Children with strong hearts have parents like this standing behind them

A few days ago a mother sent an email asking for help. He said that recently his children have been asking themselves, \”Mom, do you really love me?\” I have to ask them several times a day and tell them I love them every time. But it seems to be of no use at all. It turns out that this mother travels on business trips all year round because of her work, and sometimes leads teams abroad. I spend half of the year on the road, leaving my children at home with the elderly. A few days before the child developed this condition, a visitor came to the house. One of my children\’s aunts is very fond of joking. So after seeing the child, I tease the child. \”Do you like your mother more or your father more?\” The three-year-old daughter was stunned and didn\’t know how to answer. The grandma next to me quickly hinted, \”They all like it, they all like it.\” The child followed along and said, \”I like them all!\” The aunt was full of interest and continued reluctantly: \”Does your mother not want you anymore? She is often away from home. Did she secretly give birth to a younger brother for you?\” At this time The child immediately stopped playing the toy in his hand. Looked at grandma. Grandma quickly said, \”No, my aunt is just teasing you.\” Unexpectedly, the child took it seriously. I have been unhappy and worried for several days. Then I started asking my mother this question. After knowing the truth, my mother really wanted to argue with the old man, but she was hampered by human kindness. I can only swallow my anger. But the harm to the child is real. The Chinese New Year is coming soon, and I really hope all adults can keep their mouths shut. Don\’t tease our children. The jokes you use to relieve boredom or have fun may make the child anxious, even hate the mother, resist the mother, and cause the child to feel insecure. This is very harmful to the child\’s growth. Please have some moral integrity and be a real child. not easy! Let the children really avoid this kind of harm, in addition to avoiding this kind of \”relatives\”. The best protection parents can give their children is to cultivate their children\’s strong hearts. When love lives in a child\’s heart, the child\’s heart will be full of strength. I have encountered this kind of thing once. I remember one time in my hometown, a friend of my mother teased her son. \”Your father said he would give you a sister.\” \”I like my sister.\” \”Then you are not afraid that your sister will snatch your toys, or that your father will love your sister and not love you?\” \”I am not afraid, because my father said The child he loves most is me!\” At this time, it was the adult\’s turn to laugh. In his heart, he felt that his parents would always be by his side, loving him and protecting him. With such protection, he will not be anxious and noisy when he leaves us. It can also establish a safe line of defense in the face of teasing. Parents\’ love makes children strong. In 1960, psychologist Eleanor Gibson designed a \”visual cliff device\” to test infants\’ depth perception. This installation uses large glass panels and black and white checkered cloth to create a visual cliff. Gibson selected 30 infants aged 6-14 months for experiments. The infants\’ performance in front of the visual cliff showed that they could not only perceive the height and width of objects, but also the distance, depth, concavity, etc. of objects. At the same time, there is an unexpected gain. When the baby climbs to the edge of the \”cliff\” and hesitates, if the mother standing on the other side of the \”cliff\” treats himIf the mother smiles and nods to express affirmation and encouragement, he may bravely cross the \”cliff\” and crawl to the mother; if the mother shows a fearful and nervous expression, the baby will not dare to cross or even cry. When children come into this world, they are unknown to everything around them. They understand the world through their parents\’ demeanor, eyes, behavior, and language. What is safe and what is dangerous? Learn from your parents and start to explore carefully yourself. Develop an understanding of the world. Why family education is important is because at the beginning of life, the world of parents is the world of children. Just like they need physical nutrition, children need psychological nutrition: The first psychological nutrition: unconditional love. Many mothers say, of course I love my children, and I am even willing to give my life for my children. But when problems arise, they immediately become \”conditional\”. \”You\’re so naughty, don\’t call me mom.\” \”I don\’t like you if you\’re still like this.\” \”Look at that so-and-so in your class. I\’m happy if you\’re half as good as him.\” \”Final exam test \”If you don\’t, I\’ll just shut up and think about my past this winter vacation.\” It seems reasonable and full of \”love\”, but there are conditions attached to it. For children before the age of 2, all we can do is meet their psychological needs for love. If the child is hit and scolded more than caressed at this stage, it will cause psychological problems in the child. One of the concentrated manifestations is why so many children have separation anxiety. Often the mother did not handle the situation well when the child was very young. She was forced to separate from the child because she had to go to work, or she hid and sneaked away. Or the child needs something, but you keep delaying it because you are busy, and the child has never been satisfied. For example, your child needs you to hand him a cup, but you say you want to train his independence. In the initial stage, parents\’ emotional peace and companionship, as well as timely satisfaction of their children\’s reasonable needs, are the best sources of security. Love requires vocal practice. You can usually express your love to your children. For example, I often play games with my son on the bed. I would pretend to be asleep, then catch him and say, \”Whose cub is this? Is it the rabbit\’s, or the big bad wolf\’s?\” \”It\’s yours! Dad, it\’s me, it\’s your cub.\” Baby!\” Then he opened his eyes and said, \”It\’s really true. He is my favorite baby. Dad will always love you.\” The baby was filled with joy, and every cell of my body was happy. Then a tight hug. The second psychological nutrition: respect love as he wishes, not as you wish. Parents must respect their children\’s ideas. Don\’t ignore or even ridicule your child\’s ideas because you think they are childish. There are some things where the child can make the decision, so respect the child’s choice. Such as the color of clothes and the style of shoes. And the friends and books they choose. You can let go and let your children choose. The third psychological nutrition: Accept that none of us are perfect, especially growing children, who especially need the acceptance and encouragement of their parents. If you don\’t pay attention, the seeds of inferiority will be planted in the child\’s heart. Inferiority feelings are often hidden deep in our subconscious, controlling the values ​​of the brain and having a very direct impact on behavior. Many people because of a sentence in their childhoodThen I started to criticize myself deeply. Accept the child\’s emotions, tolerate the child\’s shortcomings, and always stand on the child\’s side. There is a story in \”The Imperfect Gift\”: \”One day, the author took her eight-year-old daughter to a department store to buy shoes. As a result, the shoe counter was playing a pop song, and her daughter actually danced on the spot. . At that time, everyone was staring at her daughter doing a strange robot dance. She noticed the expressions of the people next to her. They were not appreciative, but rather embarrassed for her daughter. She was also super embarrassed at the time. When the onlookers were looking at each other, While whispering to each other, maybe while saying something to make fun of her daughter, her daughter was suddenly at a loss, her body froze, and she suddenly stopped and looked at the author with eyes that seemed to ask: \’Mommy, what should I do next?\’ Unexpectedly , she looked at her daughter and said, \”You can add the scarecrow\’s movements to it!\” So, her daughter continued to dance her dance happily. From that moment on, her eyes never left her daughter, and she admired her daughter from the side. An impromptu performance. She said that she didn\’t want to \’betray\’ her daughter, and she chose to stand by her daughter. The love you gave me not only warmed me, but made me stronger. This is what we want to say to our children , and I hope the child can feel it. If you accidentally hurt the child, apologize to the child quickly, hug him, and say \”I\’m sorry, please forgive me.\” \”The scars in the child\’s heart will be healed, and they will feel that it is not shameful to apologize. Forgiveness is a beautiful feeling. The child\’s personality traits have begun to develop in childhood! Every parent who has experienced the various tastes of life should know: In the heart Only by being strong can we help our children to face adversity with a positive smile in their future lives. This is the love of parents…