Confident and generous children cannot do without their mother’s practice

When I first started working, I was always curious about a question: Why can foreigners live so confidently? But I can\’t? My first job was as an intern at a private investment company, and my immediate boss was a capable German lady. Two months after my internship, my boss gave me feedback on my work. After saying a lot of words of encouragement, she asked me: \”Can I ask you a personal question?\” I nodded. She said: \”Sometimes, I ask you something, and after you give me the answer, you have to explain the reason, for fear that I don\’t believe you. For example, I ask you if you can make a profit and loss statement, and you say yes, and then you say How did you learn it, what have you done before…\” There was curiosity in her eyes: \”Why do you feel you need to explain yourself in order to gain my trust?\” After this conversation, I thought about it carefully and found that she was right. Quite right. In the first month of my internship, I had a high fever of 39 degrees and kept going to work. On the third day, I couldn\’t stand it any longer, so I asked for leave. When I asked for leave, I was afraid that she wouldn\’t believe it, so I took a photo of the 39-degree thermometer and sent it to her along with the leave request email. When I was working on a project with my colleagues and something went wrong, no one had anyone to blame, but I just felt a little \”guilty\” and worried that everyone would think I was responsible, so I couldn\’t help but explain: I followed the steps, absolutely. Didn\’t do anything wrong. British educator Whitehead\’s Purpose of Education PDF On the other hand, when looking at his German colleagues, when they asked for sick leave, they simply said \”I have a cold\”; even if something went wrong at work, they would not feel guilty or short of breath, and their attitude would still be natural and magnanimous, which made me feel more confident Be cautious. After changing jobs several times, I joined a large German Internet company and had a French colleague sitting across from me. At a company party, after drinking for three rounds, he said jokingly: \”May, have you noticed that D (a Chinese colleague) is a Yesmann (yes man).\” I heard it a bit harsh, so I asked him: \”Why? ?\” He curled his lips and said, \”Didn\’t you notice? As soon as someone started to speak, he kept nodding his head and saying \’um\’, \’um\’, \’yes\’… for fear that others wouldn\’t know that he understood. I agree, and I have to prove it to everyone…Several Chinese colleagues did the same, but none of them were obvious…\” I was young and energetic at the time, and felt that his words insulted my motherland and compatriots at the same time, so I immediately refuted him with a smile: \”This is the etiquette of us Chinese, to show respect. In Chinese culture, D is a very polite person.\” He sensed my disgust, and probably also realized that complaining about a Chinese person against another Chinese person is a rude behavior. Not a very bright idea. So he chuckled twice, turned professional, and said, \”That may be a cultural difference… However, rushing to confirm with little knowledge will appear to be very junior. I just reminded you in a friendly way.\” Although his words were harsh, But then I thought about it, and it makes some sense. Whether it is D, myself, or other Chinese colleagues, when others speak, they do tend to be \”too positive and agreeable\”: sometimes the other party rushes to express themselves with \”I understand\” and \”right\” before they have finished speaking. To gain the other party\’s trust. The European and American colleagues around me, even though they are immigrants and have low-level positions, they still look calm., will not be eager to express himself, will not feel guilty, will not explain himself too much… his face is full of peace of mind, and his whole body is justified. Why can foreigners live so confidently? But we can\’t? Our generation of Chinese people have lived in a \”questioned\” environment since childhood. Even if we strive hard, we cannot fully gain the recognition of our parents and elders. Did you study really hard? Why do others get better grades than you? You really didn\’t spend money randomly? Why do others save more than you? Are you really actively looking for a partner? Why are everyone else getting married and having children? \”I don\’t believe you…\” is what many people most often hear from their parents. How can a person live confidently without feeling the trust and approval of his parents since he was a child? Children who grow up in this kind of atmosphere will naturally feel that \”trust and recognition have to be earned through a hundred times of hard work.