Close the door, what are your children doing on their phones?

In 2017, from Taiwanese female writer Lin Yihan to Linkin Park lead singer Chester Bennington, to molesting girls in the waiting room of Nanjing South Railway Station, shocking words such as \”sexual assault\” and \”obscene\” were used, and \”young children\” and \” \”Children\” appeared in the news together, constantly stimulating our nerves. We were angry, scolded, and verbally criticized the unscrupulous devil, but then we sadly discovered that: we stopped the devil from reaching out to the child, but we couldn\’t stop the child from taking off his pants and clothes on live broadcast. The 2016 \”China Minors Internet Usage Report\” shows that more than 75% of minors have their own mobile phones, and 91.6% of minors are using the Internet. I believe this proportion will still grow in 2017. But corresponding to the huge proportion, nearly 80% of parents have no supervision over their children\’s online behavior. With the door closed, do we really know what our children are doing on their phones? Are primary school students \”naked\”? What\’s wrong with \”sex education\”? The main contradiction in the sex education of minors in China is the contradiction between the long-term shame of parents talking about \”sex\” and the \”sexual information\” that can be seen everywhere, which leads to \”precocious puberty\” in children. In the first season of \”Qi Pa Shuo\” in 2015, in one issue, Aili said: \”One of the phenomena that I don\’t understand the most in China is that there are very few advertisements for condoms, but advertisements for abortion are everywhere.\” And these two In 2017, with the increasing proportion of minors using mobile phones and the Internet, and the vigorous development of short video and live broadcast platforms, the \”sexual information\” that children receive now is no longer some kissing scenes on TV or posters on buses. The abortion ads are so \”pediatric\”. Earlier, pornographic jokes suddenly appeared in a certain learning APP, as well as guidance on how to write pornographic articles and decompress them. Regardless of the truth, these contents have been seen by countless primary school students. Open the live broadcast platform, and all kinds of sexually suggestive pictures can be seen everywhere. Children have already been exposed to more complex information than the simple word \”sex\” from various channels, but the \”sex education\” we give our children only stops at not allowing others to touch their bodies. \”Sex education\” should not just tell children that the areas covered by their underpants and vests should not be touched by others. In our opinion, children should be told to protect themselves and their private parts should not be touched by others, or go a step further and calmly teach children about various \”sexual organs\” The name is \”sex education\”. But the behavior of primary school students taking off their pants and clothes during live broadcast made me think more deeply: these primary school students who live broadcast, and those little girls who play games and take nude videos, must be ignorant of what they are doing, and they also know that doing so is \”wrong\”. \”You can\’t let your parents know.\” But they still take pictures of their private parts for others to see for reasons such as \”fun\”, \”increasing fans\” or even to get \”nice-looking clothes in the game\”. Is such an incident really just because their parents didn\’t tell them not to let others touch them? Perhaps our concepts have always been too conservative, so that the superficial \”can\’t touch\” and \”can\’t touch\” only aggravate the children\’s curiosity, and even let the children \”show it to others and let others touch it\” behind their parents\’ backs. . Sex education should not only be related to “sex”Guan, it should be more related to \”education\”. Incomplete, unsystematic, and \”sexual\” content that is only revealed after asking makes it easier for children to become curious, imitate, and try. There is an example in the book \”Good Understanding of Virginity\”: a little girl likes to lift up her skirt to show it to the little boy. Her mother stops her and says, \”Under the skirt is your private part.\” The little girl immediately says to the little boy, \”You want to see me.\” private parts? Tao Lin, a member of the Youth Sex Education Committee of the Chinese Sexology Society and president of the Shenzhen Sexology Society, said: Children are a blank sheet of paper. If they are given normative and serious sex knowledge, they will face it with a scientific attitude; they will be secretive and have only a half-knowledge. On the contrary, it arouses curiosity, coupled with the overwhelming sexual information in the media and the Internet, it may induce dangerous attempts. Perhaps those things that seem to us to be too \”advanced\” and \”explicit\” are the contents that are inevitable and should not be covered up in sex education. Sex education gives children not only sexual knowledge, but also healthy sexual concepts. Human beings are naturally more curious about things that they don’t know, and the more they want to try, the more they know about things, the more they reduce their desire to explore. A nationwide survey in the United States shows that young people who have received formal \”sex education\” are less likely to have sex prematurely and have fewer sexual partners as adults than their peers who have not experienced sex education. Many research results also show that formal sex education delays the age at which teenagers have sex for the first time. For young people who have already had sex, receiving sex education can effectively reduce the frequency of sex and the number of sexual partners. quantity. Knowing how to conduct \”sex education\” is key. Children are surrounded by all kinds of sexual hints and stimulation. This cannot be avoided or eliminated. From the reports of obscenity and sexual assault in the newspapers to the live broadcast of primary school students exposing their bodies, our children\’s sex education should also complete the upgrade from \”protecting ourselves\” to \”establishing healthy sexual concepts.