Chinese father, career is always more important than the growth of his children

Some time ago, the director of the department resigned. It is said that his wife gave him an ultimatum: divorce if he does not return before the end of the year. After graduating from college, this director joined the company\’s branch in Tianjin, where he found a partner, got married, and settled down. Three years later, due to his promotion, he was transferred from the Tianjin branch to the Suzhou branch, and then from Suzhou to another branch, moving from one place to another like a guerrilla. This career has become more and more successful, but the distance from his son has become farther and farther. When my son was born, it was a critical period for his career, and he could not return home three times a year. My son didn\’t even know him when he was a child, and he didn\’t hold the child more than once. Every time I called home and wanted to talk to my son, my son didn\’t know what to say to me, so he made an excuse and hung up. This state lasted until the son entered elementary school. His academic performance was always a pain for the family. By the fourth grade, he was ranked last in the school. The mother tried all her methods to no avail. So his wife asked him to find a way to transfer back, even if it was downgraded one level. As long as the family of three were together, they could tutor the children\’s studies together, but he was reluctant to give up on his promising future. At that time, he had just been promoted to department director at the headquarters, and he finally stabilized and no longer had to change places. However, this also meant that he would be separated from his family for a long time in the future. He couldn\’t watch his son do his homework, so he had to supervise from a distance. No matter how busy he was, he would call to check on his child\’s homework every day. However, every time he would yell at his child without even saying a few words, his son gradually began to resent him. What made him decide to resign this time was that his son, who was in junior high school, had become a troubled boy. He stayed away from class all day and mingled with gangsters in society. He was expelled from school again. His wife realized the seriousness of the situation and used divorce to force him to resign and go back to educate the children. However, it is really hard to say what the effect will be. However, even if fathers live with their children, many of them work overtime until late every day and have no time to spend with their children. A neighbor\’s child said, \”My father works overtime almost every day. He can only come home and chat with me before 9 pm two or three days a week.\” Her father works in a design unit. Most of the time, when his father comes home, the child Already asleep, when the child woke up the next day, his father was gone. In China, there are many fathers who give up accompanying their children to grow up for the sake of their careers. They have not been with their children for a long time, and are too lazy to communicate with their children that they cannot communicate well. In \”Where Are We Going, Dad\”, Cai\’er Ying said that she wanted Jordan Chan and her children to participate in the show because she felt that Jordan Chan was always busy with work and lacked the company to accompany his son. From the time his son was born to now, as a father, he has never been alone with his child for more than 6 hours. The purpose of participating in the program is to give the father and son a chance to communicate together. But it was not easy for him to have the opportunity to contact his son. Chen Xiaochun also treated Xiaochun very harshly in front of the camera. During the show, Jordan Chan had always disliked his son\’s slow walking. When he found out that his son was not keeping up again, his anger reached its peak, and his volume suddenly increased and he shouted: \”Hey, Hurry up.\” Jasper picked up the speaker in his hand and asked his father: \”Can you stop being angry?\” This is a typical \”Chinese father\”, otherwise he will ignore the children.Son, or they are too strict and unable to communicate effectively. Why is this so? I think the main reason is that these fathers are busy working all day long and never participate in their children\’s parent-teacher meetings or school activities. They feel that making money to support the family is what a father should do, and it is naturally the wife\’s responsibility to educate their children. It is rare that I am alone with my children, and because I have never taken care of children before, I don’t know how to get along with them, so I yell at them at every turn. Over a long period of time, children will naturally develop a sense of distance from such a father, causing the father to be unable to enter the child\’s heart. \”The Current Situation of Family Education in China\” published the results of a survey conducted in May 2014: The role of \”father\” is absent to a certain extent in Chinese family education, and less than 20% of families have fathers taking the lead in education. Under the traditional concept of \”men taking charge outside and women taking charge inside\”, there are many families where the father is \”absent\”. The father\’s absence is not only the absence of a person, but also the absence of his father\’s education. When my husband\’s son was born, his \”sense of presence\” was also very low. It was not until the child was more than two years old that he felt that the child did not want to come to him easily, and he realized that he had to change. But I always get it wrong. I can\’t even talk for a few words before turning on the yelling mode. Chinese children, especially boys, cannot get along well with their fathers. This has a lot to do with the fact that their fathers are not involved in education. On the surface, mothers are more attentive in taking care of their children\’s diet and daily life, supervise their children\’s homework, and their results are the same as those of their fathers. However, the absence of a father will have a very serious impact on the children. One of them is that when children encounter problems and setbacks, they lack the ability to confront them head-on. They often use inappropriate methods to fight back, or else they give up on themselves. The famous psychologist Gerdi said: \”Father is a unique existence and has a special power in cultivating children.