Confusions and questions about children’s education

Recently I saw a video by psychology professor He Lingfeng. He recalled two things in his education journey: The first thing was that his daughter was addicted to watching TV dramas. When my daughter was a child, she fell in love with watching anime during a certain winter vacation and watched more than 200 episodes in one go. This anime only updates one episode per week, with the original Japanese version on Tuesday and the Chinese subtitled version on Thursday. After school started, He Lingfeng discovered that adults didn\’t need to worry about her daughter\’s homework every Thursday. She would use all her extracurricular and rest time at school to finish it quickly because she was eager to watch anime when she got home from school. Gradually, my daughter will finish all her Tuesday homework in advance because she wants to read the original version first, even if she doesn’t understand a sentence or recognize a word. My daughter has been following this anime for a whole semester and has not finished updating it yet. So she joined an anime group with friends who liked the anime. Everyone felt that updating one episode a week was too slow, so they discussed the plot development in the group. My daughter got interested and started trying to write fan fiction. Unexpectedly, she wrote 40,000 words in one summer vacation. Even when her family goes out for dinner, her daughter begs to go home early because hundreds of fans are waiting for her updates. If this were to be done to me, I would definitely cut off the Internet, turn off the wifi, and let the children focus on their studies, but He Lingfeng did nothing. After that summer vacation, composition was no longer a problem for my daughter. How parents should educate their children: A complete set of 10 volumes of children\’s education mobi+epub+azw3 The second thing is that my daughter likes to doodle. Like most children, He Lingfeng\’s daughter also liked to graffiti on the walls when she was a child. But He Lingfeng didn\’t scold or stop him. He thought that since no one was coming to the house anyway, the worst he could do would be to repaint the wall white. In junior high school, my daughter was caught drawing animation in a self-study class by the teacher, who also invited her parents. He Lingfeng apologized to the teacher in person, but after returning home, he did not scold his daughter, nor did he tear up her notebooks or burn her comic books. He just warned her: \”I don\’t object to your drawing, but don\’t be too arrogant. You have to Drawing secretly and drawing in front of the teacher is a challenge to the teacher\’s authority. The teacher wants you to do a question and you draw, which affects the atmosphere of the class.\” These two things may seem ordinary, but they have a profound impact on my daughter\’s later development. life plays a vital role. When my daughter reaches high school, she has a clear life plan and wants to study in Japan. Because he needed to pass the Japanese N1 test, Japanese oral interview, etc. before going, He Lingfeng was worried that his daughter would not learn, so he specially enrolled her in an intensive class. As a result, the teacher only taught her for a week and said, \”Your daughter is absolutely fine.\” When applying to the school, the other party asked for a portfolio, so my daughter made a collection of the comics she had drawn since she was a child and sent it, and she passed it easily. In the end, my daughter successfully received offers from 7 universities. Nowadays, my daughter relies on two things to survive, one is Japanese and the other is drawing animation. He Lingfeng recalled this process. He felt that his daughter\’s success in reaching this point was not because of anything he did, but precisely because of what he didn\’t do. The most right thing he did was not to object, not to interfere, and not to impose his will on the child.When I heard this, it hit me. It turns out that in educating children, \”doing something\” is more important and more difficult than \”doing something\”. In the past, I was a very anxious mother. I was afraid that my daughter would fall behind and lose at the starting line, so I would schedule her time to a full schedule since she was a child. Seeing that my daughter didn\’t like to talk and was relatively introverted, I enrolled her in an emotional intelligence class. Seeing that my daughter was not good at math and was afraid of being held back, I enrolled her in a thinking class. I saw in the parent group that other people\’s children were number one in the Mathematical Olympiad. , published an essay, and won a prize in a dance competition… I was worried that my daughter would fall behind, so I enrolled her in several interest classes in one breath. But for my daughter\’s favorite things, doing handicrafts, studying recipes, reading novels… these are all \”a waste of time\” in my eyes. I will only educate her sternly: If you do these useless things all day long, can\’t you focus on studying? You won\’t even be able to pass high school if you do this! Is it possible that you have to spend your whole life cooking for others? I imposed my anxieties and expectations on my daughter, and forced everything I thought was \”useful\” onto her. I used my narrow thinking and cognition to try to plan a correct path for her. But as a result, not only did my daughter not grow up as I expected, but she became more and more disappointing: her grades were getting worse and worse; she didn’t have any special skills that she could show off; she became more rebellious and opposed me everywhere; she even showed signs of being tired of studying. …After reading He Lingfeng’s story, I asked myself in my heart: Is this my life or my child’s life? Is the path I pointed out to my child necessarily the right one? After becoming parents, we often mistakenly believe that we can choose the path of life for our children. But they forget that children are independent individuals rather than tools, and the child\’s life is his own and not his parents\’. King John Bacon, a famous American master of education, once issued strong advice to parents: \”Give children the relaxed environment they need, let them reconnect with their true selves and their world, and remove them from our Rescue adults from the world full of stress and tension.