So what should we do in the face of children\’s \”abnormal behavior\”? Avoid \”blaming\” children for their superficial behavior. When we see children\’s \”abnormal behavior\”, we are particularly likely to get emotional and often jump to accuse the child of \”abnormal behavior\”. However, if you only accuse the child based on his superficial behavior, not only will the child\’s heart be closed forever, but in serious cases, the best opportunity to save the child will be missed. I once watched a movie in which the protagonist was a 7-year-old girl who had always been relatively sensible. After his mother passed away, he and his father depended on each other. He works very hard, leaving early and coming back late every day, and his income is meager. But in order for the children to go to a better school, they hired special tutors. Because of this, my father took another job after get off work. But within a few days, the child suddenly became very timid and often had nightmares at night. But because her father worked hard, he fell asleep as soon as he came home and didn\’t know that she had nightmares. She started to cry often, crying to her father that she didn\’t want to go to class, and she wouldn\’t let her father go to work. Seeing that it was time to go to work, the father mistakenly thought that the child was naughty because he disliked the hard work of study, so he became very angry. While beating her, he accused: \”Why are you so disobedient? I worked so hard to earn money for you to study, why are you still so willful? See if I don\’t beat you hard…\” Until five years later, the girl committed suicide. In the child\’s diary, the father finally understood through her fragmented words that the child had been molested many times by the tutor. My father regretted it so much that he cried in his arms. young childrenHe was unable to give his father a complete and accurate description of what the tutor had done. But sadly, her father\’s repeated beatings, scoldings and accusations made her feel even more frightened and helpless. She no longer dared to communicate with her father and did not know how to communicate. Finally, in fear and helplessness, he chose to commit suicide. Dig into the child’s true heart. A child’s abnormal behavior on the surface sometimes does not represent the child’s true inner thoughts. We can use the child\’s surface behavior floating on the iceberg to try to discover the child\’s true thoughts beneath the iceberg. It was like peeling an onion, layer by layer, to understand the real reason for her abnormality. I have a friend who is a kindergarten teacher. She once said this: She had a student who was always well-behaved, which made the teacher very worry-free. One day, a child complained to her, \”Teacher, he kicked me.\” She thought that the child must not have done it on purpose, so she comforted the two children without paying much attention. As a result, the next day, other children came over and said, \”He started beating people.\” She then realized that his behavior was a bit \”abnormal.\” Later, she took the child to a quiet place and tried to communicate with him. Unexpectedly, as soon as she hugged the child, the child burst into tears. It turns out that the child\’s parents had just broken up (divorced), and the quarrel was particularly fierce when they separated. He was extremely frightened… A child said, \”Your dad doesn\’t want you anymore\”, \”You don\’t have a dad\”… He wanted to say no, But he didn\’t know what to say… He was scared and angry, so he hit someone for some reason… She looked at the crying child in front of her and felt extremely distressed. I can\’t imagine how helpless he would be if he was blamed from the beginning. Later, she had active communication with the child\’s parents, and they realized that the child had suffered so much trouble. When a child exhibits \”abnormal behavior\”, a warm hug and a word of acceptance are the keys to opening the iceberg. The process of raising children is the process of establishing a connection with the child\’s heart. Love that child who is suddenly naughty, or suddenly silent and panicked. Let the child feel my inner concern and love for her, and also let us feel her inner uneasiness and fear. Then comfort her and warm her. And when we understand the child\’s true situation through the superficial abnormal behavior, we can truly \”rescue\” the child.