Competing with my 15-year-old son, I have experienced all the humiliations: when a boy enters adolescence, and if his parents confront him head-on, he will lose completely.

When my children reached adolescence, I truly realized what it means to \”accompany you like a tiger.\” My son is 15 years old and is in the third grade of junior high school. In elementary school, he was gentle and obedient, and he basically didn’t worry me about his studies and life. But when I entered junior high school, I suddenly felt like a different person. Especially after entering the third grade of junior high school, I became even more grumpy and angry at the slightest sign. When I was at home on the weekend, I went into his room to deliver fruit. When I saw him looking at his phone, I told him: Stop looking at the phone for a while and study hard. It’s already the third year of junior high school. I consciously spoke in a gentle tone and did not mean to blame, but my son became very emotional and came to me: Why didn’t I study? I\’ve been studying in this room all morning, didn\’t you see? Just look at my phone right now and you’re going to say I didn’t study? Looking at his posture like a fighting cock, I wanted to question him: \”Shouldn\’t I tell you to study? What\’s wrong with you?\” But I was afraid that it would cause an argument and affect his mood and study, so I had to hold back. . I just endured it, holding it back, trying my best to watch what was happening, being careful not to talk like an adolescent gangster. But my son doesn\’t know how to restrain himself. Even trivial things can cause him to explode, making me don\’t know how to get along with him. At dinner that night, I cooked a table of my son\’s favorite dishes and discussed with him whether he should attend a few tutoring classes as a surprise before the high school entrance examination. Whatever he says is fine, just look at the arrangements. I said no, no, no, I arranged it. If you don’t fall in love with it, it won’t achieve the results, and it’s a waste of money. Each class costs several hundred, which is quite expensive. My son said, let’s just take English and Mathematics, and I can do the rest by myself. But my son\’s physics is also relatively average. I suggested: \”Son, why don\’t I enroll you in physics? Listen to the teacher and consolidate it.\” My son was very impatient: \”I won\’t take it.\” I continued to persuade: \”Mom, yes I don’t care about the money. It’s for your own good. Why don’t I cook these dishes for you to eat?” The son suddenly changed his face and became furious, throwing his chopsticks on the table. He threw it hard and said, \”I won\’t eat it!\” Seeing his attitude, I also got angry: What\’s your attitude? Isn’t it easy for me to discuss this with you? I don’t usually get along with you, I just let you go, I’m not afraid of you, you’re still addicted to losing your temper! Something is wrong! Before I finished speaking, my son seemed to have mutated and shouted at me: You are sick! You are sick! I asked you to do whatever you wanted, but you had to ask me! I told you not to take physics! I told you but you didn’t listen, the ink marks are still there! You can arrange it however you want, and don\’t ask me again! So annoying! Tears streamed down his face, and he couldn\’t get enough of his anger, so he came over and turned the table over. Seeing the carefully prepared meal turned into a mess, I collapsed. Isn\’t it just for him that I spend money to let him make up lessons? ! Otherwise, why don’t I keep the flowers for myself? But not only was my hard work not understood, it also earned my son dissatisfaction and resentment! 02 During that time, my son\’s mood was very unstable, and he looked negative and impatient all day long. A bad mood will inevitably affect your study status, and your test scores will get worse every time. I really can’t figure it out, how could my son be so angry and unable to say a word? What should I do to stop my son from being so obsessive and listen to what I say? alsoI was forced to have no choice but to listen to the advice of my friends and began to learn how to educate adolescent children. Only then did I gradually realize that children\’s emotional instability is actually understandable. The rebellion of adolescent children is the result of both internal and external factors. First of all, from the perspective of internal causes, it is a natural phenomenon of physiological changes. During adolescence, cortisol and serotonin levels in the body fluctuate. Cortisol causes feelings of anxiety, while serotonin relieves anxiety. Therefore, adolescent children tend to lose control of their emotions easily and behave in unpredictable ways. Maybe the parent exploded without even saying a word. Secondly, from the perspective of external factors, parents always want to have the final say. Always start from your own point of view and let your children obey and do as they are told, regardless of their wishes and feelings. When they were young, children would behave obediently, and parents would get used to getting along with their children in this way. But in adolescence, the child has his own opinions and his desire to make his own decisions becomes stronger. He desires to have the final say. At this time, if parents do not adjust their communication methods and educational ideas in time and still use the original model to get along with their children, it will inevitably trigger a strong reaction from their children. In the past, when my son lost control of his emotions, he often accused me of being controlling, not listening to his opinions, and always following my own ideas. I feel baffled because I have always treated you this way, why did you suddenly change? It must be rebellious in adolescence. But in the eyes of my son, he is angry and helpless: \”I have grown up, please stop asking me to order you like a child!\” It is only now that I understand the child\’s \”cry\” little by little. So what do I do to calm my child\’s emotions and stop letting fluctuating emotions affect his learning? In fact, there are only two key points that need to be done: first, delegate power and return autonomy to the child; second, motivate and then guide him to manage himself well. The specific operations are as follows. 031. Stop doing everything, delegate more power, give autonomy to the children, and give them room to try and make mistakes. Only then can children have a \”sense of self-control.