\” In the process of raising children, we are always doing additions. As a result, the adults are exhausted and the children are exhausted. But really smart parents, like He Lingfeng, know better how to do subtraction: reduce interference and allow children to do \”useless\” things. Writer Liushen Leilei has been a \”Jin Yong fan\” since he was a child, but both teachers and parents feel that \”reading This thing is useless”. He quite believed it at the time, but who would have thought that it was his martial arts dream when he was young that led him to his current achievements. Whenever he encounters setbacks, he uses characters in novels to inspire himself: \”I want to be Linghu Chong, free and easy and principled; I want to be Yang Guo, be strong now and be great in the future.\” When he himself became a parent After that, he said this: \”Children\’s dreams are useful. Because the times are changing so fast, how can you say that this dream will not be useful 20 years later?\” Yes, we will never know, those Things that seem \”useless\” now will surprise your children in the future. in the long river of time, it may become the child\’s armor against wind and rain, and the confidence when the child faces choices. What parents can do is to reduce interference and allow their children to slow down and do some \”useless\” things. Have some weird hobbies and read some miscellaneous books that have nothing to do with grades. Don’t turn the passion that should make your children feel relaxed and happy into their pressure and burden. Second, reduce power and give life back to children. Remember Zhong Fangrong? When filling out her application for the college entrance examination, she did not discuss it with anyone. She made her decision within a few minutes and resolutely chose the archeology major at Peking University. Such enthusiasm and determination are indispensable to the credit of my parents. When everyone was talking about Zhong Fangrong\’s choice, her mother said this: \”She is a person with dreams, and she has the right to choose what she likes.\” This is the deepest love of an ordinary mother, and also as a parent The greatest vision and pattern. In fact, it’s not scary if parents are uneducated. What’s scary is that they insist on dictating their children’s lives despite not knowing much. The child has his own path to take, and this path is most likely not the direction we pointed him to. A good education is not to imprison children with the love of \”for your own good\” or to suppress them with the power of \”I am your father/mother\”. Instead, let go of the child\’s hand and let him fly to his own blue sky with our trust and blessings. Comparing three subtractions, you can see the bright spots of children. Writer Liu Yong said: \”Those children who live in the shadow of being compared with each other by their parents cannot feel the respect, affirmation and appreciation of their parents. Their hearts are like a The barren and desolate land lacks the vitality and vitality that originally belonged to a child.\” In the past, I always loved to focus on my daughter\’s shortcomings and compare her with other children. She has a stupid mouth, is not good at learning, and is easily jealous. She often even says bad things to her because of these things. But if you think about it carefully, she is so kind and filial. At the end of last year, the whole family was sick, and she had to take online classes and take care of her family, but I never heard her complain. Because my symptoms were severe and I couldn\’t eat at all, she tried her best to make me all kinds of delicious food. She reminded me to take medicine, take my temperature and make lemonade for me regularly every day. She is also so focused and dazzling when she is doing what she loves. She has been obsessed with DIY handicrafts since she was a child, to the point where she forgets to eat and sleep. Everyone can\’t help but praise her handicrafts when they see them. But I have always stubbornly believed that these will only delay learning. In fact, there is never a universal standard for excellence. We feel that children are inferior to others, but the standard we measure is wrong. Reduce your expectations and cultivate a “normal heart.” Blogger @北大云龙 posted a Weibo post some time ago: A girl jumped from the 17th floor and her life was forever fixed at the age of 13. Before committing suicide, the girl had a quarrel with her mother because the girl did not do well in the unit exam. After the quarrel, the angry mother slammed the door and walked out, leaving the desperate girl at home alone. In less than an hour, tragedy happened. The girl\’s parents are both working-class people. They spend all their time, energy and money on their daughter and enroll her in many cram schools. But the girl\’s grades not only showed no improvement, but also got worse with each passing day.Her parents often suppressed her verbally. Parents\’ excessive expectations eventually led to an irreversible tragedy. Wang Defeng, a professor at Fudan University, once lamented: How to educate children to develop good qualities? Wu Guan These 6 Oscar-winning Animated Short Films When his son was just born, he had high hopes. He hoped that his son would go to the best elementary school and the best middle school, and that he would be able to enter his alma mater, Fudan University, when he grew up. But when he was full of confidence and thought that his son would be better than himself, reality slapped him in the face: his son\’s college entrance examination scores almost prevented him from going to college. A professor from a prestigious school who has reached the pinnacle of academic achievement can only accept his fate and accept that his child is an ordinary person, let alone ordinary parents like us? There are only a handful of children who can stand at the top of the pyramid and shine brightly. What we have to do at this moment is to let go of our obsessions, bow our heads and accept our fate, digest our expectations and disappointments, and cultivate a calm and open mind. In this way, even if our children end up mediocre, they can still be enthusiastic and feel the meaning of life and the beauty of the world. Thinking of this, I dropped out of those interest classes that my daughter didn\’t like. ▽I ​​saw this question on the Internet: If you were a child again, how would you like to grow up? There will always be someone holding a whip, pointing at a place fiercely and saying: \”Go there, that\’s where you want to go. If you want to go somewhere else, I will break your legs!\” I still hope that someone will gently say I touch your head and tell you: \”The world is big and the future is beautiful. Just move forward boldly and I will always be behind you.\” Like, our past cannot be repeated, but we still have opportunities and choices now What kind of parent to be.