\” The famous educator Spencer also pointed out that father is the guide for children to the outside world. There is no job that you cannot do, only babies who grow up in an instant. The sooner the father understands this truth, the luckier the child will be. Jackie Chan once said after his son\’s drug abuse was exposed: \”I have a great responsibility for my child to become what he is today. I failed to educate the child.\” Jackie Chan is very professional and has always devoted himself to his career. He rarely Gu family. When he was young, his home was just an inn owned by Jackie Chan. The son is not allowed to tell his classmates who his father is. The father and son always meet after 12 midnight, but the child is often already asleep by then. Jackie Chan rarely meets his son Jaycee Chan, and even when they do, they don\’t have much intimacy or communication. Jackie Chan was filming outside and called his son. His communication method was very simple. He only said one, two, three, which means \”Hey, um, ah,\” and hung up the phone after just a few words. After returning home, Jackie Chan talked to his son. He didn\’t say a few words. He felt that his words were not congenial, and he often scolded him. If he failed, he would slap him. This made Jaycee Chan stay away from Jackie Chan as a father. After living like this for a long time, there was a kind of resentment between father and son. Once, the mother saw her son writing in his diary: \”My biggest wish is that my father can come to school to pick me up from school, because the fathers of many classmates in our class come to pick them up from school every day, but I can\’t do it even once.\” No.\”It turned out that after his son went to school, Jackie Chan never went to school to pick him up. Once, Jackie Chan actually went to school to pick up his son. However, when all the students were gone, he still didn\’t pick up his son. It turned out that he went to pick up his son from the elementary school, and the child was already in junior high school. \”It is the father\’s fault if a son fails to teach.\” Even though he has given his son a rich family fortune, he is still an unqualified father. The main way Chinese fathers participate in their children\’s growth is probably to provide financial support for their children. They only position themselves as financial providers to their families, rather than as life mentors and mentors to their children. In the rare time we get together, it is difficult to have intimate communication scenes, and it is more of a condescending lesson. This is a strange phenomenon of Chinese fathers. The less a father spends time with his children, the more he likes to criticize and accuse his children. He may want to use his momentum to establish authority for himself, but in fact it often backfires. \”Positive Discipline\” says that parents should \”win\” their children, not \”win\” them with your own strength. An American educator conducted a survey among 10,000 children about \”the status of your father in your mind.\” Among them: 53% of the children believed that their father was the most respectable person in their minds; 70% of the children Treat your father as the most trustworthy person; 80% of children have always regarded their father as a role model when growing up. However, similar surveys in my country are in contrast to the above results. A survey report by the China Youth Research Center shows that when asked \”Who can best understand and comfort you when you are in a bad mood\”, only 10.0% of children They chose their father; when asked \”Who do you spend more time with in your free time?\”, only 6.9% of people chose their father; when asked \”Who are you most willing to tell your inner secrets?\” Only 8.5% of teenagers choose their father. What causes the lack of fatherly education? In the online survey, 61% of the respondents believed that the reason was because the father \”worked a lot of overtime and had no time to take care of the children\”; 44% attributed the reason to \”coming home late or rarely and having no time to interact\”. Chinese fathers attach too much importance to career success. Little do they know that no matter how successful a person is in his career, it cannot make up for the failure to educate his children. Some time ago, NBA Hall of Fame player Shaquille O\’Neal was talking about his son\’s failure to be selected for the high school All-Star Game. In addition to being aggrieved about his son\’s failure, we also saw a father\’s sense of responsibility. When the OK group disbanded, some media reported that the fundamental reason for the disbandment of the OK group was that after the Lakers won three consecutive championships, O\’Neal was too lazy and didn\’t train much. However, we saw a different O\’Neal in training his son. In order to build his son into a Hall of Fame player, O\’Neal personally went into battle and fought against his son without complaining at all. When Rajeev O\’Neal was hesitant to shoot under the basket, O\’Neal would pat his shoulders and butt and tell him to use his steps flexibly under the basket. Shark O\’Neal\’s son said in an interview: Dad and I are like friends. Compared with the fathers around me, I often lament that my children are not close to me and do not communicate with me, and I feel helpless for this. You can check your conscienceAsk, do you love your child well? Have you attended every parent-teacher meeting with him? Have you seen every handiwork he made? Did you comfort him when he was sad? None of these are done, but family activities are often sacrificed under the pretext of career. If you are not present in the child\’s growth, how can the child be close to you? So, how to truly play the role of \”father\” in family education? Lan Hai, an educational psychology expert from the University of Munich in Germany, came to Han to give a public class and said that if a father is particularly busy, he should do at least two things: The first thing is to hug his children more. The warmth of a father is different from that of a mother. The second thing is to play ball games with your kids, both boys and girls. Playing is a child\’s nature. Ball games require a high degree of coordination and teamwork. Generally speaking, men are better at it. So, dads, please put down your mobile phones, turn off your computers, leave your wine table and dinner, read a book with your children, solve a problem, and play a game.