Children\’s rebellious psychology stems from your disapproval

Picture: Good Will Hunting’s friend left his job and went to work in an insurance company. She called her mother and mentioned it casually. My mother immediately objected, denied, and suppressed her: \”Your personality is not suitable, and insurance companies are all liars. It would be safer for you to find a formal class. Ever since you were a child, you have never been consistent in anything you do…\” ….\” My friend yelled: \”Ever since I was a child, in your heart, I have never felt better!\” He hung up the phone. She said that she was sitting on a cold bench in the corner of the park, and the leaves were blown down by the autumn wind. She looked at her tear-stained face through the screen of her mobile phone, and her mood entered winter early. I can understand this feeling of being adrift, and I can even more understand this frustration of not being recognized. I think of Martin\’s speech \”The War between Fathers and Sons\” in \”Super Speaker\” that I watched a few days ago. One sentence in it left a particularly deep impression on me: My father\’s deep disapproval of me has caused me deep frustration since I was a child. Feelings of frustration can turn into deep rebellion. My friend said that he had never done anything that his mother had praised him for, and even if there were a wall full of awards and a cabinet full of certificates, he could not remove the label of \”nothing good\” in his mother\’s heart. I started to oppose my mother when I was a teenager, and now, when I am nearly 30 years old, I still oppose my mother in everything. Such as marriage. Her mother kept urging her, but she kept hiding. This coincides with how Martin feels about his father. It\’s just that one is a war between two men and the other is a war between two women. The intensity is different, and the results are also different. I remember a saying to the effect of: If you obey your parents in everything, it means you have not grown up. If you go against your parents in everything, it also shows that you have not grown up. Only when you have the ability to think independently and the mind to make your own decisions can you truly grow up. In a speech at Stanford University, Steve Jobs said: Don’t let the noise of other people’s opinions drown out your inner voice. Most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, which may already know who you want to be. Everything else is secondary. Well, to be disrespectful to our parents, the noise that drowns out our inner voices sometimes comes from our parents. They always try to tell you to do what they ask or you will die miserably. Parents are the closest people we have in this world. They can spend their life savings to buy a house for us. We can get up at three in the morning and queue up just because we casually said \”I want to eat Lao Li\’s tofu\”. They can stay by our bedside all night long when we are sick, fearing that we will “just disappear”. You can stay up several nights in a row and peel the peanuts you grow at home into peanuts before coming to your \”child\’s home\” thousands of miles away. Okay… There is so much that parents can do for us. Except, recognition. Sometimes, all we want is a sentence: My child, you can think so, that’s great! But in fact, what often comes out is: How could you think that? this is not right. What is right and what is wrong? As long as it doesn\’t violate public ethics, doesn\’t break the law, doesn\’t harm others, and can please yourself, it\’s right. Teacher Zeng Qifeng said that if parents treat their children badly, children will become increasingly inseparable from their parents. At the beginning,I can\’t understand it at all. Shouldn\’t it be that the better parents treat their children, the more inseparable their children will be from their parents? Thinking about it later, it is indeed true. It’s just that what he calls “good” is not the same concept as what we traditionally understand as “good”. Children who have been treated tenderly by their parents since childhood and have established a deep sense of security will have the ability and courage to explore the world when they grow up. He knows that even if he fails, his parents are still there. And those children who are controlled by their parents in every possible way \”for your own good\” either obey their parents\’ will and cannot live without their parents. Or, go against the wishes of your parents and go against the trend. On the surface, he seems to be independent, but in fact he is not. Because his decision is still the will of his parents. Just doing the opposite. In essence, I still haven’t left my parents. When can we \”take the essence and discard the bad\” of our parents\’ suggestions and truly \”leave our parents\”? Because I want to prove myself, I work hard. It hurts because it is not recognized. Everyone who wants to break away from the wings of their parents and grow into the best version of themselves has probably experienced the pain of \”not being recognized\”. It doesn\’t matter if others don\’t agree, they are just \”others\”, but it is very uncomfortable if parents don\’t agree, because they are \”parents\”! Unfortunately, many parents do not believe that it is important to identify with their children. Especially, the parents of our generation. They have lived half their lives in disapproval. If you make him agree with you, even if you are strong and then you can, it is meaningless. What we can do is not to compete with our parents or ourselves. Listen to your parents\’ advice and follow your own voice. After all, no one in this world knows ourselves as well as we do. Even parents. Looking back on my adolescence, I also had many arguments with my mother. Every time we fight to the end, either I burst into tears or she is furious. I once said to my mother, if you can\’t give me effective advice, can you shut up. Unfortunately, she can\’t. So the quarrels continued until I got married and had children. As Martin said, there are no winners in this war. We were all thinking about each other in our hearts, but we didn\’t keep the door open with our mouths. As I grew older and encountered problems in raising children, I finally corrected my \”rebellious mentality.\” No matter what, your mother will always be the one who treats you sincerely, just in different ways. When we grow up and slowly learn to identify with ourselves, we no longer care about whether our parents approve or not. They are old and the truce is in our hands. Make peace with your parents before it\’s too late. And with our children, let’s not repeat the same mistakes over and over again! Don\’t let disapproval and rebellion fetter their lives.