Compared with the baby being afraid of the difficulty and retreating, I am more afraid that I did not push her gently behind her.

You can\’t help but wonder, Guangzhou has entered a hot summer, and there are a lot of mosquitoes downstairs in the community. I thought that taking my two kids to the baby swimming pool every afternoon after nap would increase the amount of exercise and eliminate the need to feed mosquitoes downstairs. This would kill two birds with one stone. When we arrived at the swimming pool, Ning Ning had a lot of fun as soon as she got in the water, but Lisa cried loudly. All kinds of teasing failed, so I had to quickly pick her up from the water. I\’m a little confused. Lisa took her to swim when she was three or four months old. She had a great time swimming, but it was cold in the first few months and she stopped swimming. Now that she starts swimming, why is there such a big reaction? Is it because you are afraid of water or for other reasons? I am very familiar with Xiao Hui from the swimming pool. When talking to her about Lisa\’s situation, she said calmly: \”It\’s so normal! Many children are very uncomfortable if they don\’t swim for several months. You need to find out the cause before treating the symptoms.\” , I solved it step by step.\” The next day, I took them to the swimming pool again. I first held Lisa to familiarize myself with the environment, then put her into a swimsuit. I held her and sat by the pool to watch my second sister Ning Ning swim. Her little feet were playing happily in the pool. After a while, she bent down with a smile, and her chubby hands stretched out desperately into the water. Seeing that she was in good condition, I tried to hold her armpits with both hands and let the water cover her waist. I held her and played in the water for a while, just like yesterday when she cried as soon as she was put into the water. Compared to today, we have made much progress. After supporting her to swim for a while, I got tired, so I asked Xiaohui to bring the swimming ring. Unexpectedly, Lisa started crying again as soon as she entered the swimming circle. I didn\’t pick her up, but held her armpits and let her lie down on the swimming ring. Perhaps because she could feel her mother\’s support, she started swimming again with confidence. With the help of the swimming ring, I felt much more relaxed and supported her with only a small amount of force. I slowly let go while observing her condition. After a few minutes, seeing her and Ning Ning having so much fun, I took the opportunity to let go completely, but she didn\’t notice and had completely adapted to swimming on her own. I originally thought it might take a long time for Lisa to get used to the swimming pool again. Unexpectedly, in just ten minutes, with the support of adults, she easily overcame her fear of water. While driving one day, I listened to Dr. Cohen’s audio lesson, which mentioned that when a child faces a new challenge or is scared and afraid, and is about to turn around and run away, you can use the “nudge” method to help him. He himself used nudges to cure her sister\’s fear of heights. Once, my sister and I went to see a waterfall. When we were 50 feet away from the waterfall, my sister felt scared and stopped walking forward. When my sister turned around and was about to walk back, I gently pulled her arm, looked into her eyes, and said to her: \”We won\’t take a step forward until you are ready.\” Wait. After a while, I asked the sister next to me: \”Can we try to take a step forward now?\” My sister took a small step. I realized that although this was only a small step for my sister, emotionally, it was a big step forward. It\’s a big step. Every step we took, we would stop and take a deep breath with her. I kept trying to push her gently and tell her that it was better to go back.It’s safe, but we’re also safe here. A few times, my sister even took a small step back because she was too nervous. That was okay. I continued to nudge her and encouraged her. You have come a long way. In the end, my sister successfully overcame her fear of heights and even went skydiving later. Hearing this, I felt a little proud. It turned out that I had unintentionally used the nudge method to deal with Lisa\’s fear of water. But then I thought about it, and I felt a little ashamed. I could understand and accept the baby\’s fear of water so much, and observed and nudged her step by step in the process. But a few years ago, when I was facing an older child, In other situations, I did very poorly. When Xiaopai was more than 4 years old, he got otitis media after catching a cold. My mother happened to have a throat discomfort, so she took them to the ear, nose and throat hospital for treatment. The doctor arranged for my mother to have a laryngoscope, and Xiaopai to have an ear endoscope. Xiaopai and I were still waiting in line, but my mother just came back from laryngoscopy and couldn\’t help but complain to me that laryngoscopy was too uncomfortable! When Xiao Pai heard this, she immediately became nervous and said with a flat mouth, \”I don\’t want to do an ear endoscopy!\” I explained to her that the two are completely different. An ear endoscopy does not hurt at all and does not require anesthesia. As a result, she didn\’t listen at all and kept mumbling \”No, no\”. The more I explained, the more emotional she became. When the doctor called, she started crying loudly. Seeing that we hadn\’t gone in yet, the doctor was also very impatient and shouted at us whether he should do anything or not. Pai\’s dad and I made the worst choice at that time and became the most rude parents ever filmed in online videos. We staged a dragging fight, trying to drag Pai Pai to the doctor. The 4-year-old Xiao Pai probably used the animal\’s survival instinct, crying and resisting with all her strength. The entire corridor of the hospital was about to collapse from her cries. We were so exhausted that we finally had to compromise and give up. More than five years have passed since this incident, and writing it out now still makes my heart beat faster and my face turn red with shame. I deeply regret the roughness of my actions, the barbaric attitude, and the lack of empathy. My friend Sister Wei and I also had the same painful experience. Her daughter started learning the violin at the age of 5. By the 6th year, she had basically learned all the techniques, and the next step was to consolidate them through practice. But when the child returns home from class, he rarely takes the initiative to practice. When he goes to the teacher\’s class every week, the progress of the class is too slow because of too little practice. Sister Wei said that I was also annoyed to see her not practicing the piano, and going to the teacher to take lessons without practicing, which was too inefficient and a waste of money. I told her that if she wanted to learn, she should practice the piano every day, or else she wouldn’t learned. The child thought for a while and said, then I won’t study. From then on, she never touched the violin again. Sister Wei feels sad every time she mentions this matter. A few years later, Sister Wei, who has grown up a lot, told me: \”Actually, at that time, my daughter was still very willing to take lessons from the teacher. As long as I gave her a little push while practicing the piano, she would definitely be able to persevere. Now she is taking lessons.\” In junior high school, many classmates in the class had talents, but she only envied them, and sometimes she would blame me for not helping her persevere.\” Sister Wei\’s words made me feel particularly regretful. When facing difficulties and unknowns, whether adults or children, the firstThe reaction was to back off. If we can be more understanding and accepting, see how we can stand with him, help him, and give him a gentle push from behind when necessary; instead of standing aside and letting him make his own choice, or Use violence to force him to choose whether to do something or not. The child may have already passed that threshold. Dr. Cohen\’s \”Nudge\” has 4 steps. My blood and tears lessons prompted me to silently record them in my notebook. 1. Accept your child’s current emotions without judging. 2. Break down the task and accompany your child to take the crucial first step. 3. Observe the child\’s emotions at any time and identify the child\’s emotional critical point. Neither let the child escape nor let the child be frightened. You can pause, but you cannot give up. 4. When a child makes a leap, give him feedback to let him know that he has made great progress, thereby motivating him to accept the next challenge. Of course, he is also allowed to retreat and be given more hugs and encouragement. I believe these 4 steps can be used when children face various difficulties, and they will be of great help to me. It’s impossible for me to go back to Xiaopai’s childhood and modify her growth experience, but I can start over and not let myself make the same mistakes again. As a parent, this is how you grow as you go. Don\’t think about the past and don\’t be afraid of the future.