\” Before, I never realized that I was a controlling mother. I always thought that my son was rebellious in adolescence. I just said something and he flew into a rage. Although I rarely spank or scold my children, I occasionally criticize them and pay attention to my words. But in fact, I have always been \”controlling\” my children. I hope that my children will do everything according to my ideas. I always want to interfere with my children, which is also very controlling. In this kind of education method, children\’s inner real needs are suppressed, and they have no \”sense of self-control\”. Especially in adolescence, long-suppressed dissatisfaction is gradually released, coupled with the \”loss of control\” over one\’s own life and study, one will become anxious and irritable, and finally begin to confront parents. If you want to change this situation, you must return autonomy to your child and give him more freedom and space. A sense of autonomy is one of people\’s basic psychological needs. Only children with autonomy can awaken their inner motivation and creativity and constantly experience a sense of control over their lives. I paid special attention to this in our subsequent interactions. Whether it\’s a study assignment, what clothes to buy, what hairstyle to have, or which cram school to attend, I will first ask him about his own arrangements, and then say, \”Your arrangements are quite reasonable.Do it yourself.\” (This means respecting his thoughts and wishes.) For an adolescent son, this is not a matter of what clothes to wear or how many classes to attend, but whether he is respected by his mother. I I also found an opportunity to sincerely apologize to my son: Son, my mother was really too strong in the past and did not respect you enough. Now I know how annoying this is, and I will try to correct it in the future. If my mother makes you uncomfortable by speaking or asking, You can remind me that our main goal is to grow together! The son joked: I don’t dare, mother. I can see that my son is in a good mood, and he even took the initiative to buy me a cup of milk tea and apologized to the child. Mistakes will not weaken the authority of the parents, but will allow the children to see a role model who can take responsibility. With a sense of control, the son will also have the opportunity to take responsibility for himself. More than half of his irritability and emotions are no longer everywhere. Just confront me and he will be satisfied. When I talk again, he will listen patiently, and the parent-child relationship will become much more harmonious. 2. See the child\’s emotional and psychological needs, and guide the child to learn self-management and self-motivation through positive incentives. In the past, I would be very concerned about my son\’s emotions, hoping that he could control his temper and not affect his studies. But the more I asked, the more irritated my son became, and finally he fell into a vicious cycle. After studying, I realized that emotions are important. No matter whether they are happy, peaceful, angry, or irritable, they are all normal emotions. The purpose of guiding children to manage their emotions is not to make them lose their temper, but to let them use better emotions. One day, my son was doing his homework until 9 o\’clock. I asked him to take a break and eat some fruit. My son looked impatient and said, \”No! The school has to do all these bad homework until 12 o\’clock.\” It’s not over! I’m exhausted every day! What time do you get off work? I still have to do these bad homework when I get back from school! This time, I didn’t accuse him of losing his temper and asked him, “Is this such a small thing important? \”But first see his emotions, and then provide guidance and relief. First, give him some time to vent. If parents rush to guide before their emotions are vented, neither persuasion nor empathy will be effective. The effect. After my son vented for a while and his emotions slowly calmed down, I walked over and said with a smile: Really, you kids are much more tired now than when we were in school. We didn’t have so much homework back then! In the tutoring class, I try to describe my child’s emotions after school, and the child will feel that my mother understands her and can accept his emotions. I told him that when my mother first started working, she was under a lot of pressure at work. My boss was moody and very good at PUA. I felt depressed every day and had an emotional breakdown when I got home, which seriously affected my physical and mental health. At that time, I really wanted to quit my job! Later, I signed up for a Muay Thai class and sweated like rain every night. The dummy is imagined to be the leader. After the exercise, the suppressed emotions are gone. It may be that the period of exercise has changed his temperament and made him stronger mentally. At work, the leader no longer dares to get angry with me. Even if he is looking for trouble, I will remain calm and haveFight back with reason. My son was very surprised: \”I can\’t tell, mom, you have also practiced Muay Thai.\” I nodded: \”Yes, in life, stress and emotions are always everywhere, and running away cannot solve the problem. Just like when I resigned There is no guarantee that the next leader we meet will be better. Only by finding a way to manage and resolve emotions can we coexist with pressure and become a better version of ourselves.\” The son nodded in agreement. I suggest that you go to bed early tonight if you are tired. I will not write the rest of the homework and my mother will sign it for you. My son laughed and said, \”Let\’s just write. Don\’t bring my mother into trouble.\” We both laughed. In the past, every time I saw my son having emotions, I thought he was ignorant and should not, let alone understand and empathize with him. Now, as I see and understand my son\’s emotions more and more, he has fewer and fewer emotional outbursts. The emotions were accepted and slowly released by him. They would not be blocked due to repression and eventually completely erupted. After overcoming the mood swings of adolescence, my son has become much calmer. His energy and attention have gradually converged, and he has returned to his studies, and his grades have steadily improved. Saying goodbye to this torturous period of \”accompanying a king is like accompanying a tiger\”, I would like to say to parents who have adolescent \”rebellious children\”: when children enter adolescence, they can no longer treat them with the past communication methods and educational concepts. But adolescence is not that scary. As long as we maintain a learning and growing mentality, learn to delegate authority, and learn to accept and understand, children will eventually come out of the emotional whirlpool.