Compared with speaking and teaching, listening to children is more important

I often see parents yelling at their children in some public places: \”Stop talking, I have the final say!\” \”What do you know, don\’t talk to me?\” \”You also said, I will beat you!\” Parents act condescendingly. I am teaching my children a lesson. I hope the child\’s mouth can be sealed. In fact, it is not the child\’s mouth that is sealed, but the child\’s heart and mind. When they are young, children are always willing to get close to their parents and hope to talk to them more. But parents who are too busy always unconsciously push away children who come over. Tell your child that you are busy, you are busy, wait a minute, wait a minute. As a result, the child grows up day by day. Suddenly looking back, there was no chance to look back. Stephen Chow\’s classic dialogue in Westward Journey: Once upon a time, there was a sincere love in front of me, but I didn\’t cherish it. I only regretted it when I lost it. The most painful thing in the world is this… If God If you can give me another chance, I will say three words to that girl: \”I love you.\” If I have to add a time limit to this love, I hope it is… ten thousand years! Touched thousands of men and women. In fact, when you have this kind of thing, you don’t know how to cherish it, but when you lose it, you realize that you regret and suffer too much. Not only love, but also parent-child love: \”There was once a child in front of me who loved me and needed me, but I didn\’t cherish it. I regretted it only when the child grew up. The greatest pain of being a parent is this… …If God can allow me to raise my children again, I will be reborn and tell myself to love my children well. But growth is irreversible, and there will be no repeat if you miss it.\” The philosopher Heraclitus said: In one\’s life You can\’t step into the same river twice. Deep to the bone. If one day, the child flashes his bright eyes. Ask you: \”Dad, why can ducks swim but chickens can\’t swim?\” \”Why is the train so long and has so many wheels, but the bicycle only has two wheels?\” \”Mom, why does the little rabbit like to eat radishes?\” Then look forward to it when you answer. You can either turn a deaf ear to it and just talk about your own affairs. Or just make up a reason to deceive the child. The child was pushed away before the question was finished. Some people just say they are listening, but their hearts are not in it. When your children are talking to you, keep your eyes on the TV or mobile phone. As a child, you may also feel frustrated and discouraged. So the child \”just forget it\”, and as time goes by, he chooses to \”shut up\”. When the child is older and says to you for the first time, \”Mom, can you give me 10 yuan?\” I just say it without waiting for the child to say that the child knows how to spend money indiscriminately. When a child says he likes a classmate of the opposite sex. Without waiting for the child to finish speaking, he immediately warned and scolded him. When a child says he wants to read a novel. Without waiting for the child to finish speaking, he directly said not to read, but to study. Some of the words are said and some are hidden. But often the last part is the child’s true intention. Maybe the 10 yuan is donated to the students in the class who need it, or maybe it\’s a holiday gift for you? Why don\’t you listen to your children and tell them why? Liking a friend of the opposite sex is a sign of a child’s mental maturity and is completely understandableIf the child is able to speak, it shows that he still trusts his parents and hopes to receive guidance. Why not listen to your child\’s feelings and plans. You may have never heard of the extracurricular books that your children like, so you just use your own arbitrary feelings to deny them. Reading must be based on new curriculum standards and the teacher\’s permission. To be honest, the ocean of knowledge is vast, how much can you and I sort out. Why not have a good chat with your kids about your ideas. Many parents are unwilling to listen because they love prohibiting their children. Because prohibition itself can relieve one\’s own anxiety. No parent can escape anxiety. Don\’t always tell your children \”no\”, \”forbidden\” or \”don\’t do this\”. Sometimes it is out of worry and anxiety that children are prohibited from doing this or that. Because this sense of control can make us feel fulfilled and at peace inside. If you try to raise your children through \”control\”, you will end up with an anxious and irritable self and a rebellious child with personality defects. Because control and counter-control will only plunge the parent-child relationship into an abyss. Some mothers proudly said when talking about their children: \”I say one, but he dare not say two. I beat him and scold him, but he still gets closer to me.\” \”What if he is 12 years old? He will still be closer to me.\” Is that so?\” \”I don\’t know!\” When a child is young, he becomes dependent because of fear. He really can\’t live without his parents. This is a need for survival with no choice. But when they entered their teenage years, they discovered a new world and a new self. At that time, your control will only intensify the child\’s inner distance from you. Many parents feel that the older their children get, the less able they are to speak their true feelings. This makes parents extremely anxious. They want to know what their children are thinking, but their children just won\’t tell you. Apart from simple greetings, there is basically no in-depth communication between parents and children. When the soul is far away and cannot feel your light and heat, there is only closed loneliness and coldness. When the bridge of communication is broken, it can only be like two isolated islands, with no communication between them. This is how many teenage problems arise. Parents who do not listen to their children cannot raise a child who is willing to listen. Without a parent who is willing to listen, the child\’s mouth will also choose to close. Many mothers say that problems arise when their children go to school and interact with other children. Problems that were not discovered at home are often discovered by the touchstone of school. For example, many children cannot listen to other children. They don\’t listen when other kids or even teachers tell them the rules. Then when it comes to playing, they play according to their own temperament, resulting in constant conflicts. Children in this category often lack listening at home. Because they are often the ones who give orders and play off their tempers. Maybe parents themselves often give instructions to their children, asking them to do this and do that. I never squat down and have a good talk with my children. Small children need parents to listen patiently. Because their pronunciation is not accurate, it is very difficult to express a meaning. Sometimes the logic is reversed. Don\’t laugh at this time, but encourage the child, look at him, listen patiently, and give reminders when needed. Xiao Xiaoyu will often tell me some of his discoveries. He would also tell me some dinosaur stories he made up.Things, sometimes I stutter in a sentence. But I will not be anxious, but listen to him with a smile. Children will often ask you excitedly to see their new discoveries. Of course you should follow your child to observe with interest, confirm his findings, and take this opportunity to have a good talk with your child. For example, if a child finds a cicada on the bark of a tree, you can tell him the story of the cicada. Once your child discovers the differences in leaves on trees, some are big and some are small, you can talk to your child about the differences between trees and shrubs. This kind of natural education is much better than asking your children to learn. Don’t think that your children are young and don’t understand anything. In fact, their brains actively receive and store information every day. Many times, children talk to you to make sure you love them. Because this is a way of establishing a sense of security, they need their parents\’ love and attention. Children need their parents to empathize with them. When your child tells you something, put down your phone, stay away from the TV, stop doing housework, listen carefully, and replace absent-mindedness with listening attentively. When your eyes are looking at the face you are looking at and you interact with him, the communication effect will be better. Take reading as an example. When I tell my son about picture books, he always wants me to hold him and look back at my face from time to time. Of course, now we read a picture book together more often, head to head, so that he can I could see his look on my face. When teaching him to read the Three Character Classic or Tang poetry, I would sit face to face with him and communicate with each other. Because I found that as soon as I was distracted, my child would be distracted immediately. Parents\’ influence is really great. When we really put aside our own identity, squat down, and communicate with our children sincerely, we will also gain a child who is willing to open up and be positive and optimistic.