Children’s “toxic friendship light” is more terrifying than puppy love

People often say, \”Birds of a feather flock together, and people flock together.\” You can tell what a person is like by looking at his friends. The same goes for children. Never ignore the influence of friends on your children. Friendships between children, in addition to being pure and beautiful, are just like the adult world. There will also be quarrels and conflicts, and even isolation and exclusion, jealousy and hurt, bullying and bullying… Occasional quarrels between friends are okay, but \”toxic\” Friendship\” will not work. Not only does it not allow children to experience the beauty of friendship, it can also make them negative, have low self-esteem, feel sad, and affect their normal learning and life. Friendship is very important, but \”toxic friendship\” does not count as friendship, which is an indispensable part of a child\’s growth. Harris, the author of \”The Myth of Parenting\”, even believes that peer groups are often the place that shapes children\’s behavior and changes their personality. But in real life, children may encounter \”toxic\” friendships, causing the \”peer effect\” to have a negative and negative impact on children, which is far more serious than the puppy love we worry about. How to determine which are \”toxic friendships\”? In Psychology Today in the United States, Dr. Erin Leonard summarized several characteristics of \”toxic friendships\”: children are often unhappy and even cry; have low self-confidence and lose interest in activities they once enjoyed; and blindly please in order to make friends happy. The other party is ridiculed and looked down upon; the ideas proposed are always not taken seriously; the lack of progress in a friendship leads to the idea of ​​hating oneself. For example: my best friend suddenly had a \”new love\”, so he abandoned \”me\”, and \”I\” carefully tried to win her back, but in vain; I always got along well with my friend, but once I passed him in an exam, He began to distance himself from \”me\” and speak ill of \”me\” behind his back; his friends were always picky about \”me\” and always made \”me\” feel ashamed. In order to maintain friendship, \”I\” always wanted to please him… …Generally speaking, the children are more hurt, less happy, and often depressed and frowning during this friendship. Recommend a good documentary: Clarkson\’s Farm Season 1, all 8 episodes, 1080P ultra-clear. We should pay more attention to the child\’s abnormalities in time, and if the child falls into a \”toxic friendship\”, we should provide timely guidance and relief to the child. Children\’s toxic friendships are more terrifying than puppy love. Children\’s friendship problems always affect the hearts of parents. Parents are afraid that their children will not be able to make friends, they are also afraid that their children will suffer losses in their interactions, and they are even more afraid that their children will make \”bad friends\” and be adversely affected. There was a documentary called \”The Mysterious Life of Children\” in which the performance of a pair of good friends caused countless parents to worry about their children making \”bad friends\”. There is a boy in the film, Yu Zishuo, who is smart, independent, and independent, but he is also a \”problem\” boy: he lies, cheats, bullies girls, and likes to break rules. What\’s worse is that, influenced by Zi Shuo, his good friend Xi Zai followed suit and also suffered from these problems. Because he was dissatisfied with the color painting of the little girl Ang Minuo, Zi Shuo made a series of accusations against Ang Minuo and attacked Minuo for being ugly. It wasn\’t until Mino, who was angry and frightened, started to cry loudly that Xizai remembered \”boy\”\”You shouldn\’t bully girls.\” In the dice-getting candy game, Zi Shuo came up with a way to cheat in order to win more candies. Under Zi Shuo\’s guidance, Xizai also happily participated in the cheating, and later chose to lie together. Concealed. Because he was jealous of the little girl Yinuo who was designated as the team leader by the teacher, Yu Zishuo teamed up with Xizai to threaten and tease Yinuo. It wasn\’t until the other boy couldn\’t stand it anymore and came out to stop him forcefully that Xizai followed Yu Zishuo back. Go to your seat and sit down. Seeing Xizai like this, many parents can\’t help but worry: What if their children are also \”led bad\” by their friends? The deterioration of children\’s conduct and grades is only one aspect, and more importantly The scary thing is that \”toxic friendship\” may ruin a child\’s future or even life. There was once such a video that frightened countless parents. A girl in blue climbed up a high-rise building with two girls about seven or eight years old. They are playing a dangerous game on the rooftop and climbing over the railings of the rooftop. There is no protection around them, and their feet are thousands of feet above the ground. If they are not careful, they will fall into an abyss. What makes people even more chilly is that, The two girls were still supporting each other and moving back to the edge of the rooftop. If they had fallen a few centimeters further, they would