\” Friend A is in his thirties and has a successful career. When he calls his parents, he is still questioned in various ways. She was unsuccessful in getting promoted: \”Are you not serious enough at work?\” She broke up with her boyfriend: \”Are you too tough-minded?\” She missed the opportunity to buy a house: \”Do you have any ideas about financial management?\” She sighed: \”So When others treat me better, I will doubt, \’Am I worthy?\’, but if they trust me once, I will be grateful.\” Only when children grow up trusting their parents, will they believe in themselves from the bottom of their hearts and grow into a self-respecting, self-respecting person. Self-loving, confident people. After understanding this truth, as a mother, she will naturally want to work hard to create an environment where her children are respected and trusted. But it is really difficult to resist your own nature, not to be picky, not to question, and to trust your children unconditionally! Especially when raising a first child, like me and Da Jiang. When Da Jiang was a child, I was very strict with him. I was often picky and seldom recognized him. Coupled with his sensitive personality, Da Jiang, who was 5 or 6 years old, looked cautious all day long. Sometimes he doesn\’t do anything wrong, but when I look at him, he will act inexplicably guilty. If I ask a few questions casually, he may explain a lot in a low voice. After he entered elementary school, his self-awareness became much stronger. In addition, I had a few more years of experience as a mother and learned to be patient. I began to recognize and trust him, and his heart gradually became firmer. When he was 6 years old, I persuaded him to eat fish, and he made his first declaration of independence: \”Mom, everyone should have the right to decide what they want to eat. I don\’t like fish.\” When he was talked back to, my first reaction was of course He was angry, but then he thought: Has he learned to fight for his own rights? So she suppressed the scolding and praised her insincerely: You are right, mom is very happy that you know what you want and what you don\’t want. When he was 9 years old, Da Jiang participated in an interest class. The teacher was very professional and the teaching effect was very good. I was very happy and felt that I had finally found a long-term learning project. One day in class, the teacher of the interest class asked the children to form groups and supervise each other. If the other party did not do well, they could be \”spanked\” as punishment. Da Jiang refused in public. After being severely criticized by the teacher, he still did not obey the teacher\’s orders. Instead, he said quietly but firmly: \”Corporal punishment is wrong, and it is even illegal in Germany.\” During the break, the teacher came to complain to me. SpecializeTeachers with such a high professional level are very difficult to find anywhere. Although I was a little hesitant, I still wanted Da Jiang to continue taking classes. Dad Jiang and I called to discuss how to persuade Da Jiang to apologize to the teacher. As a result, Dad Jiang asked me: Do you think it is more important for children to learn skills, or to maintain a brave, firm and confident heart? I rolled my eyes on the other end of the phone: Of course the latter is important, but do you know how awesome this teacher is? Dad Jiang said: \”It is a rare courage for Jiang to speak out in public and resist authority. We should not attack this courage, but should trust his judgment and encourage his behavior.\” He then took out his trump card: \”You are not I always say, do you want your children to live more confidently? Now the test is coming. Do you want Da Jiang to feel that no matter what the authority says, he should obey and accept it unconditionally; or do you want him to maintain independent and clear judgment and become a What about people with a strong heart?\” Well, Father Jiang has gone all the way to personality education…and his words do seem to make sense: the trust and support that children feel are not just these things in life. In small fragments, small decisions? In the end, we both decided: we agreed with Da Jiang’s decision and quit the course. Afterwards, Dajiang, Erjiang, and Dad Jiang were all very happy. Only I beat my chest from time to time and sighed with regret: Ahhh, do you know what an excellent teacher we gave up? Parents\’ trust in their children should be unconditional and wholehearted. This principle is easy to say, but extremely difficult to implement. Some time ago, I went to ask Da Jiang to eat. After knocking on the door, I opened Da Jiang\’s door and found that he looked panicked and hid his iPad behind his back with a \”swish\”. Recently, school has been suspended. Dajiang has to take online classes, chat with friends, and read the news. The iPad seems to have grown on his hand. Apart from asking him to rest his eyes regularly, I never thought to check his iPad. Now that I see him acting in a panic, I, who was originally full of trust, suddenly became uncertain: What is he hiding? The following is the conversation between us at that time: \”Can you show mom the screen you just looked at?