Chinese-style parents try to use \”hardship education\” to push their children to \”success\”, but they don\’t know that they are destroying their children\’s self-esteem and future.

Recently, a post on the Internet quickly became popular. Although the incident described was small, it aroused strong empathy from countless people. The story takes place in a cake shop. A little girl of five or six years old was shopping for bread with her mother. The little girl happily picked one of her favorite donuts, and then suggested that her mother also pick two, and said: \”One for you, one for me, and one for dad. Okay?\” At this point, it should be a warm and beautiful picture between parents and children. Unexpectedly, the girl\’s mother\’s words suddenly changed the style of the painting. Mom said: \”Why did you buy so much? You will spend all the money given to you, right? We don\’t eat bread, you know how to waste money.\” After hearing this, the little girl froze in place. But after thinking for a moment, she cautiously spoke again: \”That bread is delicious. I want mom and dad to try it.\” Then, her mother said the most breathtaking words: \”Mom and dad have a hard day.\” The hard work is not for eating bread, mom is all for you, making money is not easy…\” The blogger who posted the story mentioned at the end of the story that the little girl\’s mother kept nagging at the side about how hard it is to make money. The girl eventually stopped talking. The blogger said that he witnessed with his own eyes the whole process of this little girl becoming inferior to herself. Once this post was posted, it resonated with many netizens. One netizen pointed out the essence: \”The whole thing is not about more money or less, but about the mother wanting her children to blame themselves and feel guilty.\” This netizen said that although the children spent money, they still have love in their hearts. Yes, she ate the bread herself, thinking that her parents would eat it too. Faced with such a sensible child, the mother can completely change her opinion. For example, \”Mom didn\’t bring enough money today\” or \”Mom doesn\’t want to eat now. If you want, you can share it with your parents.\” Rather than using harsh words and a cold attitude to accuse a child of spending money in public, thus killing a child\’s self-esteem, self-confidence, and her sense of closeness to her mother. Some netizens said: \”It\’s not that they can\’t afford a donut or a small cake, but that some families are used to crying about poverty, and some parents are used to using their own pressure to kidnap their children tightly, and then try to Use the so-called hardship education to push children into a place of guilt, in order to encourage them to work hard.\” When I talk about this, I can\’t help but think of my students. I have students who suffer from depression who get into trouble because of guilt about their parents. Just two days ago, a student said to me: \”If it weren\’t for me, maybe my parents wouldn\’t have to live so tiringly.\” This student had a strong sense of self-loathing and even wanted to leave this school many times. world. Some students also said that they have become more and more conflicted. On the one hand, they feel that their parents speak too much and never consider their feelings; on the other hand, they feel that their parents are doing the right thing because they are too ignorant. In fact, I know very well that these children are forced to have no way out between distress and escape. They want to escape because their parents have disappointed and suppressed them time and time again; they feel distressed because they have been under the painful education of their parents all their lives.Can\’t get rid of the guilt towards my parents. Facing such children, I often feel powerless, and more importantly, distressed. I would tell them: \”The hard life and pain your parents are having has nothing to do with you. These are not caused by you. You don\’t need to feel guilty, self-blame or self-kidnapping for these things.\” After hearing these words, some children may feel It would be better, but there are also some children whose values ​​have been distorted due to their excessive guilt and self-blame, and they feel that they are sorry for their parents and do not deserve to live in the world. Therefore, they torture themselves in various ways. I saw what teacher Dai Jianye said on Douyin: In our Chinese vocabulary, there is a word that describes children as being very cruel, but we all think it is an advantage, that is, they are sensible. Teacher Dai Jianye also said: “Elementary school is for a good junior high school, junior high school is for a good high school, high school is for a good university, university is for a good graduate student, graduate student is for a good job, and work is for making more money. If life is a Racing, all your processes are painful. Only the moment you reach the end is happiness. I say life should be a journey, and the journey will be full of beautiful scenery, and you will be happy if it is just for the sake of it. If you are happy and successful only at the end, then this life will be very sad, and your whole process will be meaningless. \”Why is success and happiness only when you reach the end? Children who receive a difficult education are often the most likely to have low self-esteem and even develop a pleaser personality. Parents hope to get ahead and step out of class, but all of this requires us to be labeled \”sensible\”. Life has countless starting points and ending points. Sometimes we may not need to be \”too sensible\”. Having said all this, I do not mean to blame the parents who said these words. On the contrary, I can better understand the deep love and ardent responsibility these parents have for their children. But everyone has overlooked one point: children are children. They have never been exposed to real life, do not understand the hardship of life, and cannot understand the hardship of making money. There is only love in their hearts. Because they can\’t make money yet, they can only convey love to their parents by spending their money. However, these actions of children are regarded as wasteful spending by parents, who cannot see the emotions behind their children\’s actions. Therefore, we should give our children a relaxing life. I firmly believe that no child can bear the responsibility of not loving his parents, and no child can bear the pressure of making his parents harder because of himself. Therefore, parents often have to consider the impact of what they say on their children. It is true that our lives are hard and raising children is not easy, but this is the responsibility we should bear. We should not pass on stress to our children at a young age in this way because they cannot afford it. As long as we can trust and respect our children, give them confidence and hope, and give them a relaxed life, I believe that our children will have self-esteem, self-reliance, and self-improvement, and will do their best to succeed and create a future that belongs to them.