Dad lifts up his daughter\’s clothes and kisses her constantly on the high-speed train: is it pampering or molestation?

Is it pampering or molestation? Recently, a piece of news sparked outrage. A father lifted up his daughter\’s clothes on the high-speed train, kept kissing and touching the child\’s body, and even reached out to the child\’s lower body. In the video, the little girl kept trying to struggle and even begged for mercy: \”Dad, it hurts, please don\’t touch my butt again…\” What is puzzling is that the girl\’s mother and grandmother were sitting next to her, and they were completely indifferent to her father\’s behavior. reaction. Although the relevant departments confirmed that they are \”father and daughter and do not constitute indecency\”, can even a biological father really do this to his own child? I don’t agree, and I believe everyone doesn’t agree either! No matter how young a child is, he or she is an independent individual. If a parent does something like this to their child, it crosses the line and disrespects the child\’s body. Child sex educator Hu Ping said: There is a kind of \”hidden sexual violation\” that can cause huge harm to children\’s sexual psychology and is often ignored. It will not only destroy the child\’s physical boundaries, but also destroy the normal development trajectory of the child\’s psychology. . It comes from family, from parents, and from many inappropriate parenting methods. To be honest, I am willing to use the greatest kindness to understand this father\’s behavior, just out of love for his daughter. However, as a mother, I can\’t help but feel a little heartbroken and worried about this little girl. It is hard to imagine how difficult the future of a little girl living in such a family with no sense of boundaries will be. Once a child receives the wrong upbringing and lacks a sense of physical boundaries, the consequences will be very serious. How terrible is it to lose the sense of body boundaries? If parents behave too intimately towards their children, exceeding the normal scope of expressing \”love\”, it is easy to lead their children astray. Once a child\’s awareness of physical boundaries is blurred, he will not be able to distinguish between \”love\” and \”injury\” and will not even react at all, even if an invasion is occurring. How terrible is it for children to lose their sense of boundaries? In August last year, there was an incident of molesting a little girl at Nanjing Railway Station. A brother who was about 20 years old put his hands on the chest of a sister who was about 12 years old and molested her in a public place. The girl is the adopted daughter of this family. Faced with her brother\’s behavior, she did not resist the whole process, and the adoptive parents around her also looked indifferent. According to a neighbor, \”Their family is just like that. They don\’t pay attention to it. Occasionally when I visit his house, the little girl will run around the house naked after taking a bath.\” It is precisely because in the little girl\’s cognition there is no The concept of \”physical boundaries\” didn\’t know that such physical contact had already caused harm to her, so \”brother\” succeeded again and again. If even parents have blurred boundaries, how can they expect their children to identify boundary-crossing behaviors? A friend once told me about her 10-year-old daughter. She said that because she was busy at work, her daughter was often picked up by her younger sister, and she would pick her up at her sister\’s house after she got off work. The brother-in-law often held his daughter on his lap and kissed her, saying that the child was the most lovable, and no one ever thought anything was wrong. But one day, when the brother-in-law picked up his daughter and kissed her as usual, the daughter wiped her face violently. \”I\’m so old, can you not kiss me?\” At that moment, the adults looked at each other and felt awkward for a while. But since then, my brother-in-law has never kissed the child like this again.son. Many times, we don’t have a sense of boundaries. You think it is love, but for children, it may be a hidden danger. The best way we can protect our children is to help them understand the boundaries between parents and children. No matter how much you love your child, you must respect his body. Some time ago, Maki Goto, a former member of Japan’s Morning Musume, made a statement that caused heated discussion. She said that she doted on her nephew very much. The two often kissed and hugged each other, and even took baths together until her nephew was 17 years old. Goto Maki also said that when taking a bath, she would observe the physical growth and changes of her nephew as an elder… In fact, in Japan, there has always been a controversial custom-\”parent-child bathing together.\” Actor Noriko Kato once publicly stated on a show that she had been bathing with her father until she was 21 years old. Although this kind of \”parent-child bathing\” between parents and children has no distractions, there are also many hidden dangers. No matter how much parents love their children, they must also know how to respect their children\’s own wishes and learn to maintain certain physical boundaries with their children. In a Korean variety show, a teenage girl said that her father\’s excessive physical contact made her distressed. The girl said that her father\’s behavior caused her great pain, which not only affected her life, but also affected her studies. Once, the teacher saw them acting intimately and mistook them for a couple, so he invited them into the principal\’s office for questioning. When faced with doubts, his father thought it was normal. His reason was: \”My child is my body.