Children with high emotional intelligence have these 7 characteristics! All mothers of children aged 5 to 15 should watch this

A mother added my WeChat account and left a message: \”What should I do if my child has very low emotional intelligence? I heard that you are a psychological counselor. Do you have any good ideas?\” I asked, \”How are you so sure that your child has low emotional intelligence?\” The mother said: \”The children in my friend\’s family are very clever and have big mouths. Every time there is a party or activity, their children are like living treasures and make everyone laugh. But My family, I guess, is silent all day long, doesn’t open its mouth, and even when I quarrel with others at school, I can’t explain it to others… Isn’t this a low emotional intelligence?” After reading this mother’s message, I suddenly thought that in recent years, , parents rarely talk about \”IQ\”. Because almost every parent knows that apart from their congenital dull eyesight and inability to take care of themselves, the IQ gap between children is actually not that big. The most popular concept now is probably \”emotional intelligence\”, and many coaching institutions also use the gimmick of \”emotional intelligence training camps\” to attract parents. What exactly does it mean to have high emotional intelligence? In fact, many parents do not have a clear understanding, but just take it for granted that being \”well-spoken\”, \”smooth-talking\” and \”easy to eat\” means they have high emotional intelligence. But in fact, emotional intelligence is not so one-sided. Its most commonly used full name is \”emotional quotient\”, which is more inclined to measure a person\’s emotional management ability. It can also be understood as: regulating one\’s mental state and getting along well with others. ability. It includes independence, empathy, responsibility, self-confidence, self-discipline and many other aspects. Really high emotional intelligence is more like cultivation and self-cultivation emanating from the inside out. Such people have good psychological self-healing ability. Although they may be happy or sad because of trivial matters in study and life, they can always adjust themselves in time, do not waste themselves in the pessimism of blame and blame others, and devote themselves to a new life as soon as possible. middle. With such people, you will feel very comfortable and relaxed. Even if you are not old friends who have been together for many years, you always feel that he is very kind, can respect you, understand you, and sometimes sincerely worries about small things for you. (At this moment, someone’s face must have appeared in your mind.) Being sharp-tongued, clever, and always able to take advantage of the conversation is called tactful behavior at best, and it is not the same as true emotional intelligence. thing. Therefore, parents should not go in the wrong direction when cultivating their children\’s emotional intelligence. To cultivate children with high emotional intelligence, pay attention to these seven points: 01. Complain less and complain less. Complaining and complaining are both strong negative emotions. Although on the surface it seems that we are blaming others and venting our grievances to others, in fact it ignites our own inner anger, putting us in a state of \”internal friction\” all the time, wearing away our patience, confidence and enterprising spirit. Children who are often whiny and complaining are always habitual of \”external attribution\” when they fail in exams or have conflicts with classmates, blaming the reasons and faults for their failure on others, but are unwilling to reflect on their own shortcomings. In this case, progress is really difficult. It should be noted that almost every child has a \”self-protection tendency\” and a natural tendency to blame others for failure so as not to bear the pressure on themselves. This requires parents to take advantage of the opportunities when their children make mistakes and fail, leading toGuide the children to realize their own shortcomings, and then help them correct them. 02. People who are enthusiastic and passionate about at least one thing, have a healthy hobby, and persist with enthusiasm must be positive, optimistic, and sunny in their hearts. If you go to school and find a few students with good grades and cheerful personalities, and ask them what their hobbies are, they will definitely tell you several with great interest: \”basketball\”, \”Lego blocks\”, \”robots\”… But when When reporters interview juvenile delinquents, the answers they usually get are: \”I don\’t have any hobbies\”, \”Playing\”, \”Smoking, singing KTV\”, \”Drinking with friends\”… So, it is really important to help children find a suitable hobby and stick to it. necessary. On the one hand, this is a spice in the boring study life, helping children relax physically and mentally; on the other hand, it can make full use of children\’s excess energy to avoid getting into bad habits due to doing nothing. 