\” \”No.\” \”No matter what you are looking at, it can\’t be worse than what mom thinks now, so you can let me see it.\” For a moment?\” \”No, Mom, I didn\’t do anything bad.\” \”Since it\’s not a bad thing, why can\’t I show it to Mom?\” \”Because this is my privacy.\” \”…\” (I am speechless) \”Mom , I promise, I never did anything bad, can\’t you trust me?\” Do you want to force him? I struggled for a long time. I decided to send a text message to Dad Jiang at work to discuss it. Father Jiang replied quickly: \”He has always been a very good child, and we can trust him. Besides, in your own home, you don\’t even have the right to protect your privacy, so how can you be confident in front of others?\” Yes, Since I want him to grow into a calm and generous person, I shouldn\’t push him into a state of embarrassment. \”Didi-\” Dad Jiang sent another text message. \”He hasn\’t reached puberty yet. It\’s probably a little secret between him and his friends. Don\’t think about it. Besides, after a few years, he really watches R-rated stuff. Do you want to force him to open it in front of you? Is it? Still naturalJust ignore it, it\’s not a bad thing. \”Well, it seems to make sense… I had to endure the 100,000 reasons in my heart, and said to Dajiang in an extremely hypocritical manner: Mom respects your privacy, you can take care of it yourself… One winter, it snowed heavily in Berlin. Chapter 1 When I woke up the next morning, I saw that the snow had stopped, and it was covered in white snow and silver outside. \”You can go sledding now!\” \”Er Jiang shouted happily. He rummaged through the box to find ski clothes, and shouted at the same time: \”Mom, where are my gloves? Where are my snow boots? Where is my thick hat? Da Jiang was still as usual. The door was closed. I could only hear a few words from him chatting with his friends through the cracks. I knocked on the door, opened it and asked him: \”Da Jiang, the snow is very thick outside. Let\’s go skiing together.\” Go sledding! He thought about it for two seconds, said yes, and then said to his friend who was videotaping: \”I have to go, goodbye!\” \”I was a little surprised to see him closing the chat window without any delay. I asked him: \”Don\’t you explain to your friends why you are leaving? It would be more polite for you to say, \”I\’m going sledding with my family. I\’ll talk when I get back. Goodbye.\” Da Jiang was also a little surprised and asked me: \”Mom, do you think it\’s polite to say that?\” I think it\’s over self explaining. I was stunned: \”Why?\” He answered naturally: \”Mom, I said I wanted to leave for my own reasons. N is my friend and he trusts me. I don\’t need to fight for his understanding, so I don\’t need to explain.\” ” Reminds me of the words of my first boss: “Why do you feel you need to explain yourself in order to gain my trust?” \”I suddenly felt a little happy. Isn\’t this what I have always wanted to achieve? – Let the child grow into a person who does not over-explain himself, is not eager to agree, and is calm and calm. Haha, it\’s really not in vain for me day after day for so many years. I have to restrain myself and fight with my own nature… Should I \”believe him\” or \”No, I have to talk to him\”? I experience this kind of struggle several times every day. Just like today, Da Jiang said that he would I cleaned up the room in the morning, but by 11:30, he still hadn\’t moved. I really wanted to go over and remind him, and I silently said \”believe him\” 10 times in my mind before I convinced myself to wait a little longer. It was 5 minutes to 12 o\’clock. At that moment, Da Jiang came out and said, \”Mom, my room is tidied up! I was pleasantly surprised: \”You haven\’t forgotten?\” \”American mothers teach self-confidence in this way. Download the pdf electronic version. Da Jiang is a little proud: \”I set the alarm clock and I won\’t miss it. \”Well, the restraint just now was worth it…\”Mom, do you think I will definitely forget? \”Dajian asked me slyly. \”Haha, where, mom believes you can do what you say! \”I wanted to fool around with it. Da Jiang laughed hatefully: \”I waited until the end, but you didn\’t lose your composure! Well, Mom, you\’ve made some progress…\” Ahhhhh… Who will take care of this naughty kid? I yelled silently in my heart. \”Tch! Mom wasn\’t worried at all, okay? \”I said firmly.