\” A child is a piece of flesh that has fallen off his parents. However, from the moment he was born, he has been an independent child. people. The child\’s body belongs only to him. The true love that parents have for their children must be a love that has boundaries and a sense of proportion. How to establish a sense of boundaries between parents and children. Children’s awareness and respect for physical boundaries are popularized by parents. Teaching children to respect the boundaries between parents and children is the first step in sexual enlightenment education. The cultivation of a sense of boundaries cannot be established overnight, nor can it be completed by the child alone. It requires parents and children to complete it together. 0-3 years old, I saw such a cute video to establish the concept of body privacy. A foreign baby about one year old was taking a bath. His father suddenly broke in. The little boy was instantly frightened. In the video, the baby stood up from the bathtub, covered his private parts with a towel, and then looked at his father with cute eyes. Apart from being hilarious, I have to praise the parents for their educational methods. For children, parents’ cultivation of their sense of physical boundaries slowly penetrates into their daily lives. We don’t need to talk too much to the baby. We just guide him step by step when changing clothes, taking a bath, and going to the toilet to make him realize which parts of the body are private parts. No matter how young the child is, parents must respect their child\’s body. After the child is 3 years old, try to bathe with same-sex parents. Since my son was born, I have always helped him bathe. Suddenly one day, my son pointed to his penis and asked me, \”Mom, where\’s yours?\” My mind went blank for a moment, and then I remembered that it was time to talk to my child about the differences between boys and girls. Many times, when we don’t know how to educate children about gender, their gender awareness has alreadyIt\’s starting to sprout. Psychologists believe that children around the age of 3 already have gender awareness, and they have learned to use their eyes to observe the differences between their parents and themselves. This age group is also a critical age for establishing a sense of body boundaries, so don’t be careless. From the age of 3, children should try not to bathe with the opposite sex. They can be allowed to bathe with parents of the same sex. If conditions do not allow, parents should try not to \”share bathing\” when bathing children of the opposite sex, and teach their children to practice bathing on their own in advance. Lead by example and prevent physical harm from crossing boundaries. The public welfare lecture \”Establishing Boundaries for Children\” mentioned the concept of a \”circle of boundaries\”: adults become themselves, live out a sense of boundaries, and let children live within boundaries. As a result, he became a person with boundaries, and at the same time, he became himself. In other words, it is not that parents \”set boundaries\” for their children, but that boundaries are a family atmosphere. I remember, one morning, I was brushing my teeth and my son hurried in to use the toilet. I looked at him and said, \”You are a boy and mom is a girl. You should wait until mom goes out, close the door, and then go to the bathroom.\” As a result, my son looked at me and said seriously: \”Mom, since you know everything, why Why don\’t you close the door?\” My son\’s retort left me speechless. Children are a mirror of their parents. If they want their children to live within boundaries, parents should first become people with a sense of boundaries. Changing and taking off clothes in front of the child; leaving the door open when going to the toilet or taking a shower; walking around the house without clothes after bathing; entering and exiting the child\’s room at will… These behaviors of parents will set a bad example for their children. effect. Maintaining a sense of physical boundaries between parents and children starts with me. At the same time, parents must learn to respect their children\’s ideas and allow their children to say \”no\”. When their children refuse your intimate actions, please stop immediately. Parents\’ respect for their children\’s physical boundaries is the first step in educating children about self-protection, and is also a key step in starting children\’s sexual enlightenment. Wise parents all know that \”staying away\” from their children and letting their children grow up in a family with a sense of boundaries will be of great help to their lives. A child with a clear sense of boundaries will gain the greatest freedom in life and become a winner in life. I hope every pair of parents can regulate their own behavior and never let their love go \”overboard\” or \”cross the line\” and become an \”invisible harm\” to their children.