Children with strong hearts are because they are protected like this

When I was in Anhui, I received a message from a friend in the background, which was a long paragraph – When my daughter was born, there was a birthmark on her left cheek, which was as big as the nail of the thumb. There is an old saying in our hometown: When you are poor, you remember your face, but when you are rich, you remember your waist. From the day my child was born, I have always felt guilty, guilty that I could not give my child a perfect face. After carrying her out, the enthusiastic relatives and friends would sigh and say, after praising her beautiful big eyes, it would be great if the child did not have this birthmark on her face. When my child was a child, she didn’t understand other people’s opinions. Now she’s in the middle class of kindergarten and knows how to appreciate beauty. Every time she is asked about birthmarks by other children, she comes back and asks me: “Mom, why do I have birthmarks on my face and other children don’t?” ?” Every time she asked me, I felt like a knife in my heart. I have wanted to treat her countless times, but I have heard from many friends that birthmarks cannot be eradicated. The process of repeated treatment is equivalent to reminding the child again and again that \”birthmark is a disease.\” Now I really don’t know how to avoid hurting the child and make her ignore other people’s comments. I particularly understand how this mother feels – what mother doesn\’t want to give her child the best, so that his life will go smoothly and away from harm? But ideals are ideals, and reality is reality. We cannot fully decide our own lives, let alone the lives of our children? Even if we go through all the obstacles and pave the best path for our children, maybe the children will say: This is not what I want! Therefore, whether it is about the future of our children or their own characteristics that are different from others, as parents, the best love we can give is to treat them with a normal attitude, so that they can be psychologically stronger and avoid being judged by others. Came to slander. Many parents, when faced with children who are born with deficiencies or who they consider to be \”defective,\” do not turn a blind eye but take special care of them. When I was a child, my whole family had a non-agricultural registered permanent residence, and I was the only one with an agricultural registered permanent residence. When I was a few years old, I didn\’t care about household registration at all, but my mother would often have a sudden discussion with my father when I was doing homework, playing games or watching TV: She was the only one left in the countryside, what would I do in the future? We should save more money for her, otherwise she will suffer in hard times in the future… As time went by, the rural household registration became a thorn in my heart, making my little heart involuntarily feel inferior to others. A few days ago, while accompanying a relative from my hometown to see a doctor, I met a mother and daughter waiting in line outside the dermatology department. My daughter was fifteen or sixteen years old. She was very impatient when her number was called. She made a fuss and refused to go in, saying she was not sick. When their number was finally called, the girl refused to enter the consulting room and stood up to leave. The mother became angry and grabbed her daughter, rolled up her sleeves and scolded her: \”If it wasn\’t for your own good, would I be willing to come to this place? Look? What\’s your arm like? See for yourself!\” Only then did I notice that the girl had a large area of ​​ringworm-like things on her arm. There were many people around who were waiting for their number to be called, and their eyes were also focused on the girl\’s arm. The girl suddenly became anxious and screamed: \”Why do you say that to me? I\’m not sick! It\’s up to you to see for yourself!\” Then she broke away from her mother\’s hand and rushed out of the waiting room crying… The child is sick. Of course we need to treat it, but it shouldn’t be the responsibility of the parents.Treat by wishful thinking. In the past, people often said that \”with deep love comes deep responsibility\”, but even blaming in the name of love can still cause harm. If the process of treatment is to make children feel that they are different from ordinary people and fall into the bottom of low self-esteem again and again under the blame of their parents, then even if the physical disease is cured, it is difficult to guarantee that the disease in the heart will not be left behind. Many times, what brings harm to children is not necessarily the judgment of others, but rather the sensitivity, low self-esteem, and excessive care shown by parents when faced with their children\’s differences. In other words, whether those \”defects\” will ultimately hurt the child\’s heart depends largely on the parents\’ attitude towards their children. There is a mother whose eldest daughter is an albino. She is a beautiful little girl with super white skin and all white hair. When her daughter was growing up, this mother never treated her child as a patient. She went to the park when she should take her to the park, to the supermarket when she needed to take her, and let her take care of herself when she should eat and dress by herself. . Because the child is indeed sick, it is natural to take him to the doctor. When she learned that there was almost no cure for this disease, her mother focused on how to build a strong heart for her child. In a blink of an eye, the child reached the age of kindergarten. He went to several kindergartens and expressed rejection. When the child felt sad, the mother’s comfort was: “It’s normal to be rejected. It’s just like a mother interviewing for a job. The company is choosing the mother.” , Mom is also choosing a company; in the same way, only when the school likes us and we like the school, can you go to school happily!\” Once I met the mother and son in the elevator, the child Tong Yanwuji next to me , stared at the little sister and asked: \”Auntie, why is my sister\’s hair white?\” The atmosphere suddenly became awkward, but the mother replied with a bright face: \”Your hair is black, my sister\’s hair is white.\” Yes, look at auntie’s hair is burgundy, everyone may have hair of different colors!” That kind of calm and generous concern made me sincerely admire her. It is conceivable that if the mother reacts fiercely to other people\’s evaluations, will the child also feel that it is because of his own imperfections that the mother is angry and sad? For children\’s unusualness, only if parents accept it calmly can children face it optimistically. If you want your children not to care about other people\’s opinions, parents must first not care about other people\’s evaluations. The only one who can hurt yourself is yourself. As long as the child understands this truth, no one can hurt her. Therefore, if the child is really physically defective, of course we must first work hard to treat it. At the same time, we must relieve ourselves of the psychological burden so that the child can calmly accept his own defects. If the child only has a birthmark on a certain part of the body, the hair is too yellow and thin, the teeth are not straight, the legs are not straight, etc., just work hard to improve it and enhance the child\’s self-confidence. Of course, as parents, we are also setting an example for our children by not talking about other people\’s physical defects behind their backs – accepting imperfect existence in this world and treating other people\’s physical or mental differences with a normal mind are the best qualities of a child. one. She is called the ugliest woman in the world, but she is more beautiful than everyone else! A speech that shocked tens of millions of people. Her name is Lizzie VilasQuez, who was born without fat tissue, eats 60 small meals a day, weighs only more than 20 kilograms, has a blue right eye and is blind. Known as \”Skull Girl,\” she has many reasons to feel miserable, but she is optimistic and confident, which makes her uniquely charming. \”Liz, the only thing that\’s different about you is that you\’re smaller than the other kids. It\’s a disease, but it doesn\’t define who you are. Go to school, hold your head up, smile, and continue to be yourself, and everyone will see that you and They are the same.\” I want to applaud Liz\’s parents for these words, and also applaud all the children in the world who are serious about being themselves.