have died! Looking at the girl in blue, she was standing in a safe corner. Fortunately, the video shooter discovered this scene , using a gentle voice to persuade the two girls to return to the protective fence. When the photographer said that this was very dangerous, the two girls looked blank and did not realize that they had just walked around the gate of hell. Facing the Despite the photographer’s persuasion, the behavior of the little girl in blue was shocking. At first, she angrily scolded the photographer, “We can’t fall.” She also asked the photographer to delete the video. When the photographer refused, she stepped forward again. Tearing, pulling and grabbing mobile phones. If the photographer had not seen this scene, we dare not think or guess what would have happened. Child psychologist Professor Li Meijin once said: When children make friends, I I advise you to be a \”snobbish\” mother! If you have a bad heart, you can\’t deal with it; if you have bad character, you can\’t make friends. Friends are important, but it\’s better not to have prickly friendships. Learn 3 tricks to help your children stay away from \”toxic friendships\” and end them When it comes to toxic friendships, we must pay attention to methods and not interfere roughly. Because it is the child\’s own business to choose who to make friends with, and it is also his important right. Moreover, \”rough interference\” may also have a counterproductive effect and easily cause children to develop The \”Romeo and Juliet effect\” means that the more obstruction there is, the stronger it becomes. So, what should we do? 1. Do not label, only list objective facts, and believe in children\’s own judgment. Any change in anything starts with self-awareness. Children are no exception. Therefore, the first step to help the child is to let the child realize that this is a problem. At this time, you can guide it by chatting. For example, you can chat with the child like this: Baby, mom sees , a few times when you played together, she always said that you couldn’t do well. But I think you are a good child who works hard and is motivated. I am curious, has she always gotten along with her friends like this? Or: Every time you You have to listen to him every time you are together. Do you like him doing this? In chat, just use objective facts to describe things, rather than directly \”labeling\” the other person and telling the child, \”He belittles you\” and \”He orders you.\” Parents help their children sort out their thoughts by listing the facts, allowing them to draw their own conclusions and judge whether the friendship should continue. The goal is not to get the child to admit that this is a bad friend, but to get him to conduct a thoughtful analysis of the relationship. We must not think that because our children are young, they cannot analyze and judge problems by themselves. Chatting without labeling is less likely to cause resistance and resentment in children, and it is easier for children to open their hearts and let them tell us their true thoughts. 2. Understand the child\’s inner appeal. In the process of talking with the child about this matter, we also need to pay attention to understand the child\’s psychological appeal from the words. For example, let\’s take a look at this conversation: Mom: \”Everyone doesn\’t like him, why do you like to play with him?\” Child: \”I can encounter a lot of interesting things playing with him, which I don\’t usually encounter.\” It can be seen that the children have needs in each other. Information like this is enough for us to reflect on whether we have missed anything in the education process. For example, are there too many restrictions on the child that prevent him from encountering many \”interesting things\”? In this process, the children can express their feelings, and we can also discover some problems in family education. When the \”loopholes\” in a child\’s psychological needs are filled, he will no longer ask for anything from the outside world. When they interact with friends, they will care more about equality, respect, and mutual love, and \”toxic friendship\” will naturally gradually move away. 3. Help the child develop an \”escape\” plan. Finally, once the child has decided to leave the friend, the most difficult part of the matter has been completed. Next, we can work with our children to develop an “evacuation” plan to help them successfully escape the control of toxic friendships. For example, you can use a gradual approach to cold treatment, and gradually reduce the time spent together to slowly dilute the concentration of friendship, allowing the toxic friendship to fend for itself. While helping children get rid of \”toxic friendships\”, we must also help children and friends learn to share and take responsibility. Only by knowing how to share can you win more trust; Is guzheng easy to learn? Yuan Sha\’s guzheng teaching video collection is a rare and good teaching material for guzheng learning. Only by learning to take responsibility can you not be dependent on others and become more independent. These can help friendships last longer. I hope that all children can make kind, positive, and outstanding friends, and have a lifetime of sunshine and warmth.