Children who lie need more love

A few days ago, a mother’s WeChat group exploded. A mother said that her 5-year-old child actually stole the family\’s money to buy things. After being discovered, he even lied and said that he had never taken it. At that time, I was afraid of hurting the child\’s self-esteem, so I didn\’t deal with it. But grandma said that we must take good care of the child and not spoil the child. Grandma, who usually doted on her children, became determined at this time. There is an old saying that goes like \”stealing needles when you are young, stealing gold when you grow up\”. This mother suddenly lost her mind and didn\’t know what to do? Many parents have encountered this situation. One mother said: The stricter the parents, the more likely the children will lie, and it is inevitable that children will do wrong things. Giving time to children to communicate more and being angry with children will not solve the problem. This is a method that is relatively recognized by everyone. Because the problems that occur in children are a projection of their parents. When a child has a problem, we need to look at the reasons behind it. Instead of rushing to be the referee and punish the child. Labeling children is even more irresponsible. A child\’s lying is mostly closely related to the child\’s family growth environment. It can be said that the way of family education often determines the behavior of children. The usual attitude towards children after making mistakes often determines the behavior of children when they admit their mistakes. I remember one time, while I was sleeping, my son took out an egg from the refrigerator and played with it. It fell to the ground and made the floor dirty. I asked him what was going on. The little guy lowered his head and continued to do his own thing, pretending not to hear. I walked up to him and asked him: \”Did you break this?\” \”No!\” \”Then how did it break?\” \”It rolled down by itself and I didn\’t catch it.\” \”Then what do you think is this? Did the egg break itself?\” \”It rolled up.\” In fact, from his slight nervousness, we could feel that he realized that he was responsible. He just didn\’t know how I would react, so he was cautiously guarding against it. \”It\’s okay, let\’s wipe the floor clean first.\” At this time, he moved very quickly, and he pulled out the paper and wiped it. \”Be careful next time. Be careful when handling things in the refrigerator.\” After seeing my attitude, he had already relaxed. \”What do you want to do with that egg?\” \”Actually, I want to see if there are any chicks in it.\” Then I start to tell you the reason. Parents respect their children\’s right to make mistakes, and their children will tell you the reasons for their mistakes. Please be kind to every child who makes mistakes. Because many times it is not a mistake at all, but just the subjective feelings of the parents. Or maybe it\’s just against the wishes of the parents. Don\’t be too nervous. Lying is actually part of your child\’s growth. The Children\’s Research Institute of the University of Toronto in Canada conducted a study on 1,200 children and teenagers aged 2-17 years old. The results found that 30% of 2-year-old children can lie; most children older than 4 years old lie. The report said that lying is a necessary stage for every 3-4 year old child and is a landmark progress in intelligence and brain development. When you find that your child has lied, you should be happy because it proves that your child\’s brain development is very normal. When parents look objectively at the lies their children tell. At this time, when the child lies, he will not become furious.When young children lie, sometimes the child cannot distinguish between reality and imagination. I remember reading \”The Rat Who Broke the Cup\” when my son was more than 2 years old. He liked that book very much. I guess it was because it told him what he wanted. For example, when the little mouse broke the cup, he was afraid of being scolded by his mother, so he immediately made up a lot of \”lies\” in his head, saying that other animals wanted to drink water and broke it. But in the end, the little mouse bravely told his mother, and her mother praised him as an honest child. When a child reads the first part, he will not think that it is a \”lie\”, but instead think that it is a good storyline and an imagination that belongs to the child\’s world. Therefore, many times when children lie, they cannot tell whether they are lying or not. They have rich imaginations. Sometimes he will tell you that he saw an elephant grow wings and fly in the sky, and sometimes he will say that the things he broke were broken by other small animals or aliens. They always confuse imagination with reality. Such lies only express the wishes in the heart and have nothing to do with the child\’s character. And if parents preach or punish their children too seriously, then the children will be afraid. I can say with certainty that the more severe the punishment you impose indiscriminately, the more likely the child will lie, and it will become more serious every time. Philosopher Bertrand Russell said, \”Children\’s dishonesty is almost always the result of fear.\” Under severe pressure from their parents, many children will give in and tell a lie in the direction their parents expect. The role model of parents plays the most important role in the formation of children\’s values. A story shared by the author\’s mother Wei Kouko who lives in the Netherlands is worth pondering: At the entrance of an amusement park, a Chinese couple brought their son to play. The mother told her son: \”Go in. If there is someone at the door later, When asked how old you are, just say 3.\” \”But I am 5!\” \”You have to buy tickets if you are 5 years old, but if you are 3 years old, it is free.\” \”But what if they see that I am 5 years old? \”The child was a little scared. \”No!\” The mother comforted her son: \”We Chinese are younger than the Dutch. They may not ask you your age when you come in. I told you just in case. The money saved by free tickets, mother can go in and buy it for you. Eat ice cream, okay?\” The child understood and nodded happily. When entering the door, the child made the sign of three on his forehead and walked forward. Indeed, no one asked him his age. After the family entered, they laughed and were very happy: \”Yeah, I passed the test!\” After a while, while queuing up for the pirate ship, I saw this family of three again. The child\’s mother started to give instructions again: \”If you want to sit on this boat, if someone asks you later, you have to tell them that you are six years old. Because this boat is only for six-year-old children. Remember, six years old Years old!\” The child nodded timidly. Finally, the child was asked by the administrator and was so anxious that he didn\’t know what to say. But the mother kept telling him that he was six years old and six years old. Finally, the child suddenly broke down and cried: \”How old am I? Am I three, six, or five? I don\’t know.\” As a result, the child\’s mother He led his son out of the queue and scolded: \”Don\’t cry! It\’s because you want to sit here that we let you say you are six years old. In a playground full of laughter, a childThe little back, shoulders twitching. And this kind of situation can often be seen around us. I remember one time at the vegetable market. There was a grandmother who took her children shopping for groceries because there were too many people shopping for groceries. The vegetable vendor was too busy for a while. The grandma took a bunch of vegetables and left. The child took the grandma\’s hand and said, \”Grandma, I didn\’t give you any money, I didn\’t give you any money!\” As a result, the grandma pulled the child\’s hand hard and said, \”Keep your voice down, I gave you money. If someone asks you, you have to say it.\” Here\’s the money.\” The child looked at his grandma, puzzled. The little face looked aggrieved. But the grandma who picked up a bargain was very happy. The behavior of taking advantage often damages children\’s outlook on life. All great principles are inferior to real behavioral demonstrations. In fact, lying is a very common behavior for children as they grow up, and it is not terrible. It is really terrible if parents use severe punishment or some inducement to force their children to lie. Children who lie need more love and respect from their parents. When problems arise, don\’t rush to label yourself a bad boy. Please control your temper and be patient to find out the reason. Let’s be honest, many people lied as children. The most memorable ones are probably the times your parents forced you to tell them.