03. Good at listening. There are a lot of people around us who are glib and talkative, but there are really very few people who can listen to others and understand others. Some mothers once said distressedly: \”After their children entered middle school, they started boarding. Facing unfamiliar classmates, they didn\’t know how to communicate with them and had no friends. It was very distressing.\” In fact, one of the best ways to communicate is to listen. . When someone is talking to you, you can politely lean forward slightly, nod from time to time to show understanding, and smile or frown according to the other person\’s mood… In this way, the other person can clearly feel your respect and understanding, and thus treat you Full of trust, a window of interpersonal communication opens. 04. Face failure squarely. It is the nature of all children to be competitive and fearful of losing, because in a child\’s small world, he should be the best, and all good things and deeds should be his own. Therefore, some children are always depressed or even cry and roll around when they lose in a game or fail in a test; if they win occasionally, they feel complacent and show off everywhere. However, a child who is too sensitive to winning or losing always lives in the evaluation of others, lacks inner motivation, and cannot truly feel the sense of accomplishment and fun in learning and activities. To avoid this situation, parents should, on the one hand, less compare their children with \”other people\’s\” children and pay more attention to their children\’s own growth and progress; on the other hand, they should not abuse \”appreciation education\” because it is too frequent and unnecessary. Principled praise can easily make children complacent and always in a \”I\’m the best\” mentality, making them unable to withstand the ruthless setbacks in society and school. 05. Praise others more. When a child can discover the advantages of others, it means that he recognizes this advantage from his heart, and he will not be far from progress. When a child always finds fault with others, it means that he always finds fault with others. If he is affected by shortcomings and bad emotions, then sooner or later these \”thorns\” will appear on himself. Therefore, whether in life or study, we must consciously guide children to discover the advantages of others and praise them with a few words: \”Wow, Juanjuan, your handwriting is so beautiful!\”… This not only helps to establish a good reputation Relationships with classmates can also train children to be tolerant. 06. Cultivate a little humorTouching life is unsatisfactory, nine times out of ten. If you don\’t have the ability to have a little humor, your life will be very tiring. In fact, humor is not just as simple as \”funny\” or \”laughing\”, it is more like a positive attitude and optimistic state of mind. For individuals, a sense of humor can help us relieve stress and ease inner conflicts. Nowadays, many young people like to mock themselves as \”diaosi\”. Although it sounds indecent, this kind of funny tone in the face of labor and hardship can indeed reduce the mental pressure of young people. On the other hand, humor is also one of the best social skills. When we first arrive in a strange environment and are not familiar with the place, if our conversations are humorous and make people laugh, we can dispel mutual wariness and facilitate subsequent interpersonal interactions. To cultivate children\’s sense of humor, parents can try to add humorous elements to the small details of life. For example, if a child falls down and cries loudly, if you are sure that the child is not injured, you can encourage him with relaxed and humorous language: \”Oh, boy, this is not the New Year or a holiday. Why are you kowtowing? Get up quickly. !” 07. Learn to refuse. Although being helpful is a virtue, knowing how to refuse is the great wisdom of life. Sometimes, other people\’s demands are not necessarily reasonable. If you continue to accommodate yourself at this time, you will only put yourself in a painful dilemma and condone the other person\’s repeated harassment, which will be harmful to both others and yourself. Not much good. For children, this kind of thing actually happens often: my deskmate always asks me to borrow money. Although she doesn’t borrow much every time, she never pays it back. I’m afraid she’ll be angry and I’m too embarrassed to mention it. What should I do? At this time, parents can guide their children appropriately: A truly good friend will not embarrass you by borrowing money, and someone who blackmails you in the name of a friend may not be sincere! In fact, emotional intelligence has never been a lofty thing. It is more like the sum of the beautiful qualities in life, and more like a person\’s self-cultivation from the inside out: responsibility, responsibility, empathy, emotional control, communication …That’s why some people say: The so-called high emotional intelligence actually means good education! Make yourself comfortable and make the people around you comfortable too!