\” What kind of \”sex education\” should be given to children? Different experts and scholars have different opinions, and different parents also have different opinions. In my opinion, \”sex education\” for children should follow at least three principles: Principle 1: The earlier \”sex education\” starts, the better the sex education for children. , there is never such a thing as \”too early\”, no matter how early it is, it is never as early as the child receiving sexual information. Receiving \”sexual information\” begins as soon as a child is born. For young children, seeing their parents\’ bodies in the bath, peeing differently from opposite-sex parents, and having different feelings when their private parts of the body are touched are all sexual messages they are receiving. Even for older children, dirty words about genitals, overly revealing clothing worn by passers-by, intimate scenes on TV, etc. are all sexual messages surrounding them. For children who go to school and are no longer under the constant control of their parents, there are more ways to receive sexual information, such as pornographic emoticons in WeChat, pop-up ads on websites, and messages about \”finding a husband\” and \”finding a wife\” in games. Pornographic books secretly brought by classmates and even pornographic jokes told by adults are all accelerating children\’s sexual maturity. The earlier \”sex education\” is started, the better it can balance the inaccurate sexual information that children receive from all aspects of life, and the less it will make children \”shy\” and \”avoidant\”\” and other emotions. Principle 2: The calmer the attitude, the better. \”Mom, why don\’t you have a penis? \”Mom, where did I come from?\” \”Mom, why does daddy pee standing up?\” \”Mom, what are you and dad doing?\” \”(Pointing to sanitary napkins and condoms) What is this?\” What is this for? \”Many times we don\’t realize that when children ask us these questions, any cover-up or avoidance attitude is sending a signal to the children: This kind of question should not be asked, and parents will not answer it. . And scolding completely closes the door for children to learn about \”sex\” from formal channels, and instead becomes sneaky and more curious. When children want to take the initiative to learn about sex-related issues, they should answer \”Why is the sun round?\” Just like \”Why should we eat vegetables?\”, give the child the answer naturally with an attitude; after missing the stage when the child likes to ask questions, read picture books and sex education books with the child calmly, and calmly face the child\’s vague feelings towards the opposite sex. .Only when parents do not think that \”sex\” is a shameful and unspeakable thing, can children establish correct sexual concepts, believe in sexual knowledge obtained from formal channels, and reduce the stimulation, curiosity and excitement of small pop-ups and pornographic pictures. The desire to try. Principle 3: The more scientific the content, the better. Language is a wonderful thing. Even if children do not understand the meaning of words, they can feel the different emotional colors of words from the context and emotion. The same is sex education, when we call When the scientific name of the genitals is given instead of the \”vulgar\” nickname, our attitude will definitely be much more natural, and the children will treat sexual organs the same as hands, feet, heart and other organs. When we say \”menstruation is caused by the endometrium of the female uterus\” Periodic shedding\”, and we say \”This is called aunt, some people say it is unlucky, this means you are a big girl\”, the two sentences have completely different feelings for children – the former is scientific knowledge, the latter is As a generation that has not received formal sex education, if we give children scientific sex education, there will inevitably be omissions and avoidance. However, as long as we change our concepts and follow the above three principles, children\’s \”sex education\” will not Difficulty: Step 1: Start now to choose and buy sex education picture books and readers on the market that are suitable for children of different ages; Step 2: Read with your children just like you would read any other picture books or readers; Step 3: Face your children’s suggestions Answer the questions scientifically, without being shy, covering up, or avoiding. Reading and learning sexual knowledge with your children, like learning any other knowledge, is the best sexual education we can give your children. If you find that your child has been exposed to What should parents do about harmful sexual information, such as peeking at pornographic pictures, telling dirty jokes, or filming nude videos? Many parents will be anxious. If they expose their children and discuss this topic seriously, will it cause psychological shadow on their children? What if If we let it go, will the child become a \”bad learner\”? Let\’s consider a question. If the child is playful and doesn\’t do his homework, should we correct him? Will we worry about pointing out that he didn\’t do his homework and causing a psychological shadow on him? ?No way? Then why should we be in danger when it comes to exposure to harmful sexual information? ForFor children, they all make mistakes, and it is nothing more than a matter of big mistakes and small mistakes. The only thing that can cast a shadow on a child is the attitude of the parents. The correct attitude is to not ignore, avoid, or reprimand. Understand that children are naturally curious about sexual information. Guide children to distinguish what is beneficial sexual knowledge to themselves and what is harmful sexual stimulation. You can also take this opportunity to educate your children. How can scientific and systematic sex education have a psychological impact on children? Regarding the topic of \”children\’s sex education\”, it has been unspeakable and unspeakable for a long time. As a result, many children are either sexually open or sexually shameful when they grow up. They also absorb a lot of wrong sexual knowledge, which hurts others and themselves. Nowadays, we not only have to overcome the \”sexual shame\” of adults, but we also need to learn scientific methods to speak when facing children. Only in this way can we help children establish healthy sexual concepts and better protect themselves.